AIBU to move with my young child

[Littlechick05]

Hi all just looking for sone opinions really.

my good friend has offered me a job and it will come with a big pay increase to what I’m currently earning, roughly around £750 to begin with and there’s room for progression too. There isn’t a time limit on this offer, it’s there if I want it.

it would involve moving. Roughly about an hour away from where I am currently.

i have a young child (5) who sees his dad regularly. His dad works shifts so he will pick up from school one day during the week and have him overnight one weekend night every other weekend.

my partner has a trade and would also be able to earn better money if we went for the move.

If I’m being totally honest, I really want to go for this. But of course it’s not just myself I have to consider here. I’m wracked with guilt at wanting to do this because I know my ex would be heart broken if I moved away with our little boy. It would involve a lot of travelling every other weekend for the one night as he won’t be able to do the school pick ups.

, my ex is difficult to speak to majority of the time. It’s usually either his way or no way and I know this will be an extremely difficult conversation to have. I wouldn’t ever move just to be spiteful. I have always and will always support their relationship.

ive spoke to a few people in real life and they’ve said I should go for the opportunity. But I can’t help but feel so guilty.

please be kind in your responses

If you can both meet halfway that's not a lot of travelling on weekends

Sorry I should have mentioned in my op, my ex doesn’t drive.

We used to swop over at the nearest service station to half way between us. It was extra driving but it kept the peace.

if You were to move, your child would miss out on their relationship with their dad. At such a young age, relationships are built and maintained on physical affection and play. How would you like if your son lived with his dad , was in a good routine with you and he decided to move miles away from you with his partner? Some things are worth sacrificing for. This relationship between father and son is too precious to lose. And btw, as well as seeing their dad less if you did move, your child would be stuck in the midst of real resentment from his father towards you which I wouldn’t blame him for.

I would just tell your ex you are moving.

It's only an hour away, he barely sees his child as it is. You do all the heavy lifting including providing a home for your child and moving for a new role and increased earnings means you can continue to do that.

Your ex sounds like a selfish person. Who has their own child one weekend night a fortnight and once during the week.

I wouldn't ever consider an hour "moving away"

As a parent he should learn to drive. My dad moved away (we live with my mum) when I was 10 and its was 4 hours, he used to drive up to get us every single weekend and drive us back. Granted it was him moving away, but thats what happens in life, you can't put your life on hold for the sake of an hour. If the relationship crumbles because of an hours drive then how heartbroken would he be?

Yes you can meet part way at a train station or something.

An hour isn't far.

Your ex could change things to have him longer EOW and have extra time in the school holidays and use his annual leave to spend time with his son. Plus his non-working says in the school holidays etc.

Your ex only sees his child for one afternoon a week and one overnight, EOW.

If he took your DC on a fortnight's holiday in the summer holidays, he'd spend more time with him during that than in several months of his current contact levels.

If you were raising the child 50/50 it would be different, but in your situation moving seems to be the best option.

Your ex needs to learn to drive and to spend more time with his child.

I am normally of the opinion that if you have shared custody then one person shouldn't move. However he doesn't have the child much and it's only an hour.

I would probably feel guilty too so would offer to pick up/drop off child to him.

I would move, an hour isn't far. It takes an hour to get across some cities eg London and Manchester.

Could ex have DC two nights EOW to make up for not seeing him in the week?

If your ex has a trade surely driving would be of benefit to him, is there any reason he doesn't drive?
It's something he can work towards anyway.

He doesn't see his child much as it is, I would say if he was often doing pick ups and had him for chunks of time then it would be a harder decision, but for one evening a week and one weekend night once a fortnight? Don't base your decision around that.

An hour away really isn’t that far and certainly not unreasonable given that it sounds like a great opportunity for your family. Your child could spend 2 nights with their dad every other weekend instead of 1. The issue is your ex not driving but that’s his problem to solve.

Would your ex be able to get there by public transport to pick up from school? Or a taxi?

Either way, you should factor in footing the bill for this extra expense out of your increased salary from moving. Would it still be worth it?

An hour may not be far away but it is when your ex doesn't drive.