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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Good mum but bad wife?

7 replies

Meesechelt · 10/11/2024 21:37

This is a short snippet of a massive issue so I’ll try to summarise for the point I’m so cross about .. not that I have any right to be cross but I feel it and I don’t know how to deal with it and I don’t want to message people I know.. google isn’t helping either.
I have been married a number of years .. had four children the two youngest are 4 and 2 .. I struggle with depression. My dad died recently and another very close family member died few months before . I had just then given birth … I was at best just going through motions making sure kids were ok so neglected the house and my husband. He then left or in fact I said after he left no you can’t come back so he still says I kicked him out even though he’d packed and “threatened” this time I had just lost patience. Cut to now and i want things to be better and a family unit even if he’s not here so I want him to see whenever but he just turns up he has no fixed address so he ends up
just here each night but I find I’m still so upset by his words and how he loses his temper . But he said tonight to the kids yes she’s a good mum but “@“” wife. I don’t like them being involved in any comments or conversation about our relationship issues let alone when he is just trying to goad me .. but am I being unreasonable is it normal for a couple in any circumstance to talk like that in front of kids? Am i so deluded ? How can I explain to him that me trying to be a good mother doesn’t mean I’m not wanting to try and help things ??

OP posts:
Dutch1e · 10/11/2024 21:42

He's a sponging cocklodger twat.

Let him say whatever he wants about 'good wives' when he has his own home and is raising his children 50/50 in that house.

What on earth are you doing letting him live off your good graces while daring to moan about you to your own children? Please cut this idiot off the teat.

stargazerlil · 10/11/2024 21:50

Don’t waste your energy trying to explain to him. just tell him under no circumstances does say anything like that again, it is disrespectful and rude.

Catza · 10/11/2024 21:53

Why do you keep letting him in? Have some self-respect. He doesn't get to speak about you like that in your own house. Get rid.

Meesechelt · 10/11/2024 21:58

Catza · 10/11/2024 21:53

Why do you keep letting him in? Have some self-respect. He doesn't get to speak about you like that in your own house. Get rid.

I don’t have much choice if I don’t let him in then I’m to blame for him not seeing the kids and I feel worried he will kick off . I have tried to set boundaries I took the key but that was met with a bad response so now he only has one key which at least at night means I can put my own in to stop any visits when asleep etc

OP posts:
Noseybookworm · 10/11/2024 22:24

Of course he shouldn't be saying things like that about you to your children! What a wanker 😡 get on with divorcing him as soon as possible. Resist the urge to retaliate by slagging him off in front of the children - they love both their parents and it's extremely damaging to hear their parents saying nasty things about each other. I would message him and document it - on such and such a date you told the children that I am a shit wife. Please refrain from saying damaging things to our children and behave like adults as we navigate the separation.

Catza · 11/11/2024 07:27

Meesechelt · 10/11/2024 21:58

I don’t have much choice if I don’t let him in then I’m to blame for him not seeing the kids and I feel worried he will kick off . I have tried to set boundaries I took the key but that was met with a bad response so now he only has one key which at least at night means I can put my own in to stop any visits when asleep etc

So you are scared of him? A conversation with women's aid might be in order.

DustyLee123 · 11/11/2024 07:32

Change the locks.
If he wants to see the kids he takes them out.

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