about how a dd is treated.

[spongecake]

i saw a mum from pg, who i hardly see tbh, so not sure if this is everyday behaviour, but she left her dd 1.5 years on the kitchen top and left the room to collect stuff without a word- it was a high drop and stone floor. i was a room distance away with my baby in my arms. she also heated up the baby's food in the microwave and just fed it straight away, the child spitting it out and crying- mum just shouted at her, and complained she never ate.

maybe i just caught her at a bad moment and am just being paranoid and over protective? am very hormonal atm. should i have said anything? or just mind my own bisiness? i feel i should have but would have seemed interfering and might have caused a row. she is very sensitive to advice -doesn;t mind handing it out though...

Hmmm I would have been concerned too, I don't think you were being over-protective. Maybe she was stressed and forgot to temp check the food (I did that the other day when I was in a rush one morning ) but the worktop thing is a bit concerning - can't understand how she would think that was safe.

I have Zero people skills so probably would have done wrong thing but I would have made sure I was as close as poss to stop any falling that might have occurred at the time. No idea what would have been the right thing to say though.

There are alot of different types of parents out there. It's unfortunate that there is no compulsory training before they take their child home from the hospital. I don't think you are being over protective. The baby could have burnt her mouth on the food and the child could have fallen. If it were you would you want someone to tell you? Would it make you feel like a bad mother if they did? Sometimes we have to leave people to make their own mistakes. They can be hard to stand back and watch. It can be so hard knowing what to do, you know her, if she's sensitive then you have to find another way of telling her if that's what you want to do. Maybe offer to feed her baby next time and just say 'I always test the food first to make sure it's not too hot. Is that Ok with you?

Difficult one. I was overprotective of my LO at the time but think I would have relaxed if I'd had a second child.

I wouldnt interfere TBH just take pride in the fact that you are more diligent with your own children.

I was in a cafe today and there was a lovely little toddler around 18 months with her parents. She was so well behaved but I noticed that she toddled off and found a plaything, the blind rope. It was fun for her to put it round her neck. I would have freaked if it was my LO but her parents didnt even notice and she was fine.

2 kids die every year from doing that with the cord from a blind. That's shocking.

Can you just ask her if she's OK generally? Maybe it was a cry for help?

The worktop does sound very concerning, my dd would definitely throw herself off in a flash. She might not know about the hotspot thing with microwave. Have got a friend who let her son run down very busy streets (London) by himself from a very early age, so far ahead that she wouldn't have a chance to catch him if he decided to leg it or forgot to stop at the kerb. I casually mention he's really far ahead and she says oh he always stops at the kerb. Just makes me really tense. I used to make a point by shouting my ds back and saying 'no, it's a really busy road, you have to hold my hand' loudly so she could hear me. Didn't make a scrap of difference, she still let him. You can't really do much about it. Even now I usually end up being the one dragging him out of situations. Went to a funfair once, his mum was talking to someone she knew there and as usual not watching him, had to rescue him, he'd got on a really inappropriate ride by himself and it was about to go.

The worktop thing, no YANBU.
The microwave-she could have put it on a low power setting which she knew well and the food may not have been that hot.

I was watching said child like a hawk with the blind cord.

My LO had her hand held constantly and I sometimes wonder if I was overprotective.

I hope your friends is OK but her DC's are her responsibility.

Someone I know had her baby on the worktop in one of those vibrating baby chairs and the thing jiggled along and down they came while she was chatting with her dh! She also feeds her new baby stuff microwave steaming hot. New baby staggers (more than once) into the street/road while mum not watching. I'm always horrified when I go round there but then I'm very watchful of my ds and possibly over protective.

How do you interfere though? I did intercept obviously when I noticed her 12month old crawling into the high street from the coffee shop. I think its nuts but parents are quite different and her kids are survivors clearly.

I don't know when to interfere either and say something, but know I am more watchful of her kids when I am with her than she is!

about eve,i know its not my responsibility, but it just made me nervous and i felt so sorry for her dd- she was very tearful when i was there, but had been left to sleep in the car for 2 hours, so perhaps it was that. i could have said something but i know her dd has fallen off the bed loads of times when younger about 8 monhs- her mum said at the time she will have to learn. she also has said in the past that she hates people interfering all the time.

Hi spongecake, are you out there? i remember reading your original post and feeling very concerned about her feeding and possibly burning her baby with microwave hot food, your post has stayed in my mind for ages so i thought i'd find it tonight and see if you had an update.

To be honest, i think i'd have to say something to her about the temp of the food, even if as gently and tactfully as you can " baby's skin is so much thinner that ours", or "i only read recently about how food keeps cooking when out of the microwave and you need to stir and leave it for x time, did you know?" etc. She could be causing serious damage to her child's mouth, throat, oesphagus tract etc. Not to mention giving the child psychological eating issues!!

She says she hates people interfering, but there is a child to protect here. If you can be brave and speak up, a little person could be saved a lot of pain and harm. I'm sending you brave vibes now!! Let me know how things have gone...

bump looking for spongecake...

With regards to the worktop, it depends on how used the child is. My DD2 is same age (18 months) and now sits in an ordinary chair. Refuses to use a high chair and knows how to get down safely (or to say 'down' if she can't). That said, I probably wouldn't put her on a worktop, but then she's not used to it! I do leave her on a chair, because I know she will either get down safely or ask if she can't. Only the mum knows the child and how responsible they are! (Wouldn't do it myself mind, but does that reflect on me or me and my child iyswim!). Wouldn't give food straight from the mircrowave though!

Oh no, I would have to have said something and would have possibly wrestled the feeding spoon out her hand to stir the food before stomping out the house probably!
It is VERY hard to know what to do, and my response would probably be as wrong as any other in your 'friends' eyes.
As for the worktop, that is just tempting fate!

My 2 year old sat on the worktop with me stood by him for 20 minutes with no problems. I turned away to sneeze and he fell off. Mad dash to A&E, head x-ray as suspected fractured skull. Won't let anyone sit on there now.