To ask for some help building DD's self esteem and confidence

[halloweenismyjam]

I have a 6 year old DD. She is the most beautiful, kind hearted soul but she is so shy and takes absolutely everything to heart. She's going through a bad stage at the moment of thinking everyone doesn't like her, she thinks she's rubbish at school, struggles with friends etc. she's had a big confidence knock recently as she broke her arm and so she hasn't been able to play with her normal group of friends as much. She's also most likely dyslexic and has started to notice that she struggles a bit more with school work compared to her classmates. Me and DH constantly praise her, tell her how much we love her etc but she just seems so down on herself all the time.

I want to treat her to a girls weekend just me and her. We have done this in the past as her younger brother has additional needs and takes up a lot of my time so it's nice to get some mommy daughter time together. I want it to be something fun that will build up her confidence in herself but obviously I'm limited in options with her broken arm! Does anyone have any suggestions?

Anyone?

I have no advice as such but I just wanted to say that I’m really sorry your DDs going through this, it must be really difficult not knowing how to help. I think the best thing for her is the love and support she’s getting from you both. Her broken arm will heal and she’ll be playing with her friends again soon, but in the meantime I think a day for the two of you sounds lovely, and it’ll be even more special as it’s not something you often do.

Hope she’s feeling better soon.

As your options are limited perhaps treat her now to something like a theatre trip (a bit of mental escapism can help) and then book something more active/skill builder for when she's better. Then she has something to look forward to?

You sound like a great Mum. My DD also suffers from low self esteem. She does Brownies which is great for earning rewards/badges and pottery outside of school.

Things like putting her art up...it get her to make a calender, perhaps one of those on line ones to give to family...you can regularly mention it then.

Is there something she's good at. Can she swim? Lessons the achievements that she can recognize for her self.

Get her to learn a poem so that again she can recognise her own achievement

A time for just the 2 of you sounds great. What about cooking together so she's doing something for the family to enjoy.

Brownies would be brilliant if she would go (I was very shy and went to several things once, or got to the door and bulked)

Can she make presents, friendship bracelets for her friends?

I think the number one thing that makes kids feel self-confident is being able to do things, mastering skills.
Having really helpful jobs around the house, learning to cook, taking care
of animals or a garden, camping, learning to sew or knit.

Maybe something like a hike, or a pottery creation class?

Not quite what youve asked but if she is feeling left out with friends, have you arranged any play dates at your house to help encourage the friendships? Extra clubs such as rainbows/beavers that is built on social groups is a good idea and will help her make friends outside of school.

Depends on her interests really. We did a session with a proper potter made a clay pot that they fired etc was very enjoyable and took you out of yourself.

Not sure you as a parent can build her confidence though - she has to do that herself. Hopefully it’s just a stage.

I like the pp that said a theatre trip. You could add a night in a premier inn and watch a movie and have dinner together.

To build her confidence get her dyslexia diagnosed and supported. I am dyslexic and have knowing it at 8 meant that I got support from my parents and I knew that I was not just stupid.

Also talk kindly being her beck. Let her hear you and your husband talk positively about her, tell her teddies/toys or her brother 'dd is so helpful as she went and got x from the kitchen.' 'De is so loving she gives the best hugs'.

Do you have good self esteem, OP? From observation, when children have one / both parents who struggle they tend to struggle too. Is it possible to build up your own skills / relationships / life in order to model that positivity to her?

Achievements and skills will help here.
Get her involved in chores and baking/cooking
Is she interested in learning a sport or musical instrument?
Would she be interested in scouts or brownies?
Don't always rescue her. Sometimes, you can ask her to deal with things or figure things out herself.

Head over to the British Dyslexia Society and see how you can help and support your child. There are other resources and even apps that can help.

My DD was similar at that age, she was diagnosed with a visual processing disorder. At 9 she joined a theatre group it played to her strengths she learnt her lines and songs by listening not reading. It really helped her confidence and it became her career.

I agree with achievements and skills. She needs to be able to think 'ok, my handwriting isn't as neat as Billy's and I only got four spellings but I can dive off the top board'.

Also, having more than one circle of friends it's important, especially as they get a bit older. There can be a bit of a shake up in year three/four so having a friendship group outside of scan be invaluable.

Support her as much as you can in school on the academic side. Read up on dyslexia if that's what you think could be affecting her so you can try different strategies and practical ways to help her.