to think if my mum offered to babysit for a special occasion then she shouldn't then go book a holiday over that date?

[canofworms]

It's our 10th wedding anniversary in the summer and a few months ago my mum said she and my step-dad would come and stop at our house so we could go away if we wanted to.

So after a lot of deciding, we chose a trip of a lifetime but meant we'd be away for 4 nights. This is the 1st time we're leaving dd3 who will be 18months so we were a bit hesitant but couldn't do the trip in any shorter time.

So told my mum a couple of weeks back and she replied quite calmly that she's booked to go away that week so couldn't help out. So MIL offered to do it but she's not in the best of health and wasn't happy to sleep at our house, didn't want to drive our (family) car, wanted to know what takeouts dd3 can eat (she has a food allergy) etc and just generally didn't make us feel confident about leaving them.

So told my mum tonight that we'd cancelled the trip and she's missed the point completely I think. She offered to have the kids a different weekend instead (but that's a bit like doing christmas in January isn't it?). Didn't want to make her feel too guilty but I'm really disappointed that we had to cancel when it was her that offered in the first place.

Do you think I should remind her that she offered or just forget it (and maybe wait for our 20th anniversary!)?

SOrry but I think yabu. Before booking it you should have checked with her again. Perhaps that annoyed her, that you booked it without checking it was still okay.

That's what I thought so I've not made her feel bad about it. I was more annoyed because it was her who mentioned it first and got our hopes up.

We also made sure it was fully refundable if we had to cancel so we didn't take it for granted that she could

I think YANBU - you discussed it with good notice, she said she would. It is a very special anniversary so don't blame you for being disappointed.

I would talk to her calmly and explain you feel a bit let down and see whether she has a different understanding of the situation, if only to avoid future problems/misunderstandings.

I'm lost. Instead of checking it was fully refundable why didn't you just check that she was still ok to babysit?

I think we were a bit uneasy about going for so long so if it was fully refundable we could change our minds at any point. It was another reason why we didn't clarify the babysitting arrangments first

I think that's a good point wap about future misunderstandings. Don't want this to happen again else I really would get cross!

I think if I'd offered to babysit my dd's children for her 10th wedding anniversary, I'd check before I booked to go away anywhere near the date!

I think YANBU, but you'll just have to remember in future that she's a bit scatty like that & needs to be checked with before you book everything. I'd be fairly annoyed too.

I can see why you're upset but you shouldn't have booked it before checking with her, esp if you only discussed it months earlier. She could quite easily have forgotten when your anniversary is, or forgotten that she'd offered.

You shouldn't have booked without checking first I don't think.

My MIL did something similar - offered to have dd last half term then buggared off to Portugal for the winter a month earlier than usual.

Must be very disappointing for you. Are there any baby-sitting facilities so that you could go, have the days as a family and get sitters in the evening and have your romantic time together then? Alternatively, could you move the date to another week?