To think someone doesn't like me

[Ladyingreen999]

AIBU to think if someone doesn't seem interested in hanging out after baby class, they probably don't like me?
I have a bit of social anxiety so please be kind.
I've joined a few mum and baby classes and was pleased to have met a couple of people I get on with. Had a nice long chat with one of the mums after the class today but, without going into details, it seemed that she actively avoided leaving the class together (which would mean potentially walking together, or not, no idea which direction she was going!). Is it more likely she just didn't want to walk with a random from a baby group, or that she doesn't like me? I'll probably be called needy, weird and whatnot, but I'm quite a normal person who just struggles with making friends (but I do have friends, so I'm not completely hopeless). I know I overthink things that's why I'm asking here. Should I avoid her or is it just what some people are like?

She probably didn’t even realise she was doing it. She may have been distracted by her baby or anything else going on in her life, please don’t worry.

It’s most likely she didn’t have time today, sometimes after a baby class I try leave sharp and avoid others because I know I’ll talk when really I need to get home fast to pick up my toddler.

next time you see her, say a friendly hello and ask how she is. You could offer to meet up one time outwith the class for a little play date and see what she says!

She probably just wants to get home (or wherever) quickly and not to be sidetracked into conversation. I’m inclined to social anxiety, and have to repeat to myself “it’s not all about you”

I would to the same as her to be honest. I would the peopled out at the stage.

More likely that she had somewhere else to go, or was occupied in her mind with something else.

There could be a million reasons why she needed to get away quickly and didn't have time to chat further. It won't have been about you.
No need to avoid her.

Whatever her reason it's hardly going to be about you or anything you've done, unless you've spent the class berating other parents choices on feeding, sleeping, what they dress their baby in or loudly talking about Trump or other political issues or been a general negative Nancy. The chances are she was distracted with her own children/ running through her mental to do list / wanted to hang back to talk to the organiser quietly etc.

Based on what you've said I'd say she was deliberately avoiding walking out with you but nothing to say it was because of you as such. I find people avoid social interaction a lot these days but also she may have just done her share of being social that day.

When i went to baby classes it was for the sake of my baby. I personally wasn't up to socialising and leaving the house was probably the last thing I wanted to do, what with being completely sleep deprived and brain foggy. I might have managed a conversation if the other person was nice and chatty but doing more than the class? Ha. The anxiety at the thought of having to keep up any sort of conversation when I'm dead inside... You're nice but I'm done. Goodbye. See you next week.

She wasn't trying to get away quickly, the opposite, she was quite obviously delaying leaving when I was about to leave for no obvious reasons, hence me being a bit paranoid.

Most of the immediate reasons that came to mind weren't to do with you as she wouldn't have stood and made conversation (I would have made an excuse of needing to go somewhere and split). I'd say she was busy/tired/peopled out/ didn't realise you were going to walk together/knew she was going other way. I overthink stuff like this too but getting better at it, try not to read too much into it and see how it goes next time. Maybe ask her to do something another time like a coffee if kids too small for other groups and see what she says. If she declines just take it for what it is, someone to chit chat with at that group but don't let it put you off trying to make friends

I think this is your anxiety speaking. One of the exercises I used to do was asking myself "is this fact or an opinion?"

If it helps, I am also very introverted. I really like people but I get burnt out after interacting and I need quiet time, especially if I have a child with me as I get a bit overloaded.

My not wanting to speak to somebody at a given moment is absolutely no reflection whatsoever on how much I like somebody. It's purely a me issue and as well as a multitude of other explanations, that might be one of them.

Well I know for me that I am quite careful about new friendships and like you find it hard but The opposite way to you.

if we were both at that class together you would be describing me!
it wouldn’t be that I didn’t like you! It would much more likely be that I didn’t want to (yet). Over it outside the confines of the class.

I would be quite happy to chat and be friendly within the boundaries of the class because that feels safe (possibly eventually outside of it but possibly not either!) but I definitely wouldn’t want to be in a position of walking out together and having the possibility of the other person wanting to swap numbers or adding each other to social media (and me not wanting to) or having to politely turn down the do you fancy grabbing a coffee as were leaving offer.

i might if I really really hit it off with someone want to start a friendship later outside of the class but it would take a while and a decent amount of interaction for me to know that so it probably wouldn’t happen on my side until much later.

i have a very small group of close friends who I adore but I have also had my fingers burnt more than once so I am wary (not unkind or rude and will happily chat and pass the time of day within the boundaries of the place we know each other like work or class etc) until I know someone or more accurately I feel I have a better gauge of them as a person as I don’t want to be in that position again with mess and drama so I feel better taking things slowly.

Thank you for taking the time to explain. I always read on MN that people find it off-putting if someone seems to be actively pursuing friendship. It's the opposite for me so I don't fully understand (well I do in theory, less so in practice), but I guess I'd feel the same with someone coming on too strong in dating - can't think of anything worse! - so it does make sense.

No problem I hope it’s helped you to see that when someone isn’t immediately jumping to be full on friends that doesn’t actually mean they don’t like you or even that it’s actually anything to do with you instead it can be simply that some people are just built a bit different in The way they approach becoming friendlier before taking the steps to actually become friends.

actually your analogy about dating really resonates with the feeling I get and was trying to explain in my post. I probably hadn’t considered it because of the platonic nature of friendship but yes it is similar for me, when I feel someone coming on too strong it sends me in the complete opposite way!

I really hope despite this interaction that you’re not put off going back and I am wishing you the best in finding new friendships.