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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To break up before Christmas?

7 replies

Jessierae34 · 10/11/2024 17:28

I know I’m completely a bad person for this.

I’ve been seeing a guy for 6 months he lives in the same building as me so breaking up will be awkward. We struck up a conversation one day realised we’d both got out of long term relationships around the same time. Since then we’ve spent a lot of time together he’s really nice. He’s asked to be in a relationship multiple times. I’ve said no as it’s not even a year since my last relationship ended and I just don’t want to be in a serious relationship or feel stuck again.

I know how hurt he was from his previous relationship and he tells me how up until he met me he felt low and lonely and had no hope in meeting anyone else ever. So this will really affect him.

This last month I’ve realised I don’t see a future with him and I feel we only connected because of our similar situation but he’s already planning Christmas together and a future. I don’t know if it’s just bad timing and maybe he could be ‘the one’ but I don’t want to marry myself off to the first person I meet post break up and it feels this way. Also I feel I’ll be alone forever as I’d feel so awkward if I ever did meet someone else knowing he’ll know as he lives across the hall.

OP posts:
HappyNewYear2027 · 10/11/2024 17:36

Why not be honest with him? Just sit down and tell him your feelings and worries. Isn't that what adults do?

InconsideratelyThoughtful · 10/11/2024 17:45

he tells me how up until he met me he felt low and lonely and had no hope in meeting anyone else ever. So this will really affect him.

Don't let him pressurise you into doing something you're strong enough at the moment to avoid.

SwordToFlamethrower · 10/11/2024 17:52

Why ruin your own Christmas? Just end it and let him move on.

Daleksatemyshed · 10/11/2024 17:53

It's unfair to you Op that he's rather pressured you into this rather than let you make up your own mind. All the remarks about being lonely and they'll be no one else might have been genuine feelings but it's still emotional blackmail to stop you saying No. If you don't want to go on then tell him, you can be kind but don't let him make you back down. And next time don't get involved with someone whose living too close to you, it just makes break ups much more awkward

chattyness · 10/11/2024 18:00

Just tell him kindly but firmly asap and don't give in to emotional blackmail, the longer you leave it the worse it will be. His feelings are not your responsibility, he's an adult so are you, better to be upfront & honest.If he was 'the one' you wouldn't even having these doubts so he's obviously not it for you.

Noseybookworm · 11/11/2024 00:14

If he's asked you to be in a relationship and you've said no, why is he planning Christmas together and a future? Are you maybe giving him mixed messages by spending lots of time with him? If you see him only as a friend you need to make that really clear.

caringcarer · 11/11/2024 03:10

Just tell him you don't feel ready for another relationship yet. Tell him you want to be his friend.

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