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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 3 years old is to young to take dance exams or any test for that matter?

29 replies

frecklyspeckly · 26/04/2008 21:32

I decided to let my dd (3) go to dance class.
my friend has her daughter there, and I agreed. I was told that it was purely for fun and exercise. Well, apparently not so. discovered that they are put in for public dance demonstrations and dance exams in a few weeks. To be honest she is so young she hardly listens to the teacher as she is still, well, a toddler but it seems they are cross as she gets distracted so easily. Could hear them constantly telling her off as I was waiting in the changing room (we are not allowed into lesson
)I had a chat with teacher. She has said dd can take the exams at a later date but will be expected to 'improve her standard significantly' by then.It was obvious my dd is a bit of an annoyance today to them as she keeps talking when she shouldnt and facing wall when she goes into a dream. I feel like a freak for being the only parent who thinks it should be something fun and not taken so seriously. And I have bought the uniform now which I saved up for for weeks.To make things worse my mate has started to laugh whenever they start calling my daughters name - which apart from being embarassing is also very irritating as it stops me being able to hear what they are saying to her. None of the other little girls names seem to be called out like hers.
They have all seemed to take to it fine. She has only been going for 7 weeks, I am very premenstrual - which is not helping. to me she is little more than a baby - feel like something which was supposed to be nice has turned horrible. I am contemplating removing her until she is at least 5 what should i do?

OP posts:
popsycal · 26/04/2008 21:35

It is fairly standard to do exams tbh. I did my first one aged 2

But if you are not happy, then another dancing school may be more appropriate. You may find that if this school does competition work, things may be taken more seriously than you are looking for.

ranting · 26/04/2008 21:36

Take her out and find a better dance teacher. Seriously, no dance teacher should belittle her pupils that way.
At dd's dance school her teacher will not put them in for gradings until they are at least 7, as she doesn't expect them to have the commitment required until at least that age.

lilyloo · 26/04/2008 21:37

my dd 3 goes dancing. Same saet up as you. We can watch through a small window and lot's of the girls aren't concentrating but it's not an issue they are just having fun. My dd has been going since last Sept and they had exams in Nov i didn't enter dd but she is going to do it (fingers crossed) tom as she would like a 'certificate'. For me if she does that's fine if not never mind.
If i were you i would speak to dd and see what she thinks, is she happy, enjoying it ? If not you could find another class ?
Our class doesn't mind if you do exams or not.

lisad123 · 26/04/2008 21:38

why not ask dd of she enjoys it? If she does the tellings off arent really causing her too much trouble. I wouldnt worry about it too much. Ask for her not to take exam if you dont want her too. 3 is young, my DD started when she was 4 and shes doing well.

dizzydixies · 26/04/2008 21:40

I refused to put dd to one of the local classes as its very regimented - hair done in a specific way, certain dress codes, drop them off not mothers allowed in to observe and if late refused entry to class

all a bit much for a 3yr old imo

happened across a class where they get taught but in a more relaxed manner, the dance teacher has mentioned that she is so impressed with them that she might think about doing some exams at some point - there are only 6 in dd's class, preschool age and they love their class and adore their teacher

there has to be something similar near to you?!?!

lisad123 · 26/04/2008 21:43

I was careful about what class I choose for DD1. I asked around, and there was one that was very strict, and so didnt go there but choose a different one that seemed more relaxed.

fondant4000 · 26/04/2008 21:49

My dd's dance school do not enter children for exams until they are 5 years old. 3 is far too young IMO.

Public performance - up to the child and the kind of thing they are doing. Being part of a group is not so stressful and same as doing a nursery nativity or similar. Would not be happy about solo performance at that age tho'

Original poster
frecklyspeckly · 26/04/2008 21:50

She said she likes the dancing but she also said 'the dance lady says I must not talk'. I suppose we should just go for the fun of it - it doesnt seem to bother her - just me- and I could always opt out of the exams until she wants to do it. I dont think there is anything else in our town - but may be able to travel further afield. Thank you everyone!!

ps the hair thing annoys me - poor little scrap only has a few fine tufts in a short bob - but oh no.. no fringe is allowed, and somehow it should be put in a bun.

OP posts:
dizzydixies · 26/04/2008 21:51

seriously, no fringe

who ARE these people?!?!? loonies the lot of them

PotPourri · 26/04/2008 21:53

I am totally shocked. Take her out straight away! How dare they tell her off and get all schooly about her doing exams later if she pulls her socks up.... FFS, she is only a baby! Seriously, get her away from there, she does not need some nasty dance teacher putting her down, she needs fun and play - that's what 3 year olds do. Unless of course you are one of these celebrity parents who push push push til their child believes that the only way to be happy is to be the best dancer in the world etc etc.

Your OP makes me feel very sad.

lilyloo · 26/04/2008 22:06

i know they do have a rule for exams for hairs and outfits but our class is fairly relaxed with the little ones. DD does have to wear her hair a certain way for exam and have the outfit.

vInTaGeVioLeT · 26/04/2008 22:29

when i was a very little girl , i went to ballet classes - i was a dreamer and a clumsy type of kid i had no co-ordination[no change there] - my ballet teacher was very strict and was constantly "on" at me - i assumed this was normal and that my Mum must've know this was what would happen (her being a grown-up and all) so i never complained.
It wasn't intil my older friend told my Mum that the teacher had been smacking me that my Mum had the slightest clue anything was wrong

on the bright side it hasn't left me emotionally scarred but i hate dancing!

