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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why is this so hard and how do I deal with it?

5 replies

ceeling · 11/11/2024 02:34

A friend of ours died a couple of weeks ago. 3 weeks ago she was at her dad's funeral and read out a passage that was read out by her mum on Friday at her funeral.

My husband worked with her for 8 years. Just the 2 of them in a team , he hated her work ethic but out of work they were such good friends, because it was such a small team I spent a lot
Of our early married days spent socialising with him and her. The company closed down about 2 years ago and we moved to the opposite end of the country, but we still came over the original city to meet up with her and some other friends from the area we had. We probably saw each other 3 x a yr

We really stayed in touch, mainly the 2 of them but when we met up they made me feel so welcome and the 2 of us girls would catch up like nothing had ever happened and no time had passed.

She was in her 50s and I am in my 30s. I have the same kind of cancer it has hit me like a ton of bricks, like it's going to be me next.

I am angry that a peri / post menopausal woman had to fight for scans and tests to see what was causing the bleeding, she had a hysterectomy and one of the fibroids was actually sarcoma. Now Im a colorectal surgeon who only works with oncology patients. Sarcoma is such an utter bastard and it's rare to be found in the uterus or bowel but when it is it's so so important to do washings of the area and then consider chemo cells removed or not.

She wasn't offered chemo initially . They removed her woman and declared her cancer free. 10 months later she found out via a normal scan it was back, she was to start chemo but by that point it was stage 4 and it did work for 9 months she got the all clear and then she had a routine scan and it was back. Chemo to start on the Wednesday and an acute hospital admission on the Friday revealed no point to chemo and a transfer to the hospice the next day.

She knew I had the same cancer and told me to fight for chemo and fight for an open hysterectomy purely because the man handling on the uterus can (not always) release cancer cells when it's removed as it's not a closed system and sarcoma is a difficult cancer.

Her loss has hit me so hard. She really was the life and soul. She lived such a full a life and she deserved to do more. I feel like a fraud because she died and I am being offered chemo after the op and she wasn't. I saw people at the funeral that I just can't help thinking 'will we actually med up like we say we will or will you see my husband next at my funeral?' I feel guilty and angry, and sad and bereft that I'll never be able to text her again asking to go see Yorkshire v Leeds at the cricket and watch her implode when Lancashire win..

I'm just rambling now

OP posts:
healthybychristmas · 11/11/2024 02:57

I'm so so sorry. I can see how upset you are and it's awful to think of that at this time of night. There are so many complicated issues in this thread and I'm so exhausted I'm afraid I can't focus enough to write a better reply but I wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and I hope you're okay.

💐

MadnessIsMyMiddleName · 11/11/2024 03:05

First of all OP, I am SO sorry for your loss. It's always awful when we lose a friend, and in this instance is bound to make you feel EXTREMELY vulnerable. Obviously there's not much anyone can say that will reassure you right now, but I feel sure your friend would want you to remain as proactive and positive about your treatment as you possibly can, and would encourage you to make the most of EVERY single day. Sending you a massive hug and praying for a positive outcome for you.

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/11/2024 03:20

I am so sorry for what your friend went through and what you are going through. She cared deeply about you, encouraging you to get the best level of care you can. It must be difficult to look at your mortality and possible future. I hope things work out better for you. Flowers

AutumnLeaves24 · 11/11/2024 03:27

I too am very sorry & don't feel I can construct the post you deserve. Losing a friend is so hard anyway, without having cancer yourself. My oldest friend (she was a toddler when I was born, we lived next door & grew up together, 55 years later...) is having tests now for cancer & im worried. I can't imagine my life without her in it.

it wasn't your decision re the differing medical options. You can't feel bad about that.

her poor Mum, what hell she must be going through.

be gentle with yourself xx

PinkLionFind · 16/12/2024 20:36

Sorry to hear about your cancer and good luck with your treatment. It’s not your fault that she wasn’t offered chemo and I’m sure she would be happy they you have this option.

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