Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New guy I am dating seems jealous of my male friends

48 replies

SharpOliveViewer · 09/11/2024 18:04

  • I have recently been dating someone for the past month and a half months. He keeps telling me just wants to be friends but then starts acting insanely jealous accusing me of speaking to multiple men hence this being the reason why he just wants to be friends.
  • Last night I was my male friend he started to ignore my messages because of this. My friend is gay next minute I’m getting about ten separate messages calling me a slag, I’m just the same as everyone else. To go and f myself, he’s been calling me a gremlin and to look at the state of my self. I have tried to explain that my friend is gay and it is nothing like that. But now he is point blank ignoring me.
  • i have now blocked him as I don’t want to speak to if I’m being insulted. I’m unsure what to do. I think he’s drunk tbh
OP posts:
DamselinDistress24 · 10/11/2024 08:05

Someone who is unable to accept you having male friends/acquaintances - particularly gay ones - and is kicking off in such an extreme way about it, who is showing so clearly that he is intensely jealous, possessive and trying to be controlling ....so early too. And to top of off is verbally abusive and really nasty.
And his "you're just like everyone else" comment shows he's got this problem with everyone. And sees other people as the problem, not himself......

Is never ever going to be a decent partner. Never.

He will never change
People like this never do, and they are usually slower to show this and better at hiding it; so he's an extreme example.

This is also the sort of person who could possibly get violent.

Keep him blocked, unfortunately the new "relationship" is a non starter.
There are other men.

This one is a dud. He's a mess. He's not right in the head and I guarantee he won't change.

You need to run.
All you're going to get out of any further contact with him is abuse and stress.

Compash · 10/11/2024 08:07

'Calling me a slag'?! Sweet Jesus, he'd expect you to keep seeing him after that?!

TwinklyAmberOrca · 10/11/2024 08:07

The guy has extreme jealousy issues and he needs to spend time sorting himself out and is clearly not in a position to have a relationship.

Leave him blocked and don't waste your time with him.

DamselinDistress24 · 10/11/2024 08:08

People like him haven't developed mentally and emotionally.

If they haven't done so by adulthood, they're not going to.

I'd also suggest to you that he probably has a history of extreme behaviour like this and possibly has a record for DV (or at the very least harassment etc).

Suzuki76 · 10/11/2024 08:11

In 20 years my husband has never called me a slag. Obviously. Or I wouldn't be married to him still!

CountryMumof4 · 10/11/2024 08:19

He sounds almost eerily like a guy my friends and I have managed to rescue a guy from - although he only started on that kind of thing after a few months of love bombing so she was in pretty deep. He's shown you who he is - and he'll only get worse. Keep him blocked and find someone who respects you - this guy is not for you (or anyone, by the sound of it).

Cappuccinowithonesugarplease · 10/11/2024 08:24

Wow. He got the bunting out early didn't he! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

OliviaRodrighost · 10/11/2024 08:26

Come on, OP. He’s a raging arsehole.

Crushed23 · 10/11/2024 08:31

Straight in the bin with that behaviour.

Don't unblock him.

Olive567 · 10/11/2024 09:55

Yes, YABU to even consider going forward with a relationship with a man who is subjecting you to such abuse

HeddaGarbled · 10/11/2024 10:01

about ten separate messages calling me a slag, I’m just the same as everyone else. To go and f myself, he’s been calling me a gremlin and to look at the state of my self

That’s really nasty stuff. He’s horrible. Being drunk is no excuse for that level of aggression.

Lurkingandlearning · 10/11/2024 11:43

You’ve done all you needed to do by blocking him.

Never tolerate anyone calling you names and insulting you.

Never spend time with anyone who loses control of themselves when they drink.

Never allow anyone to dictate who you can be friends with.

jeaux90 · 10/11/2024 11:50

Good he showed you who he is this early on. Good you blocked him. Keep it that way.

Thevelvelletes · 10/11/2024 12:20

Be grateful it's 6weeks in and not 6 years..get shot of this nut job.

Zilla1 · 14/11/2024 15:58

Learn by reviewing his behaviour with you before this and think whether your instincts about jealous and controlling behaviour gave or should have given you concern earlier.

If they were then try to listen harder in future as you should have no doubt his behaviour is out of order.

Zilla1 · 14/11/2024 15:59

If only there were a reliable Trip Advisor or Trust Pilot for dodgy people.

Swiftie1878 · 14/11/2024 16:24

He sounds horrible.
Stop justifying yourself. Keep him blocked, and have nothing more to do with him.

Devon23 · 14/11/2024 16:24

Wowser what a great relationship that would be, fear, dominance and control. Keep him blocked - put him mentally in the psych jar, shut that lid and never unscrew it. Thats one trauma you managed to swerve keep it that way.

hailu · 14/11/2024 16:31

Last night I was my male friend he started to ignore my messages because of this. My friend is gay next minute I’m getting about ten separate messages calling me a slag, I’m just the same as everyone else. To go and f myself, he’s been calling me a gremlin and to look at the state of my self. I have tried to explain that my friend is gay and it is nothing like that. But now he is point blank ignoring me

Why on earth would you have tried to explain anything about your friend being gay after this hideous man told you to fuck yourself, called you a gremlin and look at the state of yourself?
I know you've blocked him now but he should have been blocked immediately when he said those things.

i have now blocked him as I don’t want to speak to if I’m being insulted. I’m unsure what to do. I think he’s drunk tbh

Why are you unsure what to do? This piece of shit has been blocked. He's out of your life. The End.

And please don't use "I think he's drunk" as some sort of get out for him. Oh well, he was drunk, but when he's not drunk he's nice so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.
I was in a relationship with someone who drank and started saying awful stuff and I always excused him for drunken behaviour but actually he was just a shit, even when he wasn't drunk and I should have ditched him long before I actually did. Took me a very long time to recover from that relationship.

Bin.

Tbanksy · 14/11/2024 17:55

Catza · 09/11/2024 18:06

It's very considerate of him to wave his big red flag so early in the relationship. What's your AIBU?

This!!! 100%
Best comment I've seen today

Emmz1510 · 14/11/2024 18:16

Have some pride woman! Run and never look back. Quite why you are trying to explain yourself to this moron is beyond me.

PacificAtlantic · 14/11/2024 19:15

You don’t need to do anything else, stay well away from someone like that, far away, full digital block permanently.

Tortielady · 14/11/2024 20:07

Good heavens. This fellow has enough red flags to leave Gilead short. Six weeks in and he's already prone to drunken abuse, jealousy and spiteful name calling. My husband hasn't behaved like that in forty years - not a single, solitary once. You've done the right thing by blocking him; make sure he's blocked on all your social media and that you have at least a couple of trusted friends/family members in the loop.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread