To say something to or about these rude ladies

[H930]

I take my little boy to a story and song group once a week, we all sit in a circle and listen to a story and use lots of lovely props, then play some circle games and sing songs. Without fail every week about half of the carers chat loudly amongst themselves, all the way through the story and games, which totally drowns out what the leader is saying and makes it impossible for the children to focus and take part.

For the first time this week the leader asked them to stop and they did momentarily but then continued. It’s so frustrating and honestly makes me want to stop going, but it’s such a lovely group, or would be if we could properly take part!

So AIBU to either directly tell these ladies to be quiet, or otherwise to ask the leader once everyone else has left to please clamp down more firmly on this incredibly rude behaviour?? I get that people want to socialise and get some adult company but there are other places to do that where it wouldn’t be so disruptive!

The Leader needs to deal with it

God that’s so disrespectful. I have similar at a local church playgroup I go to with my son, some carers just let their charges run riot at the little story/song session at the end and I have ended up telling the children directly to stop as they get silly and pull the children who are listening about, roll on the floor etc. winds me up as the lady who runs it is doing it for free. They weren’t there last time and it was sooo much nicer. I’d email the group leader if you can and ask if she can go through a few ‘house rules’ before the session. It’s so rude of them.

Tell them you have a condition that means you cant listen to 2 voices at once

I agree I'd say to the group leader, it's her role to manage that and it would probably mean more coming from her. Sounds like they need to meet for a coffee after the group so they can focus on it while they are there... maybe you could suggest that if you like them? (Despite the rudeness?)

Id also suggest speaking to the group leader. I help run similar sessions and it is really good to know if some of the parents attending are irritated by the behaviour of others - it gives the group leader more confidence in addressing the problem

How rude! The leader needs to address this firmly and at the start of each session.

I hate this sort of disrespect. Women at the gym do it in classes - they chat amongst themselves at the beginning and end of classes when the instructor is speaking and/or leading the stretches. Makes me so cross.

agree, try once more with the leader first, but if not absolutely say something yourself if you feel comfortable. You could even suggest to the leader that you will back her up if she says something if she'd like that.

Let the leader deal with it

I am not a naturally confrontational person, but I would feel bad for the group leader and so would have to say something. "Ladies, would you mind keeping it down? It's really difficult to hear what Leader is saying". If they still kept on, I would say something like "Ladies, would you mind stepping away to have this chat? We can't hear". And if they still kept on I would have to say "you are being really rude- we've come here to hear X and we can't hear anything over the noise of your conversation. Can you save it for later or take it outside?"

I would have a word with the group leader first. If that doesn’t work then I would have a conversation with the group

Talk to the group leader first. Ask her whether she'd like you to back her. It normally helps to intervene as a second person/bystander. Say something like 'the leader is trying to tell a story'. You don't even need to add the more confrontational 'could you please be quiet'. The guilt implied in the first sentence usually shuts people up. I've used it in art classes.

By carers do you mean not the parents?

During the session, is it feasible for you to raise your voice and ask the leader to repeat something as "I CANT HEAR YOU WITH PEOPLE TALKING" making it absolutely obvious who you are talking about? How very rude, if they want to chat, do it on their own dime.

I’m glad we all agree!! I had a word with her this morning (saw her separately at a playgroup) she was very non committal regarding actually saying anything to them but did agree that it was annoying. If it continues I might just stop going for a bit.

In my opinion, you don't have to pussy-foot around with vague suggestions that the 'ladies' shut up. By seeming so half-hearted about it, you are actually giving them permission to carry on. The group leader should say, preferably at the start of the session:' participants are here to listen to the story and join in with the activities. I NEED you all to abstain from chatting to each other while the session is happening, because if people can't hear it becomes pointless. Being quiet at appropriate times is a condition of being here.'
The if they don't keep quiet there should be no hesitation in telling them (not asking ) to leave. Being clear and direct would save so much time and frustration for everyone.

Absolutely agree here - if it was me running the group I would take this approach! Just a bit tricky to navigate when I’m one of many others attending rather than being in charge!

Do you mean carers as in they work there or do you mean other parents?

Other parents/grandparents or whoever rather than workers

If you're contemplating leaving the group for a while because of it, you're not going to lose anything by saying something!

A quick "for goodness' sake - my child and all the others here are trying to listen to what the leader is saying - can you save the chat for a coffee shop after the group please - we can't hear anything with you lot jabbering on!"

BTW - at 46 I have now just reached the point in my life where I couldn't give a shit what people think about me, so I may be a bit more blunt than I used to be!

Announce clearly in your best BBC voice that 'we all have to listen to the story this week because it is very interesting.' .. while looking slowly round the room ending with a big smile for the culprits.. then thank the leader.....

Works every time...

Haha, I’m 46 and exactly the same ! My play nice days are farrrrrrr behind me !

This group has turned into chaos. You need to act and speak to the organiser in private. The similar groups I have attended The mother's sat close to children and joined in activity attentively. Not sit on sidelines as a separate group socialising.
Sibging nursery songs can be repetitive but it's so rude to disengage.

Talk about money and how its rude.

I’d say in the middle of the session ‘Sorry, I’m really struggling to hear with all the chatting ladies, can you catch-up afterwards?