To think becoming a grandma should take over your life?

[SlB09]

Background - a friend is expecting her first grandchild this month. She will not make any plans at all incase the baby arrives and it's obviously taken over her life and the babies not even here!!

AIBU to think that this is abit OTT? Absolutely this is such a special time in their lives but it feels like she's having the baby herself, it's completely taken over everything and her life is now on pause for the foreseeable - it feels like her life is about to change on par with being a new parent. I don't have grandchildren yet, does it change your life on this level as per having your own kids?!

Well when I had DD it changed my parents lives as we lived with them at the time. Live just down the road now and at least in the Primary years saw them everyday.

If you live a fair distance away though and will only see each other occasionally then obviously it doesn't change as much.

There are so few things that are truly exciting and happy occasion just let her enjoy the moment.

You've really messed up the voting, OP. Perhaps you could ask MNHQ to put a 'not' in the title? It makes a whole difference to the sense of the thread.

I think she's crazy! Fair enough to not want to go on holiday or book something expensive and non refundable, but a coffee?

First babies are often late. And labour is usually slow. What's most likely to happen if she were to be notified dil was in labour, is that she'd have time to finish her latte and get there long before dil was up to having visitors. Assuming dil wouldn't prefer a bit of recovery time first!

Your friend needs to be a bit careful - I agree with pp that being really full on is what causes issues with in-laws. She needs to calm down a bit.

Bet her dil feels suffocated already.

She needs to chill out a bit.

Both my MIL and my DM acted as if they were having a baby when I had DD.

They both grabbed her off me, refused to let me feed her, and called themselves "mum" to her. It was really upsetting and exhausting to continually have to assert myself as her mum in the early days.
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My MIL suffered from infertility/repeated miscarriage apart from my DH, and my DM's whole life was being a mum and got severe depression when we all left home. So I think this is why they were so desperate for the baby.

I don't know if it's normal... But both of them acted like they were the one having the baby! So I think it does happen.

Now DD is 2 they have calmed down and are much more normal - we see them a few times a year and they act like usual grandparents imo

Is she planning to be at the birth? Otherwise, I'm not sure why she can't even meet up for a coffee, even if her DIL is in labour.

I totally agree

I'm excited about having more Dgc quite soon but it's having a balance

Also don't want to be overbearing

I am a grandma and would say that my granddaughters add to my life and I was available for my daughter and her husband when they were first born and babies/toddlers but less so now they are in school.

Some friends do revolve their lives completely round family but I like a more balanced approach and make time for friends and hobbies too. Surely she can make plans but if just a local coffee they could be rearranged if the baby arrives unexpectedly and she is needed.

Some new parents might feel smothered by grandparents so heavily involved and others might find it reassuring. Depends on their relationship I guess.

I have become a grandmother in the last couple of years - one now 2 years old and the other 3 months.

You can decide the level of involvement you want, so not at all like being a parent

You started a two-faced mumsnet post to "check whether your friend is normal"? Because she's excited about becoming a grandma?

That's not normal, OP. This is supposedly your friend - leave her alone.

I’m a Nan of 5. The first one causes untold excitement But that’s ok. After that, time passes, more GCs are born, and then it’s all more balanced.

My GCs are adult now, and they never took over my life. 😉

I have 7 GC. Around the time that each was due I cleared my diary a bit so I could be available to help during the first few weeks if needed. Then life went back to normal. I would not judge your friend for this.

When I was expected my baby, if any of the grandparents were sitting around in their hands and not making me plans ‘in case the baby arrived’ I would feel suffocated and pressurised! In fact MIL was a bit like this and it pissed me off…I don’t want to be the centre of attention with everyone sitting around waiting for me to give birth 😂. I’m not the princess of Wales

Has it taken over her life, or has she in fact just turned down a few usual plans with you?

There's always something - stunted, perhaps? - about those who won't accept change in life.

That’s not what she’s done though, is it? I’d argue it’s not normal to not even be able to go for coffee locally just in case! Up to her obviously but I’d be wondering if it was not a bit odd too!

I know someone who has taken this to the nth degree. She never does anything or goes anywhere. She has sacrificed her entire life just on the offchance that she might be needed to look after the grandchildren at the drop of a hat. They aren't babies either, but primary age.

To be honest, I think her adult dc take advantage of her good nature and are walking all over her, but there you go.

Being excited about becoming a grandma. Totally normal. It would be highly unusual if you weren't.

Not going out for a coffee in the next month in case your DIL goes into labour. Not quite so normal.

Quite.

She is a bit over-the-top

Possibly wants to keep calendar free so she can be there to support if needed/if any complications?

I bet the DIL has posted on here already about her suffocating MIL

It sounds like a mix of massive excitement and also anxiety. I also think it would be kind to cut her a bit of slack.