I need to leave

[AnnieMay2000]

I apologise in advance for posting here but I'm desperate. Married 18 years, together 25, three teenagers. My husband has been verbally and emotionally abusive to me for the last eight years. At times financially abusive and physically.

I can't take it anymore. No friends or family. Mortgage is in joint names. I dont even want to stay in the house. I can't work but I do get a payment, couldn't afford rent or mortgage on my own though.

I'm in Ireland and I'm hoping somebody can help me. In this situation could I apply for HAP. Gardai were called to the house last night because of his behaviour but he told them a pack of lies as usual. Any advice welcome. Thank you.

Do you have any family or friends you can go to now? It’s easier to work these things out from a place of safety.

If the house is jointly owned, he will need to either buy you out or sell it and split the equity.

In Ireland to get hap you need to be accepted onto the council list , which can be difficult when you own half a property. You'd be better off ringing a dv charity and they'll be able to advise further. There's ways around everything and they'd know all the tricks.

I have absolutely nobody. He couldnt afford to buy me out and there wouldn't be enough equity for us to both purchase homes if the house was sold.

I have just emailed Womens Aid. Will follow up with a phone call tomorrow when he's not around.

Go into court and have him barred from the house. The police will advise you around this especially as they were called last night. Go to your local community welfare officer for emergency money and advice. You will be entitled to Legal Aid as you don't work. Take a step at a time.

Great that you've done that.
If the system is the same as the UK, you may need to take the children to a safe house initially and work out what to do next from there. There will be people on hand to help with practicalities and he won't be able to get at you.

I wanted to go to court today but couldn't face it. I was awake all night crying and worrying. Totally worn out. I cant get a barring order straight away. I previously got a protection order that lasted three months, if he had of broke that I could have got a barring order and have him removed from the house. He was as good as gold for them three months.

My two girls aged 14 and 16 told the Garda that they want to stay with their Dad. He has turned my children against me. My 12 year old was asleep.

Firstly, the days of having to stay with an abuse spouse are long gone in Ireland and where you find yourself is well recognised, and thousands of women have got out of the exact situation and there is no reason you can not.
But you need to get help and support from every place possible. Start with women's aid, the local authority housing department. Don't assume anything. You'll find they can offer help you wouldn't expect and if they can't at least you know what options you have.
He's going to use your children as weapons. That's standard. All the threats about never seeing your children again, etc etc are empty. Don't cave in when he tries to emotionally blackmail you or uses his status in the community to make you doubt your feelings and the facts.
You can do it but you need help. Don't think you don't deserve all the help on offer, you do,

I'm in similar sytuation kids age 14/15 he just twisted them against me they want to stay with him. He is verbally abusive hence kids as well. No respect whatsoever to my person. His jealousy is sick.
I have contacted DV last year as I can't afford to move out and also scared he will ask for child maintenance I won't afford to survive. DV offered place but possibly in hostel with people with MH problems etc. I couldn't face it also would need to pay a rent which is horrendous and because I work full time and have no other problems will be at the bottom of waiting list for council housing it may take one year. I can't still get over what will happen to kids if I move out.
Now he is suggesting I take a mortgage I told him I can if he pays deposit and he laughs that I won't do anything. Is just drowning me I'm exhausted from listening swearing and laughing at me.