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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to relate to mums differently than non-mums?

40 replies

LissyD · 26/04/2008 21:29

I've recently found myself relating completely differently to someone once i find out they have kids. It's particularly women as well. Am i being daft, or do other people do this too?

OP posts:

Twiglett · 27/04/2008 13:46

hah ... ... and thereby hangs the rub.... no parent would ever talk about "pop(ping) a kid out"

cornsilk · 27/04/2008 14:04

I would!
You can only talk about your children for so long before it becomes boring and a bit self-obsessed. I don't think it makes that much difference to me really. If I'm going to get on with someone (or not) it's regardless of whether they've got kids or not.

bergentulip · 27/04/2008 14:13

God, I don't think I relate differently at all!! Would be horrified if I thought I acted differently with different people. I certainly don't have different opinions about people either.

Topics of conversation might vary though. Don't want to bore anyone.
But, about 50-50 split with my close friends between those that have, and have no, children.
I also do not think that I have actually changed that much. A lot about priorities etc... sure, and maybe I go to bed a little earlier these days(!).. but me, nope.

But then, I've always been the typical capricorn! zzz..... reliable, organised, 'nice'....

Twiglett · 27/04/2008 14:15

I don't want to go to the same places and do the same things as my non-parental friends that often tbh ... Because I've been there, done that (a lot) and they're still doing it

but I do enjoy seeing people I haven't seen for ages .. so long as they don't do 'work bore' talk (with the exception of amusing anecdotes), I won't do 'child talk'

cornsilk · 27/04/2008 14:26

I do want to go to the places that childless people go to!

Twiglett · 27/04/2008 14:28

god I so don't want to be in overcrowded overly noisy places where you can't hear yourself think or move without pressing into people. And I so don't want to be moving on to the next place and next place and crawling in at 8am agin

been there, done that bored now

but then I didn't have kids till my 30s

Twiglett · 27/04/2008 14:29

nowadays I like to be able hear myself think and hear my friends and / or be entertained

cornsilk · 27/04/2008 14:30

Same here. No I don't want to do the night club bit either, but most childless people my age have been there, done that as well.

blueshoes · 27/04/2008 14:50

lauriefairycake, can I just say that as a foster parent, you are definitely a mother, a bigger one than me at that. You know more about parenting than a biological parent would be likely to ever know. Sorry about your miscarriage.

Twiglett · 27/04/2008 14:52

I agree that a foster parent is a parent .. but take exception to the trite bollocks that is "You know more about parenting than a biological parent would be likely to ever know." .. rubbish!

MargaretMountford · 27/04/2008 14:53

this is a bit sad isn't it - to discount people because they aren't mothers - a bit shallow I think - I don't really like this club thing that you can only belong to if you are a mum

TotalChaos · 27/04/2008 14:55

No. I've actually often found non-mums more supportive over my worries about DS'S development. Less prone to minimise my fears, and to acknowledge my concerns.

Farb · 27/04/2008 15:00

Completely normal.

I was having a coil put in this week, 3 of us in the room (me [obviously], Dr and her Registrar). I think feet up in stirrups and fanjo presented to an audience with additional lighting and peerings in is probably one of the most difficult situations in the world in which to achieve 'relaxed small talk'.

And yet when we all started talking about our kids and the nightmare of what to do in the holidays and should I or shouldn't I go back to work, oh isn't it hard to decide what is best da da da....

well we could almost have been in a tea shoppe with a scone.

almost

blueshoes · 27/04/2008 15:21

twiglett, you are clearly a better parent than me then.

I meant in the context of lauriefairy having to deal with children from a chaotic background with possible attachment issues.

I certainly don't have to deal with any of that - knowing my dcs genetic heritage as well as their temperament from birth and been in control parenting they have been exposed to.

colacubes · 27/04/2008 15:42

I have mum friends and non mum friends, the majority being non mum, I havent really given it that much thought, but I can see why you may be more drawn because you have things in common. But I have to say that I find most mummies arent drawn to me, I dont really have friends I have made because I am a mum, more friends that became mums.

I dont seem to fit the mummy clique?? Dont know why??

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