This is going to be a very long one so I apologise…. I am at the end of my tether and don’t know what to do.
Me and DH run our own business from a small office, we back on to a Café and share the toilet and a small kitchen space, we moved in after lockdown, subletting from the office tenant.
Our door opens onto a corridor with the toilet at the end, the small kitchen to the LHS and the café kitchen to the RHS. The café Kitchen has no door, just a door frame. (according to LL it was originally a Store cupboard for our office, which the current café owner has turned into the main Kitchen)
The café owners are a Romanian couple, mid 40s, they were nice enough when we moved in, not overly friendly or keen to get to know us – fine, you do you.
The guy we initially shared the studio with had some issues with the Café owner before we arrived, and she seemed to judge us by this and take an instant dislike to us. We have told her copious times that we didn’t work for this man, and simply share an office space and don'thave anything to do with their previous issues.
We were subletting through him at the time, so the division of the bills was decided between the two of them before we arrived. All was well, we moved in, and we paid the bills as required, on time. The guy we shared with didn’t really come into the office – I’m talking 2-3 times in 2 years!
In June 2023 we saw online that the café was up for sale due to health reasons. I asked the owner about it (kindly) and she replied that the business wasn't up for sale and that I was wrong.
In August 2023 the extractor fan above the hob broke (it backs onto our shared wall). It was vibrating through the walls and was very loud and making us feel a little ill due to the vibrations it was causing – I sound dramatic, but the vibrations were making tiles fall off our walls so it was loud! We immediately notified her and asked her to get it fixed. She refused to accept it was broken, refused to even come into our office to hear the sound, and she accused us of not liking her. She said that we knew they were a café when we moved in & that we should expect noise.
I had no choice but to contact the LL to let him know, and her response was to stop using it entirely as she felt upset that we’d “gone behind her back” to talk to the LL instead of going to her. The problem is that I tried to talk to her various times, but she was very dismissive, defensive and rude, and the conversations were getting us nowhere, just upsetting us. She told us, and the LL that she’d had the extractor fixed, but from Oct – March she didn’t use it. Every time we tried to talk to her about her not using it her reply was “how do you know I am not using it” – even after answering this question she would just repeat it, ignoring our replies. We finally got her to use it again after the office started to stink, get greasy, and she started burning incense in the mornings because of the smell – which she denied. All very ridiculous and dramatic for something so small. She uses it now on the lowest setting only, it makes very little noise, and very little difference to the smells in the air, but she is using it so we're happy. It's only a domestic extractor hood so not amazing.
In May 2024 the guy we were subletting from decided he was leaving, so we had a new lease drawn up for us. We didn't have her bank details so I politely asked for them and I also asked for proof of how the bills were worked out between her and the previous tenant, as my solicitor has asked for evidence of how it was worked out. She got really angry and defensive and said that we were accusing her of stealing from us. I said that wasn't true, we simply needed to see how she's worked out what we pay (as tbh I feel she has been overcharging us up until now) she got super angry and told me to speak to her solicitor. Who I am still now waiting to hear back from.... 6 months later. I have put the money to one side and can transfer it as soon as she tells me her details. Instead she's moping around, playing the victim and telling anyone who'll listen that we've not paid her out of spite. Our LL then informed us that she has sold the business to a nice young couple, who we breifly met, and that they would be leaving in a month or two.
The last conversation I had with her was just awful. She accused us of being out to get her, and said we're trying to ruin her business. She said that if we have a problem then we should speak to her. I replied that i didn't feel comfortable approaching her because of how rude she was to me the last time I spoke to her, and she was disrespectful and immature by rolling her eyes, sarcastic laughing when I answered her questions and basically just being very defensive. Her reply... "nobody has ever called me rude in my whole life, it's you who has a problem with your ego"
She said that she's decided that she's leaving the end cupboard door in her kitchen open so she "doesn't have to look at our faces" when we walk through. She started taking the loo roll out of the toilet when they're not in, the soap out of the kitchen. Fine, we brought our own to use when they're not in.
Bare in mind that I have managed to stay calm in our conversations, repeating facts, apologising for how she's feeling (attacked by us) explaining our intention and basically asking her to be civil. She then told me that I had been intimidating her and causing her stress (FWIW I am 5ft 1, softly spoken wuss who is as intimidating as a fart and have not once raised my voice to her. She on the other hand is 5ft 10, with a very assertive demeanor, and often rasies her voice at me, or swears under her breath at me while generally being disrespectful)
She has now put a camera in the kitchen so she can watch us when they're not it. She says she has many videos of me "staring in her kitchen" and "laughing" as I walk through the door. I haven't given any permission for her to film us, or keep the recordings, and the camera is not for security purposes, just for us.
We found out last week that the buyers have pulled out of the sale, and I am gutted. It made me realise how much her negativity is impacting us.
We have just signed a 5 year lease on the basis she was leaving, and now shes not. It took them 18 months to sell the first time round, and I honestly don't think I can stand another year of this passive aggressive and rude behaviour.
My husband decided last week that enough was enough, and went through to try and smooth things over. He apologised sincerely, and asked if we can just be civil, for all of our sakes. We know she has some health issues so wouldn't it make sense to just be nice. We want to pay our bills and we're happy to contribute towards toilet roll and soap etc... well that conversation went down like a led balloon. She got angry and defensive and denied saying any of the things she'd said to me. Told him it was all my fault, and that she's been nice and that I'm the one with the problem. She's not taking out the toilet roll, it must just be running out every day... she's not doing anything, it's all us and we're out to get her. Her husband just stands there and says nothing in these conversations.
I just don't know what to do anymore, I've never met anyone like her. How can we put an end to this conflict if she is point blank refusing to? I'm fed up with the LL saying "lets all be civil" as his only response .... We are being civil
I know it's a pretty trivial thing, and it's so petty in the grand scheme of things, but I am just feeling fed up and not enjoying the negativity she's bringing to my life.
I get it from her, I get how hard it is being self employed and trying to make your business work, I feel sad that her business is failing. But I also feel like she is blaming these things on us.
Please let me know if you have any advise on how to handle such a sutuation!
Would we be unreasonable to say to our LL that we signed the lease based on her leaving, but now she's not we want to end the lease?
If you've made it this far then congratulations!