to be feeling selfish?

[Freddie15VES]

long story - here we go

june - i found out my partner had been messaging brothels. he talked me into trying again as he has issues with alcohol and blamed it on that. i wanted to try again, for the kids (should have had more respect for myself i know)

skip forwards a few months, he goes on a night out gets bladdered the next day tells me to fuck off as i asked to check his phone to see where he’d been as he rocked up at 5am - suddenly come the evening he lets me check it. all his messages had been deleted etc so i thought hmmm something dodgey here

fast forward to today - i pay his phone bill so i find the numbers he’d text and i text them, lo and bloody behold they’re all prostitutes. swears on the kids lives he hasn’t been he was just texting them

so i’ve told him we’re finished

but now im sat here feeling like im going to ruin my kids lives …. am i being selfish for leaving

or should i have left a long fucking time ago

am i being unreasonable for even worrying about this shit

The only selfish one is your partner.
Leave him to his sad little life paying women for their time, and watch as his life sinks into his midlife crisis and he’s left with nothing.
You can recover and build a better life for yourself. You deserve more than this excuse for a man.

You should have left a long time ago. I'm so sorry, it must be awful feeling like you're breaking the family up, but YOU ARE NOT! Good luck.

No! He's the selfish one wrecking his family. No one made him do this, did they? Show your kids you can be a lovely family without this lying idiot.

Not to get all Dr. Phil but kids would rather come from a broken home than live in one. You deserve better than this. He is not going to stop contacting prostitutes. And even if he did, you don't feel the way you used to about him. You deserve a better relationship than this and your kids want their parents to be happy. You can build a new life. I say, go for it.

thanks everyone - i know i should have done this a long time ago. but in all honesty i dont even know where to start, how to even have the conversation with him about child support costs, whether he’ll pay them even! it’s just a lot for me to try and deal with

Start small. Say you need to live apart for a while. See what comes of that conversation. He is clearly unhappy, you are unhappy. Appeal to his logic if you can.

I'm 100% sure you already had another thread on this

You definitely need to leave. You're not ruining your children's lives - it is much better for them to be with a happy mum. You won't be happy if you stay in a relationship with such a sorry excuse for a man. Please get yourself tested for sti's, I wouldn't believe him when he says he hasn't been with prostitutes. He's already proven himself to be a liar.

@Freddie15VES
You are selfish for staying with that twat. Do you want your children to grow up with a dad like that and you modelling that it's acceptable behaviour ? LEAVE for your AND your children's sake.

Why on earth are you paying his phone bill when he's paying women for sex?

No you're not being selfish, you and the kids will be so much better out out him.

Get him out. Let him pay his own phone bill (you're enabling him to contact sex workers and his seedy little life).
Being on your own is better than this. He might pass on an infection to you, your kids will grow up thinking that's a relationship and then ruin their own relationships, you've really got to act in this. Get rid and move on. The kids will benefit as will you.

You're not being selfish. You are modelling living a life with pride and self respect for your children. You are modelling a life where you seek kindness and dispense with those who treat you with less than the kindness you deserve in return.

You are being a good parent to leave, not a bad one.

He made his mistake. Now he lives with the consequences.

Yeah, the first half of the story. I remember that one. She obvs hasn't left and he hasn't changed (surprise surprise) .

sorry for posting something similar again. i don’t have many close friends and im feeling quite lonely at the moment

This.
and stop paying his phone bill 🤦🏻‍♀️

Get yourself tested for STI's etc.
I think you'll find yourself happier when you've made the break to be honest and you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner. You and your kids deserve so much better x

Don't beat yourself up about not leaving sooner, leaving isn't something to be taken lightly and sometimes we live in hope that things will get better and if we just put a bit more in then things will turn out ok... But you are definitely not being selfish- he's had his chance, now it's your chance to make the future you want for you and your kids, good luck...

Jesus...leave yesterday, via the STI clinic!!