Joint presents

[ByOchreEagle]

not sure if I’m making a mountain out of a molehill or not here , but for the first time in 10 years my partners daughter ( grown up with 2 kids ) wants him and his ex wife to share a gift ? It’s not hugely expensive so I don’t see the need , he could easily get it on his own or us as a couple , it’s just been asked as a grandparents gift , no mention of me ? Been together 10 years this one’s new but not being included in other family events is not I’m regularly excluded . Should I say it’s not appropriate ? He seems to think it’s fine ? Not sure if my issue is with him or her really , or why I even care , hope you can put my mind at rest folks

So your partners daughter wants him and his ex to give a gift from Nanny and Grandad?

That sounds odd to me, I wouldn’t like it if I were you but I can’t articulate why.

Does the daughter still hope for reconciliation between her parents? Were you the OW?

Such a strange situation after so much time.

Is it something sentimental?

What is the gift?

I think maybe more context may to required.

The daughter wants a gift for her child jointly from their biological grandparents..is it Some kind of photo book/movie dvd of sentimental family things?

You are regularly excluded from their family events and your dh goes along with this?

no they had split years before we met

I think it depends a little on what it is… but yea, I can generally see why you’re feeling uneasy about this. If it was from all the grandparents and grandparent types, including you, that would be fine, but just from your partner and his ex is a bit weird.
The fact your partner doesn’t have your back or try to ensure you’re included more in the wider family is, I would say, a bigger issue.

A gift to them or a gift from them?

No it’s furniture for her bedroom

Maybe, as it's probably a more expensive present, she thinks it would be better for the cost to be split by both parents?

Seems fair enough. Basically it's expensive so it's the sort of thing that makes a good joint present. Presumably one will just transfer the money to the other.

I thought you were going to say it was jewellery or something equally "sentimental" just from "nanny and grandad " because that's what they are. Furniture I think is a bit of an odd request but I'd probably still let them crack on with it. I don't see the point of "upsetting the apple cart" just for the sake of some bedroom furniture. Unfortunately together they are nanny and grandad...and of course you should be included (what's your relationship like otherwise with step daughter?) But I think for the sake of christmas and relationship, let them buy it.

If you can afford it why you don't buy something from you for the room? If your partner can afford it, can he add to the bedroom furniture ( chest of drawers? Bedside cabinet? Mirror?) As a present from you and him? Maybe that way the message will get across that you'd like to be included/your partner would like you included?

A gift from them jointly to the granddaughter

Yes that’s the plan , thanks for your input 😊

That’s understandable and I can’t see the harm. If it’s something big like a piece of furniture then there’s no harm in the child having it from Granny and grandad. It can be a sentimental thing from grandparents, which just isn’t the same if two new people are included.

He does get annoyed but is not willing to fall out with her over it , I wouldn’t be happy with that happening either
sometimes I do feel as if things are done to provoke a response?

It might not seem expensive to you, but maybe she just feels a bit cheeky asking one parent (+partner) for the furniture. Or maybe her mum can't afford it on her own but would feel the need to match your gifts. It's sad that you are excluded from other things though.

No worries. I'm a step mum and usually the joint gifts from the parents are boring but useful things like laptops etc. Then i get to buy a small fun thing

Good point , I hadn’t thought of that one

Yeah I think that might be it. It's quite a big thing to ask from for one person.

I think it’s confusing for the grandkids who presumably never knew a time when their GPs were married.

The present should be from all the grandparents or just one set.

Totally this , they’ve been split over 20 years now