How much travelling did you do to see family with a new baby?

[Mamma2837]

Family live 2-3h away, in London no less, so a day trip adds up to 4-5h drive given that there's almost always traffic. We do this every couple months.

I'm now in my third trimester. DH doesn't want to put a new baby through lots of driving on day trips to see them because of the risk of SIDS, which I agree with.

We also have an older DC who has high emotional needs SEN so we always have to bring a ton of stuff for overnight trips. Adding on everything you need for a little baby, it starts to feel unmanageable and exhausting for just a weekend. Also family don't really have enough space for us - one double bed and a single sofa bed. And we don't know how the new baby will impact DC - hopefully it will all be positive. 🙈

I thought we would ask family to visit us for the first 6 months and then maybe we would start occasional day trips again when the days are longer, but DH is saying first 12m. I'm don't mind staying at home, but is it reasonable to ask this from family? None of them drive so unless they do all the visiting we won't see them in baby's first year. We also don't have any room for guests (plus DC is a handful) so they may have to stay in a Airbnb/hotel. Parents are also in their mid-70s so it seems like a big ask. We're not terribly close to them, but we've been trying to make an effort for their sakes and DC.

I am ok to just chill at home and stay local for 2025 but I was wondering what other people do - I imagine they just get on with it and travel as far as they need to and stay with family after having a new baby!

i am due just before christmas ,they will meet my other half parents which are a 30 min drive away but not the rest of the family.They are in Blackpool so about a 8hr drive we will go see them February half term so when they a re about 2 months old ,we will stop every 2 hrs .We book a hotel as we cant stay with family but sometimes airbnb.This my third so made this trip with babys before i say a few months is fine but up to you

I’m of the opinion that you make the effort to go and visit a new baby at their home not expect baby to come to you. Mid 70s isn’t old in the slightest these days. They choose to live in London, they choose not to drive. I’m sure they are more than capable of hopping on a train to visit their baby grandchild rather than you lugging all your baby stuff around when you might still be dealing with postpartum issues yourself and an additional child who requires a lot of care too. I’m entirely with your DH.

Why do you need to decide this now? Can't you just take it a month at a time?

Newborn car seat recs are 2hrs max a day. 20mins at a time. So I'd definitely not be visiting in the first 4 months.

After that potentially meet up halfway? Somewhere that works really well for older DC to play.

I think its fairly reasonable to expect family to travel, especially if you've been doing it all recently.

Why do you need to plan so far in advance?

Just see how you get on IMO.

Truthfully I wouldn’t be driving to do anything that involved 4-5h in the car with a baby if the other person could come to me.

We didn't do 4 hour car journeys until each baby was nearly 1. Why the need to think far in advance?

Also would the train by easier? I'm from London yet would never consider driving into it!

We're not forward planning - it was just a chat with DH and I was surprised he said wait 6-12m and came here to see what the norm is.

Thanks all for reassuring me that it's ok to expect family to visit for the first year.

They live on the far side of London from us, but not far from the M25, so driving is definitely easier. If we took the train we would also have to take the tube across the breadth of London. I also can't stomach the idea of trying to do a nappy change on a train!

Also we're going to visit the family soon and I want to manage expectations about how often (or not) we'll be visiting. My parents wanted to ramp up our visits in my third trimester. 🙈