These old male colleagues are weird

[Emila]

Bit of a rant but at the same time it just makes me sad to think that so many men are like this. So I'm 26 now, but when I was 19-23 I worked for a company across multiple branches in sales. I was always the only woman. Since I've left, no word of a lie, 3 of my old managers and 4 of my colleagues (male) have randomly texted me flirty messages for a 'catch up' although they were never flirty when I worked there. I looked up to these men all as they were more experienced than me. Theyve called me things like 'little one,' 'trouble' and 'supermodel.' One messaged me at 3am then deleted the message a day later and another said 'hey u look different long time no speak.' Theyre all married and older than me. I never reply.
They have zero reason to message me as when I left the business they knew I was changing industry entirely and we would never talk other than for work stuff at work. I'm also pissed because they have wives and kids. I'd be fuming if my husband was messaging an old (much younger) female colleague out of the blue for no reason other than to say 'hey trouble' and ask for a catch up.
Weird behaviour.
Today I've received another one and I replied 'what are you hoping to achieve from this conversation?'
Am I being a bitch or reading into it?

The joys of LinkedIn - I have had colleagues who I dismissed (I work in HR) send me threats, a couple of creepy ex colleagues behaving similarly to your situation, and a lot of random people asking me to give them a UK work visa (sometimes in exchange for money). I reported to work (and filled in the non emergency police report) for the threats, the rest I delete. I treated it like spam and blocked the messengers.

Screenshot their messages and start sending it to their wives. Im mid 30s now and married with 3 kids so doesnt happen as much, but definitely experienced alot of this late teens / early 20s. Its gross, unfortunately happens far too often. I once had a male colleague brush past my bum and then laugh acting like it was just an innocent accident. I wish id had the guts to call it all out but most of the time no one believes it anyway.

It makes one despair and think so much less of them. Why do they think they can get away with it? Invariably women tend to be angry with the "other woman" but then find out that the husband portrayed himself as single, unloved or something else like that. It's just awful the way some people behave.

I've seen it in when exiting another male dominated sector (policing) - ime they can be deeply manipulative in their attempts to reel women in so I just block without replying.

Probably messing about seeing who can get you to meet up - i'd block and move on.

The shock for me was when I became a single mum, many random messages from married men all hours of the night offering me “company if I got lonely” .. over the years my view of men has been irrepairably tainted unfortunately

@MarkingBad The OP does say she was the only woman and was aged 19-23 so that would make her memorable (especially to creepy older guys).

TBH all I would reply is pretty much answered in my previous posts.

If it happened it happened.

I would do this. It is pretty inappropriate really. Say they were inappropriate whilst you were there and now that you have left they are still contacting you. It will at least probably embarrass them a bit. One of them will probably tell someone's wife in the hope that they end up in the wife's knickers too no doubt.

Love your response in your opener OP😂

I'll bet he came back with: "Only trying to be friendly Luv, don't take it the wrong way/sorry to upset you!!"

Had similar happen to me - and not that long ago (I'm mid 50's 😂)
I gave polite short shift, but obviously really wounded his pride.
If I am ever in his vicinity he says to others loudly:

"Great talking to you pal!"

"It's nice to be friendly!"

"Yes, people always tell me I'm such a friendly bloke! "

He hasn't got over my rejection obviously. 😁

Knobhead

I think you should arrange to meet up with each and everyone of them OP - at the same time, on the same date, in the same pub. Then accidentally on purpose forget to turn up. 😂

Some men are like this ugh, also happens if you get divorced. It lessens as you get older thankfully. It can leave you feeling like most men are scum though.

I can say this from an honest male perspective.

I'm not going to go into the morals of married men because you don't know what the state of their marriages are and I'm not sure it makes a difference anyway.

Straight men, if there is little or no risk to their situation are always going to hold out for the possibility of sex with an attractive adult women, and by attractive I mean a woman that lacks repulsive qualities, however unlikely or inappropriate it may seem. The age gap means nothing, because men know that it's not always a deal breaker for women.

It's usually socially acceptable to try once and once you left the business there was nothing to lose except your good opinion of them and if the possible of sex isn't on the cards, then your opinion of them won't matter anyway.

Why give them your number then , if you don't want them texting you? I would just block them

Definitely not! The men are from across 2 different branches and messages aren't all received around the same time. They're just weird

We had a work group chat so yeah I guess they've gone on there and got my number

Update: he never replied, just read and ignored. I blocked him.

I've had another weirdo recently too but not an ex colleague. I went on 3 dates with a guy in December 2021 over a few weeks, decided I didn't want it to go anywhere and it ended amicably. Then when I got into a relationship in February 2022 he sent me an entitled essay of a text having a go at me for not wanting him and calling me a sociopath. It was so weird.

He's recently tried to send me instagram follow requests. I rejected them twice then he texted me 'hey, how you been?' As if nothing had happened.

I literally sent the same response 'what are you hoping to achieve from this conversation?'

HE ALSO DIDNT REPLY HAHA. Blocked.

I used to ignore them but now I'm really loving showing them I'm NOT an option. I've cracked the perfect response to send to men 😂

Also, I used to be a cleaner for a family last year for extra money. Married couple with two young kids. When I was cleaning, the dad would compliment me randomly and started to get creepy so I made up an excuse and left the job. The dad tracked me down on Instagram recently, even though my name isn't on my Instagram at all and I'm on private. He's requested to follow me about 5 times and every time I've rejected it. Im friendly with his wife and still regularly see her wife out and about as we live in a tiny village, we always chat when we see eachother. Would love to tell her because I'm scared that I'll end up with a husband who does stuff like this and I never know :( I don't want to cause drama in our village though.

Yeah it's unsurprising really

The vast majority of men are total players

I worked in an intensive care unit as the most junior on the team of all male doctors in 1990. Never had any problems. Always the greatest of respect between us. There was friendly supportive banter but no inuendo at all. It was one of my favourite jobs in my hospital medical rotation. Really saddens me to read of men like this.