Friend wants to meet up but I’m an after thought

[ThisArtfulScroller]

An old friend who lives up North is coming to London for the weekend, to see friends that have nothing more to do with me since I had mental health problems. And see me the next day after her big night out.

since I have had my 3 year old daughter this friend has seen me once and made no effort to communicate ie avoided calls, texts etc and only met my daughter when she was 2 last Xmas.

she’s the sort of Person who distance does not really matter as always going here there and everywhere.

i don’t think I should go meet her with my toddler in tow and maybe best and the friendship as it’s not even a friendship or a friend anymore

aibu

I don’t think you’re an afterthought but if you don’t want to see this friend and you aren’t looking forward to it then don’t see her and please don’t feel bad about it.

I have a friend like this who has MH issues I've taken a step back as, she needed to sort herself out, I was drained with the constant all being about her and her issues and when I was poorly never bothered to ask how I was at all. I've taken a huge step back to let her sort her stuff out , I can't deal with the draining of it all anymore and she has to help herself. Doesn't mean I'm no longer her friend, but what have you done to try and maintain the friendship , without it being all about you? Ask yourself that.
Because I find people who have a lot going on , tend to focus on just them.
I would meet up without your toddler and try and see where the friendships at ?

It sounds like your mental health issues have already led to friendships ending. If you want to remain friends then I'd be kinder to the friend as she has stayed in touch; I'd go alone to meet her and chat about positive things that are going on in your lives.

I don't see why you think you're an afterthought - it sounds like she wants to meet you, otherwise she wouldn't have contacted you at all! It's up to you though. If you don't want to meet her then that's totally up to you.

She is travelling to see other people in the evening on the first night of her arrival and the next day, probably during the daytime, and making the assumption that you would be more available to meet during the day and not at night, she has arranged to me you (either with or without your kid).

I don't see this as an afterthought. I see this as actually being considerate of your situation.

I also think that it might be your mental health talking (or thinking) here.

Meet up with her, you may actually enjoy it.

If you think/feel she is seeing you as a way of killing time or out of a sense of obligation then don’t go, it isn’t worth it.
If she is the last connection between you and the old friendship group you referred to and you feel the friendship between you and her is one sided then don’t go, get a clean mental health break from it all.

But it sounds like she is making the effort to see you as well as the friends you no longer associate with so you may decide it’s worth one last chance.

I would also ask… have you invited her for a visit? Sometimes people wait to be asked and if you have had poor mental health and been dealing with a young child she may have been giving you space and waiting for the invite.

Are you always going to visit her? Do you know the people she is going out with?
Personally I think she is making a big effort to separately see you. I go to London with work and often only see one person at a time as it knackers me out!

Well it's hard as I'd say there's a lot of information not included. If whatever happened regarding your mental health was so severe that a group of people, for whatever for whatever reason, rightly or wrongly have effectively cut you off, it sounds like she has stuck by you and has made the effort to reach out and ensure she sees you.

Friendship is also a 2 way street. If you both haven't seen each other that much, have you made the effort ?

Only you know what is best for you do to but it would be a shame to lose a friend who has prioritised time with you.

I think I would go. You have nothing to lose and you may well have a lovely time.

Is the problem here that she didn’t take your side with the other friends ?

I think you are being unreasonable to call yourself an afterthought. She’s allowed to keep up friendships even if they aren’t with people you approve of.

It’s completely within your right though to decline the invite and drift from the friendship and you feel she has.

She's obviously fitting everyone in while she's visiting the area, so how does that make you an afterthought?! Are you pissed off because she shouldn't be meeting up with the friends who dropped you? Maybe the day that she's seeing them is the only day they can all meet up. Simple answer though, if you don't think she's enough of a friend and don't want to see her, don't!

Sounds ok to me.
Normal for people to tie in seeing / doing various things when they're visiting.
I think it sounds like you're wanting to find some reason to be offended.