Advise (indecent or not a big deal)

[number1miss]

Hi

i live in a flat with a communal area, I live with my 14yr daughter.

the flat next door is rented out to around 5 men, one of these men comes into the communal area downstairs or to the bins in just his boxers or today in just a towel around his waist held by one hand as he was holding a rubbish bin. My daughter doesn’t like it and sometimes I think he does it on purpose particularly when we are around.

what can I do?

Don't look out the window would be my advice.

I doubt you can do anything really tbh. You can't tell anyone what to wear, or not wear, unfortunately. Just dont look !

we we’re leaving to head out

Plenty girls not much more than your daughters age walk around in skimpy outfits with boobs popping out and skirts up to the crotch, with the intention of getting people to look at them. Unless you plan on telling them all to cover up too, you are wasting your time getting upset.

If he came down stark naked, then yes. But he is covered up, isn't he?

Go and talk to him (nicely though, yeah?) explain how it makes your daughter feel.

This is tricky. I certainly would not like to see my neighbour in his underwear and my daughter much less so!

He could at least wear a dressing gown

I’d pop a kind note through the door asking him to cover up

You don't have to like it. You can remove yourself and your daughter from the situation every time but you do no not have the right to tell him what to wear unless he is breaking the law, which he is not.

Your daughters feelings are her own to manage - you can help guide her on what to do in this situation - ie. walk away immediately and not look, giving him no attention and keeping herself safe.

My adult sons would pop out to the bin like that.
Men just don't feel the pressure to cover that most women do.

It's not indecent if you can't see anything indecent.

It sucks but I wouldn't say anything. Dive strange men, you don't know how they'd react.

If you raise it with him and he is doing it on purpose, then it will give him satisfaction that you're noticing and it's affecting you.
I'd just look away. Unless you were on friendly terms, in which case you could jokily say 'put it away John. We don't want to see your arse'.
But I'm getting the impression it's not that kind of relationship.
If he was literally nude then that's classed as exposure and could be reported to the police. If it's on communal land. It's different if he was in his own private garden.

And when he comes back in 2 years to complain about your daughters skimpy outfits make sure you make her dress the way that makes him comfortable

😂😂😂😂😂

Yeah don't do this.

It's not indecent exposure ffs. Look away if you don't like it.

He was wearing a towel to take the bin out, not naked sunbathing.

It's not something I'd do, but a big part of communal living is that you have to live alongside other people.

You could try asking them to cover up, but you'd have to be willing to reciprocate if they ask you/your daughter to do the same in a year or so.

Are men complaining about this? Feeling uncomfortable and intimidated leaving their homes because of any link between women revealing parts of their bodies and sex offences against males? If you have any information to share that suggests so, then perhaps the OP may want to worry about whether they should cover up. However in the highly likely event you don't, shall we avoid false equivalences that just sounds a bit silly?

I can understand why you and your daughter are uncomfortable.

As there is a communal area at your flat presumably there is a managing agent/committee. Perhaps they would be willing to put up a sign something like “This is a communal area and people should be appropriately dressed at all times” - it is just common sense and respect really.

Then if the behaviour continued the agent / committee could send a note to the person in question to please be appropriately dressed in communal areas.

It reminds me of living in Newquay and supermarkets having signs up “Shoes must be worn”.

@Winter2020 that’s a good suggestion.

Yes I think @Winter2020 made a good suggestion.

I can really understand why you feel uncomfortable and I think if you are picking up vibes that they are doing this specifically to intimidate or get you and your DD's attention you are probably right.

Much ado about absolutely nothing.

He's probably an exhibitionalist if it is regularly happening. I would be very wary, the towel will "slip' or the pants 'gape' in due course.
All the posters saying it's fine are wrong. If you feel uncomfortable act - read "the gift of fear" and respect your own judgement.

Yes, it's inappropriate.

Sounds like overcrowding in the flat so you might think about reporting that.