To wonder if I should cancel tonight's rehearsal?

[Rizzo8]

I'm recently back from a holiday 'reset' where I was doing too much before the trip.

Now I'm back I have a terminally ill grandparent to visit, rehearsals to attend and late nights at work. The point of the reset was to get off the treadmill but I can feel my mood deteriorating again. It's all too much.

If I work late tonight, I will have to run to my rehearsal directly. Pros are I'll see my friends and be there, the cons are ill be very tired and might make mistakes that are annoying to the rest. Should I push through anyway?

There will be two more rehearsals but I will need to leave my visit to my sick relative early to attend the next one if I miss tonight. I could cancel doing the show this year completely but then I also won't have a nice diversion in the coming weeks...

Rehearsals for what?

What are the rehearsals for? Depends if you not being there would make much of a difference or not, in a choir, less so, part in a play that would then be missing, you probably should go.

@DogInATent its a theatre show that I wrote and am also performing in. We will perform first week of December.

So there are other people available tonight if I don't go, I just don't feel good about missing them or missing my chance to improve my own role in it.

If it will make the rehearsal more difficult for your friends if you aren’t there (“ This is the bit where Rizzo does their solo tap dance while we do the costume change for the transformation scene so we will need to go lalalala for two minutes”) then I would go.

Dr Theatre will kick in, you will enjoy the rehearsal, won’t be letting the rest of them down and will feel a bit more tired but pleased with yourself and will have a little story to tell your sick grandparent which they will enjoy.

@viques that's a good way of thinking about it.

My worry is not having anything nice to look forward to during this period if I reluctantly have to drop out. You are right that theatre me will probably kick in.

I'm just sad to be back in the treadmill already after such a nice holiday.

You can’t flake out on a show you’ve written - sounds like you’d kind of be ‘in charge’ and therefore others relying on you. If there are only 3 more rehearsals left then they’re all pretty critical by that point. Presumably the show was planned and the relative terminal before you went away? Power through! You can do it.

You’re wasting time navel gazing about this on. mumsnet. Not a good use of time

Do you have to work late today? Given it's Friday, couldn't you have a rest before the rehearsal and catch up a bit on work over the weekend?

I could cancel doing the show this year completely but then I also won't have a nice diversion in the coming weeks...

Could you really? Wouldn’t you be pissed off if you’d put time in to learn and rehearse someone’s show and then they just decided to sack it off because they’re tired?

This is our second run of the show so they're no longer reliant on me. The first run was different.

It's hard to explain but the show will go on without me. That doesn't mean I should drop out though. I'm finding it hard to balance everything. I don't want to burn out again.

Annoyingly there are 3 of us working late when only 2 absolutely have to.

I feel I can't say no because a senior manager has asked me to and I'm quite new in the door. But it is very annoying.

I think part of the problem with so many people using the new buzzword 'reset', is that they think it's actually possible to 'reset' yourself.

It's not, because when the holiday is over most people go back to exactly the same situations as before they left.

If we go back to using the word 'relax', it makes more sense. You had a break, during which time you were able to relax and now you're home things are hectic again.

I would go to the rehearsal but going forward, perhaps put a bit less on your plate, while looking after your relative.

Please don't burn yourself out.

Go to rehearsal and you will have something to talk about when you visit Grandparent who will probably be pleased to hear about your achievements.

If you want all the things, you have to do all the things.

If you’re committed to a performance you can’t just miss rehearsal. If you want to get off the treadmill the obvious thing is to withdraw from the performance. It’s not fair to others if you commit but don’t do it.

Personally, I find the more I do, the more I can do.

This.

@YellowAsteroid thanks. Maybe I can shift my mindset on this.

But I also was burning out before and this is an emotionally fraught time for obvious reasons. So need to take care of myself too.

@NewPinkJacket you're absolutely right! It's just nonsense isn't it. We all go back to our usual lives. I'll try to go tonight and keep an eye on things

Do you have an anxiety about letting people down?
( so you end up with too much on your plate )

@tanstaafl probably.

Staying late sometimes in a new job doesn't feel very optional and I also do love my hobbies. It's a mixed bag.

But I also was burning out before and this is an emotionally fraught time for obvious reasons. So need to take care of myself too.

So withdraw from the activity that requires the rehearsals. It’s just not fair on the others involved if you stay in (because you want something “interesting”) but don’t put in the time or actual commitment.

If you’re burning out, stop doing the non-essentials. Or rethink what you’ve categorised as “must do” and “optional”.

But it’s just darned selfish to claim burnout and self-care as an excuse to plan to miss rehearsals but not withdraw from the activity.

How does rehearsing make you feel OP? It sounds like you're heavily involved in the group so I'm guessing it's something that you do enjoy? Sometimes I think it's the prospect of doing something that weighs heavily on us but the actual doing in fact does us good.
I coach a sport. It's an hour's drive each way and at this time of the year involves standing around in the dark for 2-3 hours, not infrequently in freezing cold/wet weather. I often don't want to go, especially if I've had a bad day or have other concerns. I regularly start the journey thinking "Why am I doing this? I must be insane". But you know, I don't think I have ever felt like that on the way home. Yes, sometimes I'll drive home wondering if my feet are ever going to regain feeling or musing on why a particular drill didn't seem to quite work, but I'm almost always happy, because I've spent an evening with people I like doing something constructive that I enjoy.
How do you generally feel after your rehearsals? Think back to the last few and decide whether there was a net positive effect to going or not. I think that will give you a better idea of whether you should go or not than how you feel before you go.