i (36f) have been friends with Angela for over 30 years, and it’s been a bit rocky here and there over the years. I get dropped every time a new man is on the scene but I’m always there to pick the pieces up when it goes wrong and I’ve never really had an issue with that and we would always just pick up where we left off.
A few years ago Angela’s sister was diagnosed with cancer and she didn’t take it well and turned to drink and drugs badly, her current bf took the brunt of it and the relationship has been on and off ever since and I have been there through it all trying to be supportive. Angela has made some new friends who she drinks with so to me they are drinking buddies and not true friends even though she plasters drunk pics of her and her besties constantly, not once have they been to hers for a cuppa, they always meet at the pub (daily) which I think if they were true friends and cared about her they would not be encouraging the drinking as she clearly has a drink problem and they are encouraging the toxic relationship with the on and off cheating bf.
We would see each other every couple of weeks and I’d regularly message to ask how she was and how her sister was and be there anytime if needed, I would rarely get asked how I was but it didn’t bother me as she had a lot on her mind. Her sister passed earlier this year and it was devastating but In the weeks prior I was there for her and her family as I’ve known them most of my life.
Angela was at the pub when she got the call to come and say goodbye to her sister and her friend went with her, this friend has never met any of the family before and rocks up as her sister is taking her last breath. At the funeral she arrived with friend in tow but this friend looked very awkward and out of place and didn’t even come in the church and didn’t come to the wake, it was all very odd and several family members questioned me about who this friend was and were clearly unhappy with the situation.
A month or so later it was Angela’s birthday and I asked if she had plans which she said going to the pub, i don’t really drink but as it was her birthday I asked to come along and have a drink with her and she agreed but didn’t seem keen, I told her I wouldn’t stop long but would love to see her on her birthday but I new she would make an excuse of why I couldn’t come and that’s exactly what happened. She messaged to say her friends were doing something special for her so could we have a drink another day when in actual fact she was just going to the local pub the same as every other night. I know her friends and I have no issue with spending an hour with them and thought they liked me so I’m not sure if it was Angela or her friends that didn’t want me there. Don’t lie and make out they are taking you out and that’s the reason I can’t go just be honest and tell me the truth or better still don’t say yes when I asked to come along. I always speak the truth even if she doesn’t want to hear it whether it’s about the bf, alcohol anything and she always thanks me for being honest so shouldn’t she give me the same courtesy. She has no care for her teenage kids who are just left to their own devices, her parents, me or anyone else tbh.
she’s been coping quite well since her sister passed, if I’m honest I think she felt a relief that she was no longer in pain and Angela struggled a lot with the knowing it was coming and the drink/drugs were her way of dealing with it and the times we have spoke since she has seemed ok and said she was doing well, she had counselling and said she was focusing on work and kids etc, stopping drinking and feeling good.
It’s now been weeks and I’ve not heard a peep from her, I see on social media she is still out drinking etc. and hear through others she’s still arguing with the bf. I know I’m not a lot of fun anymore due to being unwell myself but I try my best to be a good friend and I have my own struggles daily, I have been seeing surgeons, hospital stays, new meds etc to try and get myself sorted and I can’t even remember the last time she asked how I was. AIBU that I expect her to ask how I am once in a while or should I still be giving her the benefit of the doubt due to her sister and give in and message her. Just feels like I’m chasing a friendship she doesn’t want anymore, wouldn’t she have messaged if she missed me?
my other close friends say I’m a mug and she’s taking the piss out of me and has done for a long time and I make excuses for her behaviour.