Name changed as it’s a very sensitive topic for me.
For background, we have DD1 who is almost 3 and DD2 who is 6 months. During my pregnancy I had some medical issues which meant that my DH started spending more time with DD1 as I wasn’t physically able to do many things she needed. She became very attached to him as a result.
Now she is going through the terrible twos big time, probably made worse by the change brought about by the new baby. She won’t listen to me at all, always wants her dad, but often she won’t listen to him either. He said we should ignore her tantrums and try to explain things in a calm tone. He said I shouldn’t comfort her when she’s crying because of something he told her (If she came to me, I would give her a hug while explaining that daddy is right and she has to listen). I agreed.
The problem is that every time she throws a tantrum with me, I ignore and/or explain. However, he will come and interfere (ask her why she’s crying, take over etc.). Even though he eventually says something like ‘you have to listen to mummy’, I feel this completely undermines me in front of her. She already prefers him and he’s not giving me the chance to parent. He wfh so he’s always here. I can’t take her out because she doesn’t want to leave the house without him.
He’s a great dad but also gets stressed with work and says he can’t focus because he needs to look after her. But he won’t give me the chance to look after her myself.
She goes to nursery pt and loves it. I got to the point where I want to send her ft just to get her away from his influence a bit and relieve some of the stress he says he’s under. I’m worried she might feel like we’re abandoning her though and he doesn’t agree anyway.
He also says things that I feel are a dig at me. Like saying he’s the one under pressure and not getting a break (I’m on mat leave) and wondering how mothers who are on their own with their children ft do it 🙄 But maybe I’m over sensitive because of my relationship with DD1.
AINBU and he’s undermining me? What should I do? I feel like I’m not getting the chance to develop a good relationship with my daughter.
Or AIBU and should just be happy they have such a strong bond?