I’m just going to start with a little warning, this will mention sexual assault.
I work in an office where everyone is very close. I love my job and work place, it’s a family run company, they really value employee retention, I’ve worked here for 22 years (I’m only 50 so most of my working life). Upper management are incredibly involved with us and we get paid well, pension contributions are great, lots of great employee benefits. There’s been bad apples through the years but they never tend to stick and I’ve always found it to be a safe place to work.
Currently on my team is one of the most wonderful young women I’ve ever met, whilst I believe most young people get a bad reputation for no reason, she is truly quite remarkable. Genuinely intelligent, diplomatic, funny and an all around lovely person. She’s been with us for a little over a year and never have I met a young person who has come into a job and been so naturally right for it. I joke she is my work daughter but I truly care for her more than I have any other colleagues. She is dating a guy on one of the other desks and I’d joke he’s my work son-in-law. He’s also a lovely guy and while we rarely work together he’s great.
Last night they hosted my husband and I for dinner. Our house is getting some work done so we are living in a hotel for a week and she insisted she made us dinner. After dinner she told me in confidence about an experience with another work colleague a fortnight ago after a work event. This colleague doesn’t work on our desk but we share some clients with him so I interact with him fairly often. He has always seemed to me to be nice enough. He has a reputation for being a bit horrible to whichever assistants are on his desk, not very cooperative etc. One of these assistants used to be this girls boyfriend and there was a situation before she started of him shouting at the boyfriend in the pub after work for a mistake that wasn’t even his and if it had been was no minor it would never warrant that reaction. This did sour my opinion of him but he’s quite charming so did win me back around.
Well I was informed that after a work event he sexually assaulted this girl. Everyone was drunk, but he groped her bum and boob while they went out to the smoking area and then forced a kiss. She pushed away and told him to fuck off. She and her boyfriend left and then she told him after. He hasn’t apologised or mentioned it.
I asked if she had reported it, she said she hadn’t, they were alone, be her word against his and she doesn’t really want it to become office drama. She said she had considered leaving and was unsure if she would but ideally she’d rather not. She said she hoped by making him see her everyday he’d feel guilty but I fear that with a man like this that rarely happens.
Now I’m not sure how to process this. I love my workplace but I feel sick working with a man who’s done this. While I’d be disgusted if he had done this to any of the women in our workplace I feel I’m more upset as I truly adore this girl and I feel a sort of duty to protect her.
Now obviously I won’t report it, it happened to her and she is allowed to deal or not deal with that however she feels fits best. But how do I work with him and not slap him across the face and call him a dirty bastard (well I don’t think I’d do this but I’ll definitely think it every time I see him). I know I just have to be professional but right now I don’t know how to begin with doing that?
AIBU to think this will impact or working relationship? How do I handle it?