Cliquey office

[CathyCole]

Recently started part time in a new office, only a couple of days a week. The reception from my fellow colleagues has been far from welcoming. I get a ‘morning’ and a ‘good bye’ but that’s about it. I know they don’t have to make the effort, we are there to work and it’s not a social gathering but it’s chipping away at me. I wouldn’t even say they’re unfriendly, they just act like I’m invisible, not even there. I’ve been trying to work out whether it’s me but I really don’t think so, I haven’t done anything that could have upset them. I’m a fairly quiet person which hasn’t helped matters but they’ve made zero effort to include me in the office chit chat, breaks to get coffees etc. They’ve all worked together for a long time and clearly have bonded and become good friends. It just feels like being left out in the playground and I come away feeling more and more rubbish each time

It's shit. I sympathise OP.

It has always been thus. It takes a while to infiltrate such groups... if you want to. They are being civil to you so nothing major to complain about. If you would like closer bond then bring in biscuits and always offer others a cup of tea if you make one.

It’s likely not malicious and they probably aren’t even aware. You are going to have to break in, as pp said food is a good one, make tea, try and get to know them individually

They’ve all worked together for a long time and clearly have bonded and become good friends.

It'll probably take a while then.

We've had a couple of new starters in recent months at work, and I always go out of my way to involve them in chat/lunch etc, but one of them was incredibly difficult to engage because she's so very quiet. It was almost painful at one point and I felt like I was bothering her.

She's opened up a little bit now although it's clear she's still quite a reserved person, but she seems happy with the level of communication.

The other new starter was completely different. She has a big personality/sense of humour and you couldn't ignore her if you tried! 🤣

Hopefully it's a slow burner but you'll all get there in the end OP

It's almost definitely not you OP. Some places are just like that, and it's horrible. Is there one person who is a bit more welcoming, maybe focus on them and they will invite you to stuff? Have you been given a buddy or mentor or anyone? Are there any other newish people, maybe outside your team?

The only other advice I can say is if your manager asks how you are settling in, be honest. It doesn't have to be in a moany or naggy way, just say something like 'I think I'm getting to grips with the work but I have to be honest and don't think I've bonded much with the team. I appreciate the ethos of every office is different but everywhere else I've worked there seems to have been more enthusiasm for new people joining whereas I don't feel that is the case here, I feel more of an imposition that anything else. I don't expect anyone to be my best friend but it does mean that it makes me feel more awkward about asking for help if I need it.'

Other than that I suppose you just have to give it time but try not to let it get you down. They haven't made the effort to know you so it can't be anything wrong with your personality!

You’re the new arrival, you’re the one not happy with the status quo, so you need to be the one who makes the effort. Offer coffees etc.

You probably were bothering her. There's room for reserved people at work, we don't all have to be BIG PERSONALITIES (read twat).

Or people can stop with their cliquey playground nonsense.

Yeah I think I was bothering her which is why I and a few others backed off and as I say, she seems happy now with the level of communication.

The woman with the big personality is lovely though too, a genuinely nice woman.

Not sure why you'd call her a twat when you've never met her, but that's for you to know where you're coming from on that score I guess.