This is probably going to be a bit of a long one so you may want to grab a coffee 😀
I moved down south back in the year 2000 and met my now husband. We have no kids and no family in the area we live. We have made a few friends through work, neighbourhood etc.
something is not right between us and It is really getting me down.
We are both in our 50s and have always done everything together and have always been happy and content. Being in a new area with no family over the last 25 years made us very close. I have a good social life and enjoy day/night outs with the girls, trips away etc and he never has an issue with this. As long as I am happy he is happy.
He is very relaxed and easily pleased and will happily go for a walk and stop at the local pub for a couple of beers. He has a close friend from work that he often meets for a drink and occasionally he goes to London to meet old school friends.
This all sounds very positive but I feel lonely and very sad. All my friends are couples and when we get invited to anything he won’t go. He says you go, have a lovely time and I will pick you up.
when I do manage to persuade him to come to a friends house I can tell he is not comfortable there and either he will leave early or we will both leave early.
I go to shows in our local theatre but again he won’t go but will meet me after to go for a drink in our local. He is very social with them all in the pub. It seems to be that he doesn’t like the confined space thing. Being in somebody’s house, small talk etc.
recently a friend asked if we would like to go to London for a drink and then go for a meal. He said he doesn’t see the point going all the way to London when we can do the same thing here. I feel very frustrated at this comment and said because it’s a different place, atmosphere and a day out.
he doesn’t agree. He said he would only go if it was to do something that he was interested in.
he said that I am being selfish and should accept that he doesn’t enjoy these kind of social events. He said I understand that you enjoy sitting in somebody’s house chin wagging and playing silly games but that is not for him.
This is causing us to bicker, something that we have never done. He keeps blaming my hormones and says I am being unreasonable.
I genuinely am feeling very lonely and sad. I miss the bond we had together when it was just me and him. I feel like there is a division between us. I feel sad that when I do anything I have to do it alone with other couples.
why did this not bother me before? Why is it bothering me now?
why do I feel so unsettled? I have even suggested we move back to my home town so that I can be closer to my family. He said he would if it makes me happy but I know that he won’t be happy and this makes me feel guilty.
he doesn’t do the family thing. Even now if I go home I go home alone. He is making an effort this year at Xmas but he Keeps pointing out that he doesn’t want to stay any more than 2 days. He has no family, his parents have passed.
I really don’t know how to deal with this. We talk about it but just don’t seem to get anywhere. He will cuddle me and make me feel better but it doesn’t take away everything that is making me sad and lonely.