Dp & I are getting married next year. This has also coincided with a bit of a mid life crisis for me career wise.
I was self employed, had a couple of clients, paid ok nothing to shout about, then a contract ended and got stung financially by the other client. Since then I have struggled to replace the clients, it's maybe been a few months, 2-3.
I think I have struggled as I have been feeling really down about everything, the pressure dp puts on me to bring money in, constant comments about money and how in-the-shit we are.
For reference, we are not, his income covers everything, all bills, a decent spending limit each plus a bit towards wedding payments, granted not all of it.
Plus me feeling like I don't have a "proper" career that I enjoy. So i have mentioned retraining in something I've always wanted to do, it's not costing anything and I can do it in spare time, plus I have an interview for an employed role, just to start bringing some money in asap, but it just feels not good enough for him.
It's like he really resents me if I don't bring in enough money.
Every single time I bring up that something needs paying for wedding wise, he sucks the life out of it by moaning or questioning it, and i have to essentially ask about 3 times before it gets paid.
I hate feeling like he holds all the cards financially but i am equally so emotionally drained by him to even put up much of a fight for myself in terms of rectifying this situation.
It's really pushing me away, making me doubt our future together, he is so unsupportive.
But.... aibu. Do i just need to suck it up and accept that things need to get paid regardless of how i feel? Which of course i know they do, i have never been out of work for long, max 3 months and even that is rare, i always make sure things are covered.
Just at the minute where I really feel lost.... is it too much to ask for some support