AIBU to think that we should have been told about the wedding?

[2010Aussie]

A relative recently got married. Let's call her Sue. Apart from her immediate family, no other relations were invited. I didn't expect to be there and it's perfectly understandable to keep the number of guests down for reasons of cost.
But none of the rest of the family even knew that she was getting married, yet Sue had told mutual friends all about the wedding. We found out by accident when another relative met up with an acquaintance who asked her if she was looking forward to the wedding. I work with someone who Sue has known for a long time and she knows that this lady is a colleague. A few days after the wedding, I was asked how the big day had gone. Poor lady was absolutely mortified when I said that I hadn't been invited; nor had the rest of the family. Moreover we had only found out that it was happening by accident. It was so embarrassing!

It's a little bit strange if it's a close relly. Is it a close relly?

Congrats to Sue.

I’m assuming she hasn’t invited all family for a reason and didn’t want them to know also for a reason. Either seek to form a meaningful relationship with her or accept she has chosen not to have you and your family in her life.

How often do you see or contact Sue? It’s a bit odd if you see her most weeks, less so if you only exchange birthday and Christmas cards and would never phone for a casual chat.

I mean, my brother got married without telling any of us until 6 months after the fact. Him and his wife had visited us and our parents several times during that time and apparently never thought to mention it. They'd got married abroad and said they just didn't want the fuss. I did feel a bit hurt that they felt they couldn't tell anyone but they seem happy enough and we've all got past it now.

We live in quite a small community, so it was very hurtful for Sue to tell other people all about the wedding when it was clear that the rest of the family would find out from mutual friends. My colleague was terribly embarrassed about it.

Has she actively hidden the wedding from you? Or do you just not talk very often and so it's not come up?

Was it a Registrar Office service?
I did that. In my mind it wasn't a "wedding" but just making something legal.
Original plan was just the two witnesses but circumstances changed slightly so we had parents, siblings, nieces and nephews (16 people in total).
Was it something like that?

How recently was the wedding? I’m just over here hoping I’m not “Sue” 😂😂

I got married this year and only invited parents and 1 sibling 🤷🏻‍♀️ Extended family live very locally but to be honest, unless I bump into them in town and have a quick chat etc, we’re not in each others lives. We don’t keep in regular contact. I didn’t even think to tell them about my wedding tbh. I did tell friends (who also weren’t invited) as I speak with them regularly 🤷🏻‍♀️ It would have been weirder to contact them out of the blue to say “I’m getting married and you’re not invited” 😂

My other relative sees Sue most weeks and she knew nothing about it until a mutual acquaintance mentioned it. Sue and I have known each other since childhood and I see a fair amount of her and her immediate family - not every week but quite regularly.

No, it was in a country hotel

We're lots at it, or was it just a few people?. If just a small thing, I can see why you weren't told.

We are in contact on a reasonably regular basis. Sue would have had plenty of opportunity to mention it. It's just hurtful that mutual friends (who also weren't invited) knew all about it and none of the rest of the family did. It's caused quite a bit of embarrassment.

They sent you a message loud and clear. You're not in their inner circle. Regardless of being family, you're not in their circle.

Well, I had an interesting situation. My niece was the main bridesmaid to our wedding over 20 years ago. she was in the centre of all the pictures, and they are dotted all over MIL's living room. fast forward to her wedding as an adult: said that they were on a budget (which I don't really believe as they had their reception at a famous sportsman's hotel outside of London). I wasn't upset for myself as one married into the family, but I did think it was a bit spiteful not to include my husband as the rest of his family (brother and elderly parents were in each shot!). And then they dotted these pictures all over MIL's living room to rub it in.