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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this toxic behaviour to do this

6 replies

WhitePoinsettia · 13/11/2024 13:25

One of our extended family has cosied up to an elderly acquaintance they met a few years ago and is doing things for them that I just think is horrible, toxic behaviour.

So, this relative, gets paid by this person to write horrible letters to people. So, for example they wrote threatening letters to their neighbour about their noise, and another about plants or trees overhanging their fence. They also pay them to write to shops complaining about staff members who they didn’t like an interaction with, and basically anyone who comes into contact with them as a tradesperson. The letters are usually threatening with the police or a solicitor. Each time they write a letter on their behalf and post it, they get about £100. They’ve made a few grand out of it.

This relative has no shame over this at all and tells us what they have bought with the money. They’ve also admitted the person receiving it has done nothing wrong.

On one occasion I did pull them up on this and ask if they had thought about the person on the receiving end of the letter and what that’d feel like. I used the example of my own brother who is a tradesman and has had a very hard time financially, impacting his family and children, when people have bad mouthed his good work, or tried to get out of paying. Perhaps I am a bit biased with his experience.

This person is not one of my relatives. I just know that I wouldn’t do this for someone without good reason. It’s toxic. What kind of a person does this? As a result of this, and some other behaviours,I don’t want to be around this relative. I think they are horrible, lacking in empathy, and I don’t need horrible people in my life.

AIBU and biased towards them, or yes this is f&cking awful behaviour to other people?

OP posts:
Chowtime · 13/11/2024 13:37
Confused
ButryMashPot · 13/11/2024 13:47

Have you posted about this before as this story sounds familiar?

Pusheen467 · 13/11/2024 13:53

Wtf that's terrible

vodkaredbullgirl · 13/11/2024 13:59

🤔

WhitePoinsettia · 13/11/2024 14:02

I’m not sure. I don’t think so as it’s really outing. I don’t care any more though.

I just want to feel comfortable with the very LC I’ve gone with this person who I think doesn’t act either with integrity or empathy for other human beings.

OP posts:
WhitePoinsettia · 13/11/2024 14:16

Plus it’s coming up to Christmas and I feel emotionally blackmailed by others to have them over.

Not sure why I feel so strongly about this, but I do. I’m not virtuous or anything, I just don’t want to hang out with people who I think lack basic humanity.

OP posts:
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