Nurses - how do you cope?

[Nurse228]

I'm feeling so beaten down by the way patients treat me. People speak to us so poorly, are so rude and horrible. Some people are downright bullying.
How do you deal with it? I try not to take it personally but it's really getting me down.

I'm quitting. That's how I'm coping.
I don't get paid enough to put up with the shit we have to put up with every day, to work the hours we have to work and miss out on time with my family, to then have patients and family members calling me rude names and slagging off my profession.

Shame really as I've worked in the NHS for a long time and I'm a highly specialised nurse, but I've had enough now.

Not a nurse but I'm patient facing clinical for nhs too
Seriously debating leaving, but no idea what I'd do next

I'm a nhs manager. I think it goes in thirds. A third of colleagues leave the work because of this, a third stay but become angry and bitter with these people and that's how they get through and a third stay, put up with it and carry the weight of it on them.
None of this is good.
The way forward is to push back every single time. Say you will not accept abuse or rudeness. Escalate it to seniors. Document it. Be clear with seniors you expect them to support you and you will not be spoken to like that. And rinse and repeat and tell your colleagues to do the same. Zero tolerance does work.

Fuck me what?! I’m not medical but the thought of being rude to someone who is trying to help you astounds me.

I’ve had a lot of medical treatment and have never once been rude to anyone (even when nurses have been pretty rude to me - not NHS staff i might add).

wouldn’t even cross my mind. I’m so sorry this is happening to anybody.

I won't do it forever. Until I cant tolerate anymore. Until I find something else I enjoy doing.
Everyone expects everything yesterday, no respect for others.
I love my job and the patients but there's only so much rudeness one can tolerate.

I work with babies. Who don't answer back. Very rare the parents are rude tbh!

@Nurse228 push back EVERY SINGLE TIME. Escalate it. Take no crap from rude, ungrateful and entitled people. And feel free to tell them that’s what they are. Would love to see people like that having to pay for their health care. (And yes I know we pay taxes for the NHS yadda yadda yadda)

I have a really low bar on how much I will accept. Obviously I understand that emotions are high, people are scared and frustrated and I do make some allowances but I’ve got really strong boundaries (after years of not).

How does your setting deal with patient on staff abuse?
What supervision or support do you receive?

It’s definitely getting worse. I’ve been a nurse for 30 years in paediatric oncology mainly. I completely understand parents and carers are unbelievably stressed and distraught. I will do everything i can possibly do to support them. But I do not think being called a cunt/fucking bitch/overtly racist language/threatened with putting my name out on social media/being covertly recorded/ threatened with a knife is acceptable. It feels personal and will send me out of the profession

All nurses have my profound sympathy.

Yesterday I was at our local Spire Hospital for a day procedure and spent the day on the day case ward. The rudeness I witnessed towards the two hard-working, professional and highly-efficient nurses from the husband of an elderly patient stunned me; it was over an administrative matter, and he rudely said loudly: "I haven't received any email from this hospital, and don't tell me to check my Junk folder because I never do that".

His attitude was disgusting and it was clear that the nurse felt humiliated at the way he was berating her in public despite the matter being nothing to do with her, and certainly not her fault. He continued in the same vein for a length of time until turning round to see my strong 'death stare'; his wife had already clocked it, and was definitely embarrassed. I figured that she had clearly spent her life being embarrassed about her twat of a husband behaving like this.

He shut up after that, but I was really annoyed for the nurse, and told her so after their departure. She said: "It's all in a day's work - because this is a private hospital some people are even more entitled than the NHS".

I truly don't know how nurses find the patience to put up with these people and salute them.

I find other staff the issue. Alot of aggressive, lazy, bitter staff tearing other staff down .bloody sad.

I work in a nursing home as a senior nurse/manager and couldn’t find it any more rewarding.
We care for highly challenging dementia clients and although it can be extremely tough, I find taking abuse from someone who is not aware of what they are doing, and would highly likely of never have dreamed of doing some of the things they may do, easier to process and deal with.
It is also highly rewarding in the recognition you receive from the families of the loved ones you care for, for showing compassion and building relationships in one of their most difficult times, quite often right up to the end.
I believe it also helps we often care for these people for a prolonged period of time, be that 6 months or 12 years so you build some beautiful relationships and rapports there as well.
It obviously comes with its challenges and we often hear you have to be a certain type of person to do the job we do, but is that not the same for all nursing and actually most likely the reason we all chose this profession in the beginning.

I think hospitals should employ security staff, or better still have a permanent police secondment, to deal with abusive patients / relatives. The moment a person displays abusive or aggressive behaviours, they should be thrown out. Unless there are acute mental crisis issues at play, in which case any staff dealing with them should have security present.

The free access to the hospital environment is a big problem. Not just free because it's not paid for at point of delivery, but free because there is practically zero security to protect staff and keep abusive people out.

Happens all the time unfortunately. Every day.

I know it might feel like empty words, but I want to say thank you to everyone who working in nursing. I appreciate the dedication, compassion, care, consideration and commitment you've shown me and my family whenever we've needed NHS care. I'm sorry the system is broken, I'm sorry some patients are shitty, I'm sorry you're not paid fairly.
I don't know how you do it day in, day out, but I'm bloody grateful you do, and I support and respect you.

Thank you. I don't expect a medal, I don't think I'm a hero. I do my job and I do it as best as I can every day. I want to help people and make a difference to people's lives. But this part is extremely difficult and I'm now 12 years in and it's really effecting me.

Tell them you won't be spoken to in that manner and walk away.
Zero tolerance is a load of nonsense....we once had a nurse threatened on the ward, others had to step in as the visitors were about to get physical. They then threatened that they would do her outside when she finished. Security were involved.
Imagine my colleagues shock when they were allowed to visit the following day.

We must not upset the relatives/visitors.....xx

THIS!!! Every single time. I currently work with male prisoners. I get the occasional bad manners but give as good as I get in most instances. When I worked in the hospital I wouldn't tolerate bad manners, nor would I let my staff tolerate them either.
Behaviour towards nurses has become disgraceful and should not be tolerated.
I feel management are too soft and lot of this crap is tolerated when it shouldn't be.
Sorry OP that you are feeling this way. Hugs x

We don’t. We leave. No wonder everyone is going into aesthetics.

The ‘zero tolerance’ posters have no meaning. We have parents on behaviour contracts, it means nothing.