To be struggling to find ways to help my 6 year old

[Hedgepond]

My 6 (in feb) year old DS is in year 1 at school and we’ve been told by his teacher that he cannot get on with any of his work without being constantly coached through it. She said he’s more than capable but can sit there for up to 30 minutes staring into space until she prompts him. He knows the answers to the maths etc but seems like he can’t be bothered to actually write it down. Similarly he can write sentences but loses interest and just sits there.

It’s a class of 30 with one teaching assistant and there are at least 2 children with extra needs in the class. I don’t know how the teachers do it tbh. I can’t imagine how difficult that job is! The teacher hasn’t got time to constantly prompt DS. We have tried to help him at home with independence and he’ll happily get dressed, tidy up etc although often we have to put some sort of deadline on it. We’ve also practiced some sentence writing and maths at home and tried to get him to work alone on this more and more. Some days he does it and some days he will talk, look around and just mess about. We’ve tried star and sticker charts, timers etc which work for a short time and then stop working. I feel like he’s just intrinsically unmotivated for school! He’ll play with things he wants to (eg Lego) but at the end of the day he needs to learn to motivate for school work.

The teacher said at the end that she won’t be able to mark DS as an achieving expectations unless he starts to concentrate on work and she thinks he’ll fall behind.

Any advice appreciated!

Possibly worth considering an ADHD or autism assessment- either can lead to issues with concentration.

How is his coordination? Can he use cutlery? Can he ride a bike? Can he tie shoelaces?
My 20 year old had similar issues because of dyspraxia. I remember going to a class display when she was in P5 and every one of her items had very little written on it; her wonderful temporary teacher had a working interest in dyspraxia so had pulled DD's notes to find out about her and at the display she asked DD to explain to me what they had been learning and I got a 10 minute explanation on the Egyptians.

You should request a paediatric consultant appointment via your GP - I would look into hearing & eyesight issues, absence seizures. Then assessments for autism, dyspraxia, etc if no issues with the previous areas. I've found boots good for eyetests and you can get that started yourself- we had a focus issue and it was caused by her eyesight, her prescription was changing every three months with growth spurts (had no sight issues previously). Hearing, etc should be done via your GP / Consultant.

Is he left-handed - sometimes the effort of handwriting, correction of backward letters is draining and completely puts them off certain activities requiring co-ordination, so handwriting, doing laces and using a ruler / scissors?

While you're obviously getting some useful advice here OP, I can't help wondering why, rather than complaining about your DS, the teacher isn't offering advice? I think in your shoes, I would be asking her, what you can do to encourage him, as she's the one who see's how he behaves, and after all, it is HER job to teach him, she presumably has experience of all types of children, so I would have thought have some idea as to how you and SHE can help him.

Thanks for the responses. He can ride a bike and can swim underwater to fetch an object. He can also make quite complex Lego models and colour in pictures although not always in the lines.

He’s quite a quiet, shy child but has a couple of close friends at school. I do think he loses confidence / interest very easily if something is even slightly difficult. So for example he struggles to write the numbers 3 and 8 and and doesn’t want to write these down if they’re the answers. We’ve practiced and I know he can do it but he does lack confidence.

I’ll look into his eyesight, thanks for this. We know he has glue ear with varying degrees of severity depending on recent colds etc. but he does listen at school.

When we practice maths etc at home he gets very distracted by his younger sibling aged 3 so I can imagine it’s even worse in a big class. Is this a sign of ADHD autism? Those have crossed my mind but I don’t feel he meets a lot of the criteria at the moment.

Is he able to remember all the instructions the teacher is giving? Eg. "Come in, hang coat up, sit down, get book out, write date, underline it, read the page, answer the questions..." maybe too many instructions competing in his brain for attention and he just checks out. Would a written list help? A to-do list of 4-5 tasks at a time he can tick off as he goes.

Could ear defenders help muffle out some of the distracting noises?

My son diagnosed with ADHD, was like this at school. Baffling at the time because he was bright, knew the answers, just got easily distracted, fidgeted with things, often till they broke, so the words never made it onto the paper. Diagnosed at 23, wish we knew earlier.

ADHD or slow processing spring to mind, although equally he might just find school a bit boring and be disinterested. Personally I wouldn’t worry too much until he’s 8.

yes check hearing and eyesight.

also ensure any extra maths and English you do is particularly good fun and inspirational to build a love of maths and English. Id recommend focusing on reading funny books rather then dryly writing out sentences.

Thanks, ear defenders might work. I think he’s a daydreamer and can’t see why he has to do writing and maths when they’re are far more interesting activities he could be doing like learning about space or history, He’s bright but I don’t think he’s a child genius and I don’t think what they’re doing in class is too easy for him.

I’m still not convinced about ADHD having read more. He can sit still playing with the things he likes for hours, can focus on a few rounds of uno or dobble and loves reading.

I guess I’m a bit worried I’ve mollycoddled him and this is why he can’t be bothered with school. But then even when he was a baby he wasn’t that bothered about learning to crawl to get to an exciting toy so I feel like part of it must be nature! How to help him with this is so difficult…..

He's 5. His focus will come with age. In lots of countries he wouldn't even be in formal school yet. Don't worry too much and don't put him off school/learning with too much nagging/pressure.

Keep reading. Keep practising maths in short bursts and in different ways (not all sit down learning). Keep doing Lego and other things he enjoys where he can practise focus and concentration.

I always think it's sad we're so quick to look to see what's 'wrong' with our children when they won't/can't conform to the system rather than looking at the system itself.

He's 5. In lots of countries at 5 he would be spending his time playing outside and focusing on motor skills and having fun.

But (I'm assuming you're in England) in lots of this country's schools, 5 year olds are expected to sit down and do written work for the majority of the school day. And a lot of them just aren't interested. Because they're 5, and want to play.

What is the set up of his class? Is there any continuous provision (toys/activities to choose from)? Do they have a role play area, a construction area, sand tray, small world figures? If they just have a full class of tables and chairs and are expected to always be doing the work the teacher sets I would just think he's not interested in that type of learning yet, which is very normal for kids of his age.

OP have you thought of using timers? When you set a task, he has to complete it before the sand runs out.

He could be an inattentive adhder or he could just be young and distracted. I'd also make sure its not absence seizures