Christmas, 4yr old, Muslim friends

[Christmasyeah]

Hi!

I was just wondering how you’d all approach this situation.

My son has recently started school in September. If it helps, I was raised Catholic and had a traditional Christmas every year, along with presents, nativities and church.

My son attends a school with no fixed religion and though we have a wide mix of backgrounds the majority is Muslim children.

I chat to all the mums and the majority of Muslim mothers in my sons class have explained they’ve already told their children Santa doesn’t exist. They’ve told their kids not to tell the other children as it may upset them but obviously, they’re 4! Haha

So obviously some of the 4 year olds who’ve been told Santa doesn’t exist have started telling the other children. My son has not been told yet but I’m betting it’ll happen by the end of the week!

How would you all approach this if my son gets told? I want to say something along the lines of ‘Santa does exist but those children follow a different tradition and so he doesn’t need to visit them, but they get other presents and treats throughout the year in other ways’ - again, he’s 4, I don’t want to complicate it or ostracise the other kids and I do want to keep the magic of Santa alive (I know some won’t agree with this and the lying but I loved the anticipation growing up as a child and my son adores Santa)

He’s going to be told this throughout his life I just wanted to keep the magic alive whilst he’s this young.

I think what you plan to tell him us fine. FC visits those children who believe in him.

I think you're over complicating it.

We currently live abroad and DD1 (also aged 4) goes to a local nursery where every other child is from the Muslim community (some practicing, some not).
We celebrate Christmas every year and I've never given it a second thought.

Up till now, DD1 has never questioned it. If questions did arise, I'd probably just say that about FC coming to those who believe and then change the subject. I wouldn't go into it to deeply, especially at this age.

I’m not over complicating it, I’m just being prepared for something that has happened all this week. Nearly every child in his class has been told Santa doesn’t exist this week so I just want to get ready.

He also attended a predominantly Muslim nursery and it was never a thought because it didn’t matter.

Thank you, that’s a nice way to put it!

Just tell him it's true and Santa doesn't exist? Will save you having to concern yourself with maintaining his belief and when to tell him in the future! Christmas is a time where we all celebrate and spend time with family, his parents and grandparents buy the presents for him and each other, and when he's older he'll be buying lovely gifts for people too. Or offer to take him gift shopping for other parent, etc.

But I don't really get the worry over maintaining Santa belief. Seems like a lot of hassle!

Kids are very easily distracted at this age. Just keep it vague then carry on with the Christmas spirit.... we're writing our letter to Santa this weekend.
They believe because they want to believe.

Your answer is great; also as a pp said the kids don't really think about it much. They understand different families do things differently.

Also, he's bound to hear that from a Christian classmate with a mouthy older sibling before long! In my experience most kids have a long period of hedging on the existence of FC and they still enjoy the tradition and stories even when they don't.

Many Muslim households do Santa and Christmas so I would not worry on that front.

I'm a Muslim mum and have told my kids that santa doesn't come to us as we are Muslim and have our special eids. They do get token gifts at Xmas so stocking filler type stuff and they know this is from us. Eventually they will realise he doesn't exist. I'd just tell your child that he doesn't cone to children that don't believe in him.

Thank you for your personal experience, I think I’m going to lead with this and explain he only visits children who believe in him and Muslim have other special days that we don’t. Thanks again!

@Christmasyeah my daughter had a child in her class whose parents divorced. at 5 years old (primary1) her mum said there was no santa cos she had no money. my daughter came to me and told me so I said do you remember all those presents you got from santa last year? she said yes. then i said do you think mummy and daddy could afford to buy all those presents? she thought for a few moments and said no. I said that is the answer so obviously there is a santa! she was happy for another 4 years!

I am little confused. You said you were brought up having traditional Catholic celebrations. Santa is not part of that, surely. Do you mean that you now no longer celebrate religious holiday of Christmas and want a different experience for your child?

Is one only possible without the other?

I'm not religious at all but surely the religious side can be celebrated alongside the cultural side? That's certainly what I've seen with the Christian and Catholic families I know.

Didn't it all start with St Nicholas anyway?

My family are Christian and never did Santa with my kids. Christmas is the birth of Christ now worshiping rampent consumerism masquerading as 'culture' or 'magic' or whatever people believe it is. I told my kids most kids believe in it so don't ruin it. When asked about it we say we don't believe in him so he doesn't come to us. I still do stockings etc but kids know it was me.

That comment earlier telling a kid Santa is real after a single mum couldn't afford expensive gifts. Would that child honestly not tell their friend mummy said he is real- leaving that kid thinking he's not as special because his gifts were cheep? How many poor families suffering stress trying to find money they don't have for Christmas. The whole thing is just rife with emotional upset and it disproportionately impacts those in poverty. This is NOT what Christmas should be

Our family is secular, my parents are orthodox and celebrate Christmas on a different day. My partner’s parents are catholics and their Christmas celebrations look very different and are centred around church and prayer. As a secular person, I don’t celebrate the birth of Jesus and I don’t join with the church going. I don’t expect either of our sets of parents to join in with Santa thing. I wasn’t part of my childhood experience, for sure.
I am just trying to understand where the OP sits on this continuum.

I'm not sure how it's relevant at all where OP "sits on this continuum", this particular family clearly include Santa in their festive celebrations which is all you need to know.

And that's great for you and your family

Or Christmas is a Christianisation of the midwinter feast celebrated by many cultures? I grew up in a devout Catholic home in a devout Catholic society, and of course we also did Santa Claus and got excited about presents.

OP, I’m sure your son is so used to his multi-faith surroundings he will accept that different people believe in different things. We never did FC as literally real with DS, who was a natural skeptic from toddlerhood (but who has always adored Christmas and continues to now, aged 12), but he went to a primary school with large numbers of children who did not celebrate Christmas, or who did, but had completely different Christmas stories about who brought the presents and when, and it didn’t bother his believing friends in the slightest.

OP I have been through exactly this. I live overseas in a Muslim country so DD has been told by her friends quite early on that FC isn't real.

I want her to believe and keep the magic for as long as possible!

We've simply said: well your friends don't believe in Santa, as they have different beliefs to us and celebrate different things.

Just as they celebrate Eid and Ramadan, we celebrate Christmas.

And FC is real 🤪

Of course Santa is real. The Muslim children don't get a visit from him so they think he isn't real.

You don't celebrate Eid so you don't get Eid presents. German children put their shoes outside and they are filled with sweets by St Nikolaus. He doesn't visit children in England but he still exists.

I think that the way you are going to explain it is perfect

Nothing to do with faith, but a mouthy neighbour who enjoyed stirring, told a dd, still only 5, that FC didn’t exist. Dd was distraught. Neighbour had form for effing and blinding in public (witnessed by dd) so I told her that neighbour had probably been so naughty when she was little that FC never came, so no wonder she didn’t believe in him.

Worked like a charm.

@Catza I'm catholic, and at mass every Christmas eve the priest tells the kids to get home and straight to bed for Santa coming. And on Christmas day the priest asks if Santa came and all the kids are clapping and shouting yes. Santa is absolutely a part of it.

OP wants to ‘do’ Santa though, each to their own. OP, I think your approach is perfectly fine.