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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this guy's behaviour reasonable?

5 replies

ThisSereneHiker · 10/11/2024 22:21

A guy at work was generally helpful and pleasant to everyone, often offering support. He had been especially close with a married woman he seemed to have a crush on—something that was obvious to everyone. After she left the firm, he shifted his attention to me, frequently helping me out. Once, he even asked me to buy him a £15 book in return for his help.

Recently, as I was about to leave, he asked for a company voucher, which I gave him, jokingly adding, "This will help fund your house-buying endeavors," since he’d been talking a lot about buying a house. After that comment, he suddenly stopped speaking to me, and I later found out from his friend that he’d been upset by what I said

I’d also mentioned to him that some senior colleagues didn’t like me and shared that I struggle with depression and anxiety. Knowing he wants to advance in the company, I wonder if all this together has influenced his view of me. Given how upset he seems now, I don’t understand why he won’t just address it with me directly. My mum told me that if he were a real friend, he would have talked to me about it rather than just cutting me off.

OP posts:
username7891 · 10/11/2024 22:25

Colleagues at work aren't your friends so be careful how much you confide in them. Secondly, stop trying to work people out. Be polite and professional and get on with your job.

Noseybookworm · 10/11/2024 22:48

I wouldn't be sharing such personal information with a colleague or talking about senior management not liking me. You were foolish to do this. He sounds like a game player to me, I would keep things professional in the workplace, get on with your work and be polite to him. He's a work colleague not a friend.

ThisSereneHiker · 10/11/2024 22:49

Noseybookworm · 10/11/2024 22:48

I wouldn't be sharing such personal information with a colleague or talking about senior management not liking me. You were foolish to do this. He sounds like a game player to me, I would keep things professional in the workplace, get on with your work and be polite to him. He's a work colleague not a friend.

what is a game player?

OP posts:
Noseybookworm · 10/11/2024 23:11

ThisSereneHiker · 10/11/2024 22:49

what is a game player?

Someone who plays mind games with people and is manipulative - he's helped you at work but then asks you to buy him a book or give him company vouchers. Now he's in possession of personal information about you and could use that to cause trouble for you at work.

ThisSereneHiker · 10/11/2024 23:13

Noseybookworm · 10/11/2024 23:11

Someone who plays mind games with people and is manipulative - he's helped you at work but then asks you to buy him a book or give him company vouchers. Now he's in possession of personal information about you and could use that to cause trouble for you at work.

but he did not... yet

what kind of trouble can he cause... the seniors at work already know i am ill and they already know they don't like me

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