RosaLuxembourg · 26/04/2008 22:32

What exam board is it? My DDs do Imperial and they are not allowed to do an exam until after their fifth birthday. It sounds awful tbh, maybe you should consider waiting for a year and restarting when she is more ready.

peacelily · 26/04/2008 22:45

An aside, I was thinking about dance lessons today for dd (not for another year or so). How do you find out about local classes for littlies?

I just know it's hellish round here to get into anything there's so much competition so I want to be prepared!

lilyloo · 26/04/2008 22:51

i just googled local dance classes don't think they turn people away, do they ?

islandofsodor · 26/04/2008 23:02

My dd did a pre-syllabus exam at 5 but some of her classmates were 4. However it was a very nie experience with positive comments on a little certificate. Most exam boards specify a minimum age of 5 for their proper exams.

The dance school sounds very, very pushy. Unfortunately it is what a lot of parents seem to want but there are schools out there who are more concerned about the welfare of the children and developing their love of dance rather than exam results and flashy shows.

Saying that my dd performed in her first public show at age 4 and loved it but it was optional to take part.

wolveschick · 26/04/2008 23:06

Is this ballet? DD1 does ballroom and is so relaxed and fun and seems very different from the tales I hear about ballet.(to be fair I am sure that this depends on the school itself) £2.50 an hour and you dont pay if you miss, no uniform or even special shoes needed. Cant wait for DD2 to start. They said they will take her at 2.5 but she cant take any exams until 3. I just laughed at this-the thought of being child free for an hour whilst I sit and read the paper will be a fiver well spent!

I agree with the poster tho about worrying about how DD is getting on-I made a hard decision this week to stop swimming lessons for DD1 for a while-she hates it, is not progressing much, causes a lot of stress each week but tried to balance this against the fact it is very important that a child learns to swim. Am only taking a break until she is a bit older but the look of sheer relief on her face was wonderful-and she is only 5. I think I felt I needed to do it now because all of my friends were at the swimming school but very child is different.

LaComtesse · 26/04/2008 23:11

My dd wasn't allowed to start ballroom until she was 5 and she took an exam 3 mo later! I took her out after a year though as the teacher (who also taught me in the adult classes) started to moot her being paired with a boy to do competitions. I put her into a stage school instead and she has done 2 shows but is yet to sit (or dance!) an exam. She'll take tap first as it's easier than ballet apparently.

Frizbe · 26/04/2008 23:12

dd1 here (age 4 now) goes to a lovely ballet class at a local school, no major competition or pressure, they can even choose to be in the yearly show or not (teacher amalgamates all her classes across the area into one big show) There is another ballet school close by who are of the serious and examining varity, but dd1 will not be going there unless she decides she wants to, as that's when things get serious and the fun is taken out of it all.

LaComtesse · 26/04/2008 23:14

Btw I only chose this particular school for her as a) it's walking distance of my house b) some of her friends from school went! In case people think I'm a pushy parent.

IMHO ballet/tap in stage schools aren't taught as rigorously as those in straight dance schools so it depends on your own preference what they do .

Elkat · 27/04/2008 21:19

I'd change dance schools. My daughter went to a strict school like you mention. She lasted one lesson. I took her out and put her into a much more relaxed school. She mostly prances around pretending to be a fairy and so son, but she loves it and that's all that counts! At her dance school, they don't really start taking it seriously until 5.

madmuggle · 27/04/2008 22:24

My daughter goes to a strict dance school. It suits her personality more than a more relaxed one would. It's all about what's best for your child. If she feels uncomfortable then take her elsewhere

lilyloo · 27/04/2008 22:31

dd 3 has just done her first exam today and she is very shy so am very pleased she enjoyed it, she did it no problem.

Scramble · 27/04/2008 22:41

My DD does ballet jazz and tap.

There was an optional exam for ballet at age 5 (pre primary) then exams each year after that, we haven't taken them that seriously and DD came out of the exam last year with a big grin saying that was fun. (She is 8 now.

There are exams for tap and she could do modern with exams, but I feel the ballet exams are enough for now.

I do like that it is quite strict for class, they all wear leotards, supposed to be RAD ones but you still see angelina ballerinas and all that up to about grade 2. DD was in her exam class today with bright purple bratz socks today , they do encourage buns, but they do this by giving them a tick each week they have a decent bun in and when they get enough ticks they get to choose a present from the box.

They do shows, big one in the summer (public can come) the little ones do one night and the under 5's have there own little show. At christmas they do a show in the dance school for rlations only and again the little ones do one show only.

I like the school as it is very professional, just strict enough and self contained with a cafe, there is a good atmosphere and I feel they look after the kids. The older ones hang out there and help in the cafe as well as assisting with the younger classes. I will be quite happy if my DD spends loads of time there after school when she is older.

I would follow your instinct, if you don't like it and don't feel comfortable with it stop for now or find a fun one. Look at how they progress them and what costs are involved in the future. Some types of dance are very competitive like disco and require loads of costumes, others like ballet are not competitive but might involve a few shows. Sell her uniform on if it cost a lot, no doubt it did.

edam · 27/04/2008 22:43

teacher sounds barking. Three year olds are still babies, not mini-Margot Fonteyns. 'Improve her standard significantly' ffs! Remember you are the one paying her wages. Daft mare.

I think in your shoes I'd pull my child out. I feel a slight hesitation about whether your dd is enjoying it and all the crap is sailing over her head. But if she stays there, some of this criticism and constant carping might start to sink in and upset her. So I'd go sooner rather than later.