Snobby parents

[Hateschoolpickup]

name changed for this

There is one parent whose dd is in the same class as mine (reception). I see her nearly every time I go and pick my DD up but I never make an effort to speak to her. I did enthusiastically introduced myself on the first day of school but she barely said hi back and clearly didn’t want to engage in a cold manner. Since that day, I have largely ignored her at pick up (we do know who each other are). My dd is the first dd to go to the school and her dd is their 3rd dc to go through the school. If I see other parents or carers I know, I do chat to them in the pick up line and all will engage in small talk

Our DDs are not friends (they went to different nursery prior to reception) but it is a small school with only one class per form..so I was wondering if I should make an effort to speak to her next time or don’t bother? I don’t want to feel snubbed again.

I also wonder is it because it’s her third dc and my first dc to attend the school which has caused the difference in attitude?

As it’s her 3rd dc and she knows the ropes, she has been acting like she is the class rep on our WhatsApp group (there isn’t officially one) and providing sometimes good suggestions and her 2 cents on all matters so I was surprised at being snubbed on the first day as she sounded so enthusiastic in the chat….

just want to hear any other similar experience at the school gate - sometimes I feel a dread to be early to pick up

YABU - I should try and speak to her as our dd are in the same class and will continue to be so for the next couple of years so nothing to lose by being friendly and initiating small talk.

YANBU - don’t bother as she clearly doesn’t care to engage - she could easily have come to speak to me too.

There you are. You were mildly friendly. She was mildly friendly. She’s almost certainly not a snob or a monster who took an instant dislike to your shoes or posture or something. You might even end up liking one another.

@Thepeopleversuswork — I agree. Maybe in those taster sessions where they bring in pre-Reception children for an hour or two before the summer vac, they could have compulsory ‘How to do basic social interactions’ sessions for parents. Or you could only opt out if you demonstrated you were capable of standing in the school yard with a bunch of other parents without deciding they’re a ‘clique’ giving you side-eye based on your own projection.

She doesn't know you, she doesn't owe you a friendship. You say there are others you do know...chat to them?

It isn't all or nothing, she isn't necessarily snobby and to be hated/ignored, she's just someone you don't know.

@Vissi

I am half serious about this though: it scares the bejesus out of me that people who can’t negotiate stuff like this are having children and passing this social neurosis onto them.

I know schools do coffee mornings and drop ins and stuff but I almost wonder if it needs to be mandatory for people whose kids are starting in reception.

What on earth are people telling their kids if they are calling random people “snobs” or “cliques” because they have failed to see them? The mind boggles.

I don't understand - you say you are actively ignoring her, yet you are complaining about her being cold and distant to you?

Who knows what was going on with her on that first day (could have been how you approached, she could have been stressed about something, she could have been planning her dinner and a bit "spacey").

Seems a mountain out of a molehill and, at this point, mostly based on your actions, not hers.

One other thought- when mine were at primary school I went through hell at home with their dad. I didn’t always feel like making happy small talk at the school gate.

We really don’t know what else is going on in another person’s life, even if they put on a good ‘face’ on a WhatsApp group etc.

Maybe she's introverted and has difficulty talking to strangers. Maybe she had a big project due at work that is occupying her mind. Maybe someone she cares for is very ill and she was worried. Maybe she just found out her bank account is overdrawn. Maybe the kids had been acting up at home and she was at the end of her sanity. Maybe she had a headache. Maybe she just didn't feel like talking.

There could be any number of things going on that have absolutely nothing to do with you, but because she didn't greet you happily and warmly as you had decided you were entitled to, you decided to call her a snob. Lovely. Maybe, just maybe, it wasn't all about you.

OP desperate to be "in" with the Queen Bee.

This is like an episode of Motherland.

No, definitely not. Great imagination though

You are giving this random woman way too much thought.

Just chat to the ones who are friendly and don't worry about the rest.