Ex swinger

[ThatFunAmberLeader]

My boyfriend of 8 months was a swinger before me but won't stop talking about it asking if I'd join in I tried it once and it wasn't for me but after tht he stopped and then he start working away and now messages me everyday talking about what he wants to do iv found out by 3 people he was having phone s...ex with them and he said he didn't but the proof was there can he ever change are am I fighting a losing battle should I walk away are fight

Usually when people say "I've known him for 15/20/25 years and he was my first love", what they actually mean is that they knew him 15 years ago and caught up again a year ago.

so he made sure to get his feet under your table and make you feel responsible for him before trying to bully you into doing sexual stuff you don't want to do?

You owe him nothing.

Nothing.

You want to fight to keep someone who has phone sex with other people and is trying to pressure you into swinging?

Why do you hate yourself?

Honestly, bin him off. Give him a couple weeks notice to move out. It doesn't sound like swinging is something he's open to/might enjoy occasionally/ forms a small part of a full and healthy sex life. It sounds like swinging is what he is, what he does, and he can't be happy without it- or be happy with one woman at all. Don't let the fact that he's moved in prematurely make you feel guilty. Get him out of your home and find someone that loves YOU, not someone that's looking for a woman to participate in his kink (and provides a home for him to do it in!)

Well that was foolish.

You have to want to do the Swing for yourself, not for him.

If you don’t want to, this relationship is not for you. He’ll be swinging til he can’t swing no more.

If you are looking for monogamy, move him out and find it with someone else.

And has he got a job?

Run and don't look back ...

@ThatFunAmberLeader

There is absolutely NO 'ex-swinger' or 'was a swinger before me'. He is still a swinger.

He may not be 'active', but the fact that he won't let it go after you've said 'tried it, hated it, not for me' shows that it's still his chosen lifestyle and he expects you to 'partake'. And his having phone sex (probably about swinging) to randoms shows that he is a cheater.

You have two choices; allow him to continue to badger and harass you about it until you either give in and/or he cheats OR you kick him out and block him.

I know what I'd do! Any man who does not respect my sexual choices, harasses me to do things I don't want to do, and feels that cheating is OK as long as it's to 'satisfy a need' their partner will not fulfill is not worth one iota of my time.

Oh, OP. You deserve better than this.

He sounds awful.

If he's pressuring you, he has a sexual interest that doesn't include a monogamous relationship with you. He could very well still be swinging.

Walk away. In fact run away.

He's not a genuine swinger if he's trying to persuade you into it. The fundamental thing about swinging is that everyone involved has to be giving their consent to it willingly. Anything else isn't swinging. Pushing someone into it isn't swinging, it's being a dickhead if a partner (and in some cases can be full on coercion).

Lots of men try and persuade new partners into it as it's easier for couples to find people to meet than single guys as there are fucking of millions of guys.

The fact that he isn't being honest with you about the phone sex is also a massive red flag. He's lying so is quite possibly lying about no longer swinging as well.

Do get an STI check please. Not because all swingers are careless with their sexual health, but because many cheating men are careless with the sexual health.

He's lying to you, why even consider staying? You aren't compatible.

Fight for what, OP. A homeless ex-swinger who's currently having phone sex with multiple other women? On what planet is that worth fighting for? Bin him today.

.

Dump the shit. He'll find another sucker to shack up with

What on Earth do you see in this sleazy cocklodger? Bin him now and get a spine!

You aren’t fighting a losing battle. You are sitting in the aftermath of a battle that has been resoundingly lost already.

He has already cheated by having phone sex. What else is there to lose here? He’s either not interested in or not capable of monogamy.

I voted that you ABU for thinking he'll change, sorry if that messes up the voting.
For the avoidance of doubt, the red flags are bunting.

Oh come on

This guy knows how to play you. If you say it’s over, what’s the bet he starts talking about either marriage OR a baby.

He's a liar and a cheat and deep down you know it. Get him out of your house and your life.

Your swinger boyfriend might end up being your pimp unless you kick him out, why would you risk staying with him?

I hope to god you don't have children living with you.

Nothing wrong with consenting to swinging, but rape and sexual abuse shouldn't be included.

JFC what a seedy and disgusting man he is. Absolutely gross!

Tell him it's not working, give him notice to move out.

He does not respect your boundaries.

I know I'm old .
I know I'm married 30 years.
I know the world has changed.
But what I really know is
Self respect hasn't changed
Self worth hasn't changed .
So please do yourself a favour and run like the wind .