I've raised four - two men, two women. They are 31, 37, 39, 48 now. They have lives of their own; I divorced their father after 29 years and I remarried three years later.
My new DH of ten years and I are both about to turn 70. We have been married 10 years. We have a trust set up for property, but we need input from all the kids as to what they envision if either of us needs help managing the other should either of us get dementia.
We do not presently live near either child, they all live in different states here in the US and are managing their own lives and families well.
I don't want to impose, but I feel a need to get some idea of if they want to be involved as I age. I don't think my DH has the ability to manage my medical needs should I be stricken with dementia or a stroke. And I strongly do not want institutional care: ever, but I do not want to burden anyone.
My DH is retired and has long term care available should he become unable for me to manage, so if he does need dementia care in a facility or at home, and I am unable to handle him, I have a plan for him.
I on the other hand have no such benefit for long term care should I become debilitated in later life and want to figure out a plan, so I can relax about it and all the kids know what the game plan is for dear Mom. I don't want to wait until a disaster strikes, or I begin to go downhill.
Both my DHs parents had different types of dementia. His father had Alzheimer type, died at 86, his mother had lack of brain blood flow type dementia and died at 92 in a nursing home, long term care facility.
I don't want to be put into a nursing facility. I have brought the subject up to eldest DD but she rolled her eyes and rather blew me off.
If I were your parent how should I approach you to discuss and create and aging care plan (if needed)?
I am, as I said, 70 next year, very healthy, exercise daily, don't drink or smoke, weigh what I weighed at 16, was into sports (track and field) in high school. My Dad lived to 82 (drank and smoked), and his parents lived to 98 and 99. My mother began smoking at 16, died of COPD/emphysema at age 72 due to her smoking; otherwise she was healthy and at a good weight when she died.
How do I approach my grown kids, they all live in different states and we, all of us, never get together all at once. I do not want to be kept alive if I have dementia; no heroic measures.
Help/suggestions? Am I being unreasonable to want their input to help me plan this issue?