Colleagues comment, am I being too sensitive?

[coffeeblackblacker]

Manager took me and colleague out for lunch today and colleague was telling a story about a weird man she once worked with and said “it’s no wonder you’re 38 and don’t have a girlfriend”

And there’s me sat there aged 38 and single.

It’s not the first time she’s made ageist comments specifically about my age. I just sat there and felt like utter shit.

Oh that's very insensitive of her. Do you think she was being thoughtless or passive aggressive?

How well do you know the colleague? Does she know your age and relationship status? How old is the colleague and what is her relationship status?

If she is similar age and also single I wouldn't mind, but if she was making a very pointed dig I would think it rude... but so would your manager, so she may have marked her card in front of him/her with that comment!

Rude! YANBU.

Could it be she simply got carried away with being bitchy about this guy, and totally forgot you were the same age? I doubt she meant every single person who's that age and single is weird. If so then she's clearly weird herself.
I'm guessing she's pretty unsubtle in general.
Does it bother you that you're single? Have you ever voiced as such to your colleague?
I'd hope it was literally just unfortunate rather than horrible what she said. But I'd give her a wide berth regardless.

Sorry to add more context

She is 30 and single.

She is 100% aware of my age and single status.

I think it’s just pure thoughtlessness on her part.

But there’s been times when she’s said to me “I just feel so behind in life” and I know she’s referring to not having settled down and had kids. When of course I would like this, but shes an entire 8 years younger than me. So if she’s behind, why the fuck am I?

Or she said someone she knew struggled to get pregnant at 34 and that she needs to settle down fast and I said “well I’m 38 so” and she just looked at me and smirked and shrugged.

Is 38 old? How the fuck do we get a job in our 60s....

Yes and if you’re single it could only be because you’re weird as fuck.

Very unsubtle.

@coffeeblackblacker then I wouldn't take it personally. I'm sure she's offended everyone to some degree at some point. You could just jokingly say 'well being single in your thirties doesn't mean you're a weirdo'. But it goes without saying and I think just accept she's rather annoying and her opinions are of little consequence.

And I randomly once said to her that I‘be previously worked in teams that are just women and one with just men. However I didn’t prefer either and think a mix is a good balance.

Then I got an entire speech on how she would love to work with just men because she gets on so much better with men and she’s noticed that all middle aged women absolutely hate her.

She sounds really insecure, OP. Please don’t take her stupid comments to heart.

The best thing to do is just completely ignore her and keep her at arms length. Or if you really want to, bite back with something like “well, 30 isn’t exactly a spring chicken by your standards is it?” (& I say this as a single 31yo!)

Everyone has their own path in life. We all have our own timelines. If you suddenly dropped dead at 38 people would say “omg she was so young”.

So please don’t let this childish woman make you think you’re “old” and your time is running it. It isn’t 💐

🙄 she sounds delightful! And a bit of a ‘pick me’

I think she is just an immature idiot- it’s obvious she is very worried about her situation. She is worried about being a weirdo because she is 30 and single.

this is all about her - not you. But she is being massively rude to you.

id just ignore and be smug about the fact she obviously very unhappy with her life!

She's not very happy with her life and is trying to put you and other women down so she can feel a bit better by comparison. Take no notice, her comments have nothing to do with your life, they're all about her feelings about her own.

I wonder why....!
(and I doubt it's just middle aged women either, she sounds like a cow!)

I can’t find the quote but the idea is stop telling her your plans and instead let her see the results - something along the lines of don’t tell anyone you’re buying a car; drive up to their house.
I used to work with someone who used personal knowledge about me to put me down, so I stopped telling them things

But she wasn't talking about you, she was saying it to a weird man who was single and maybe that gave an indication of why he was single. She wasn't saying it to you.

I'd have looked sympathetic and said "Really? That must have been lonely, because I bet you'd have felt weird hanging out with the 20 somethings."

If you don't value her as a person, don't give her opinion any weight either.

How she feels about where she is in her life is irrelevant to you. How do you feel about where you are in life?

If you feel like you are behind in life, are you actively doing things to change your situation? Do you want to settle down with a partner? If so, are you on any dating apps? Do you have any friends who could set you up on blind dates? Are there any singles nights/speed dating evenings? Are you going out and meeting people through hobbies/clubs, or are you staying at home? Are you asking any people out for dates?

Do you want to have children? Do you want to have a partner for this or would you consider doing it alone? Have you looked into IVF or freezing your eggs or adoption or fostering?

Yet again, a situation where nothing was said at the time!

A simple interjection of. 'Blooming cheek Sally, I'm 38 and single!'

Always put people on the spot when you feel slighted. It could be malicious or a simple oversight on her behalf, but oh so easy to sort out at the time.