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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect my DH not to spout hateful comments about local people that he knows almost nothing about?

10 replies

AsIfIWish · 14/11/2024 21:54

Kids, no less, in this case!

It's always on those days when he's had a bit of wine. Apparently (and he's told me this before), he wishes to talk like this ALL the time, but usually refrains because I "always have a problem with it". No one else does, apparently. Just me. (Not true - they just don't always tell him. Occasionally they have told me, though.)

Usually DH speaks as though he knows ALL, says lots of mean and unpleasant things, and expects me to just take it (which I can't...) Tonight's example is:

"there is NO WAY anyone else would be able to join that group (local teenage drama group that he knows hardly anything about). I know for a fact that no new kids would ever get in to it or be allowed to do anything."

This drama group is the biggest one that has existed in our town for probably the last 20 years, at about 12 kids. They have been actively recruiting over the past couple of years. The leader has flaws which my DH can't see past. DH doesn't know the kids at all, but has proclaimed several things about them, such as 'they're all cocky and selfish' (yet most of the kids I know in the group are very shy and self-conscious). He goes on for 10 minutes speaking in absolutes and driving me nuts, then ends with '"- probably, anyway."

I just think that, even if it's what you believe, you shouldn't talk about people in that way. He's said so much horrible stuff in the past, and I wish I could remember it.

I get that people need to vent, but I just feel like speaking your assumptions/opinions as fact (very aggressively) isn't a good thing and I shouldn't have to listen to him! (What's more, this group has more or less nothing to do with us except the kids go to the same school as ours.)

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 14/11/2024 21:58

He's said so much horrible stuff in the past, and I wish I could remember it.

You know he said it, that's enough. Are there overwhelming reasons you need to stay with him or can you start thinking about a life when you no longer have to listen to his 'opinions'?

AsIfIWish · 14/11/2024 22:04

Eyesopenwideawake · 14/11/2024 21:58

He's said so much horrible stuff in the past, and I wish I could remember it.

You know he said it, that's enough. Are there overwhelming reasons you need to stay with him or can you start thinking about a life when you no longer have to listen to his 'opinions'?

Overwhelming reasons, yes.

Also, 80-90% of the time he's absolutely fine. Maybe because, by his own admission, he's just keeping his horrid thoughts to himself. But I genuinely don't see it coming across most of the time (I am a very perceptive person). Especially when we get some time just us - he can be lovely. Sadly that's very rare these days, though.

OP posts:
StSwithinsDay · 14/11/2024 22:08

When your children are adults and look back at their childhood, what will they think of the two of you?

Eyesopenwideawake · 14/11/2024 22:18

Also, 80-90% of the time he's absolutely fine.
...

Sadly that's very rare these days, though.

comedycentral · 14/11/2024 22:22

He sounds exhausting, it must be so hard to listen to him.

fatphalange · 14/11/2024 22:23

Ask him why he's so hung up about these teenagers and overinvested in their drama group. It's quite strange and he sounds mean spirited in general. Does he always think the worst of people?

AsIfIWish · 14/11/2024 22:39

Eyesopenwideawake · 14/11/2024 22:18

Also, 80-90% of the time he's absolutely fine.
...

Sadly that's very rare these days, though.

I was saying that time alone with him is rare these days.

OP posts:
loropianalover · 14/11/2024 22:41

How utterly bizarre to be so fixated on a teenage drama group…

AsIfIWish · 14/11/2024 22:42

fatphalange · 14/11/2024 22:23

Ask him why he's so hung up about these teenagers and overinvested in their drama group. It's quite strange and he sounds mean spirited in general. Does he always think the worst of people?

In a word, yes. 😔

It's the hardest thing because I'm the total opposite, and will tend to think the best of people. (Perhaps why I married him.)

On these ranty occasions, he will say that people don't want to listen to 'the truth' but as far as I can gather, most of what he rants about ISN'T true.

OP posts:
purplehair1 · 19/11/2024 22:41

Has he just been re-elected as the president by any chance?

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