Christmas became a family obligation

[Magicunicornpower]

My PIL, me and my husband, my SIL, husband and their son, now 18 yo, together for Christmas since I joined the family, apart from 2 of these years that DH and I, now with a 4yo, spent it with my parents in my home country.
This year we decided to do something we've been talking about for some time, spending Christmas with dear friends that have a DS same age as our DD for Christmas holidays (5days) The main reason to want something different this year is that we are frankly fed up of trying to get the spirits high during the hours we are at PIL till we are all invited to leave as PIL eventually get tired (although they refuse to have us hosting Christmas) SIL also makes the move just after opening the presents. By 6pm we are at home, after 3/4h seated on the sofa watching tv and trying to avoid inevitable boredom from our DD.
To avoid PIL disappointment we planned celebrating our child's birthday, that is a few days before Christmas, with a nice family lunch, presents etc. A bit of a 2 in1 family celebration. We've done the same over the years we celebrated abroad with my parents.
Now MIL is making us feel guilty as she wants to build Christmas memories with our DD and celebrating Christmas a week before Christmas is not the same (fair enough) However, we also want to make memories with our DD and we want her to have fun, and excitement and remember Christmas as something more than opening presents. We argued that PIL will have plenty of time during Christmas holidays to take her out to see Santa, Christmas lights etc... but FIL can't be bothered not even to show up for a playdate with her and MIL says she can't drive far from our area as she gets lost! All this drama for one day in the calendar when there's another 364days of the year that they can show interest in making memories! So the question is AIBU in wanting a Christmas that pleases our family of 3 at least for once!

The year before we spent Christmas at home as family of 4 was the last one we did with all the family!
It has been great spending time eating what we want and chilling out and not worry about anyone else.
We see everyone in the run up to the day but not on it and only when suits everyone (not just other people)
This year we may actually go to SIL's for lunch but we will go late morning and be home in the evening

Please definitely stick with your gut. Some of my best Xmas are ones where my parents chose to spend Xmas with their best friends (my godparents) who also had kids a similar age to us. Whereas Xmas with the older grandparents quite frankly was lots of time in the car, followed by lots of being polite and quiet to suit them. My parents got to have a few drinks with their friends, we were an age where we played safely in the home with our friends the same age and everyone was happy!

Oh my, you are a saint. I would have stopped that tradition years ago.

What about your parents, OP?

My parents are cool with anything I decide as long as I travel overseas to see them at some point, when it suits our family. We are together at least twice a year for a summer and a winter break. We spent all August together this year

Apologies - missed that.

That’s fair enough then - enjoy your holiday! Tell DH that you’re having a change this year and they’ll be fine.

I detest pretty much everything associated with the word 'tradition'. This sort of thing is precisely why.

Too often, it means something more along the lines of 'unwritten diktat'.

Stick to your guns and keep to your original plans with the DC. DH's choices are that he comes with you or goes to his parents alone. Break the precedent now.

I feel sorry for the 18-year-old in this situation, they’re probably bored witless.

I hate the manipulation some parents put on their children. Honestly it makes me want to go the other way. In your shoes I would say no more Christmas ever with them if they carry this on!

We used to alternate with the inlaws every year until one year eldest SIL said they were having xmas as a nuclear family from then on. Now PILs are alone every year for xmas and we have the family do between xmas and new year.
Bottom line is do what is best for your family. You don’t get many magical Christmas’ when they are young. Don’t waste them all with inlaws who can’t be arsed to make any effort. If they were bothered about ‘making memories’ they’d jump on the Santa trips, the lights displays, pantos and all the other things that come at xmas. They can’t be arsed with any of that so they don’t get to dictate xmas day

We did my son's first and second Xmases with each set of grandparents and then decided to keep it just us at home, and I love it. The grandparents had their turn with their own families. My MIL likes to lay on the guilt but she's had 30+ years of her kids at her house for Xmas. It's my turn now.

I have two children and five grandchildren all under the age of 6 and living locally. At the moment I am alternating between them at their request but I have also told them that I am really happy with Dad and I having a quiet one and seeing them on the many days off over the Christmas period. What I don't want is for them to be feeling 'oh its our turn this year with mum and dad'. We are quite happy to have a quiet Christmas day and don't want them to feel any guilt about it whatsoever. I had many years doing Xmas with the same relatives and it can get boring, best to change it up some years. Its one day!! dont be made to feel guilty about it

How many years have you done Christmas Day like this? Can't see how it's selfish to have one year of difference. More the reverse. My MIL has had many Christmases with one of her children and grandchildren on the other side of the world - yours should realise how lucky they are.