To think the longer you're in the work place the more obvious it becomes that the professional people, not your friends are who you should trust?

[EveryMinuteEveryHour]

Will keep this short. I work in the public sectorn sort of. My old role was very active but a medical emergency derailed my former career path when I had emergency surgery six months ago and overnight a new role was needed for me. I was put on the floor above doing admin in a different department, finishing a maternity contract that needed filling after one staff member had left unexpectedly. It was just timing that worked out, but to my surprise I was really good at it. The team was very quiet but nice seemingly and one woman made a big effort to get to know me, ask me for coffee breaks ( in a busy city centre so it's normal to go for coffee and lunch most days ) and accompany me for lunch. I felt awful because I had no tangible reason for it but I just got a gut feeling she wasn't really my friend. I also felt childish as I'm in my 30s and have never had such feelings about someone, or cared that much at work. My manager is different, very quiet, pleasant but there to do her job. She doesn't gossip or know much about anyone's lives and if you have a chat with her maybe a sentence or two of niceties are exchanged ( eg after annual leave 'did you have a nice holiday?' ) but then back to work. Friend has always slagged her off which I wouldn't allow in my presence and eventually she stopped doing it when I would just say I take people as I find them. Manager called me in the other week to see if I would stay in the department as the former employee is never returning and is to be a sahm. She was much softer than I had experienced before and it seems despite her aloof nature, she's noticed all of my good work for months. I said yes, to my surprise as I never thought I'd stay here. I told my friend and she was furious, telling me I'm making a mistake, not to trust her, that no offence was intended but I've only been there five minutes and has been vile basically ever since. She has since been sitting in a different part of the office and the distance she has created has been so noticeable that one of our colleagues explained that before I was here, the woman I replaced was also a friend of hers. I thought this odd as she had never mentioned it but, basically they said before going into maternity the woman I replaced was given the opportunity to shadow manager in her role ready for promotion and it caused a huge, jealous backlash from friend who treated her in the same way. I'm shocked because she was so welcoming to me, but really not surprised. I don't care at all, and I'm so pleased my hard work has been noticed but it's made me reflect all morning on how it really is the professional people like my manager, not necessarily work friends that matter at work isn't it. I'm so glad I never got into the habit of slagging my manager off judt to keep my new friend as I'm sure that would have spiralled. Does anyone else have any similar stories?

I do think you need to be careful in a with setting but I wouldn't make such broad statements based on one experience.

I have one very good friend who I work with and we hate the same people, but that's not the basis of our friendship. I have a couple of other friends who are more surface level and I do have to watch what I say because one cannot keep her mouth shut for love nor money and the other is terminally positive so wouldn't respond well to a bitch fest.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time with this person, hopefully you can make some new friends.

My managers (professionals in their dreams ) are the most deceitful, 2 faced, gossip loving fuckwits. They get promoted because nobody else would stick it. Can't wait to leave the cunts and definitely would never trust them.

You're not at work to make friends

If they're bitching to you, they're bitching about you, it goes for any part of life.

Wall of text alert

YABU to say you’ll keep it short and then post something so long without paragraphs. 😂

If they’re gossiping to you, they’re gossiping about you! And that’s that.

If they’re gossiping to you, they’re gossiping about you! And that’s that. Always good to remember this in life.

Yep. Ignore her. She was probably befriending you and feeding it all back to her friend. Her friend has dumped her and she's taking it out on you.

Just keep a note of any adverse behaviour and keep it professional.

Yes

I’m not going into my stories now but I have the mindset to be there to do my job and not make friends therefore it is easy for me observe and assess everyone’s personalities, behaviours and weaknesses

Is unfortunate but with certain people I’m always watching my back while trying to be two steps ahead and keeping the smile on my face while ‘they throw the banana skin for me to step on and fall but I happily skip over it pretending I did not notice’

At least it makes work insteresting enough
I’m very into psychology, facial expressions, body language etc so they are all my playground

Are you my colleague? 😂

So true!!

Simply not true.

Nope.

The professional people will shaft you to save their career.

Actual work friends will save your bacon.

Keep detailed notes of her recent behaviour and any future outbursts.

She is toxic, but so too can management be.
It is an individual trait, exclusive to no one group of people or sex.

I really do not put that much thought into work colleagues. There are some I would prefer to work with than others and might chat a bit more to when I go into the office but they are just colleagues who I will probably forget quite quickly when i.leave. Your description sounds more like school, sounds exhausting actually.

Everyone I work with is professional tbh. My department are my work friends at work, but we don't socialise outside of work. I definitely trust them. I also trust almost all of the senior leadership. Being friends with gossipy, unprofessional people who slag colleagues off behind their backs is never a good idea.