Starting new job and don't want to take the P with appointments - how to navigate ?

[cnka]

I start a new job soon and will be required in office 3 days a week.

They said they're flexible and totally understand family commitments. I already mentioned being at my desk at 9 am might be tricky as I do school drop off, but that I would be looking to get someone else to do drop offs asap. They said it's absolutely not a problem.

On a couple of calls with my new manager during the interview process, he was travelling around as he needed to pick up his kids etc.

Here is my issue, in the second week I have a hospital appointment at lunch time, which has been set for months and also on a different day I need to take my son to have a preschool assessment. Both things are during the second week. The preschool assessment pretty much means I can't really go to the office that day. My hospital appointment means I'll be away for a couple of hours, but can be at the office.

Then in December I have a long awaited hospital appointment to attend with my son again.

Yes my husband could go to the preschool assessment but I would prefer to take him as I know all the teachers. But ok, he can do that.

The other appointments though, I really do need to go to them.

Should I mention on my first day ? I'm also really concerned my kids are going to get sick in the first few weeks and I won't be able to go to the office. Especially my son, gets sick a lot.

I'm hoping my husband can cover, but it's very difficult because he's self employed and if he also has staff missing, then he just can't leave work.

I don't want to make a bad impression, especially with these appointments. How can I navigate or am I worried needlessly ?

What I would like to see is if you emailed now setting out the dates & times you need off, and asking whether to book them as annual leave or whether the hours can be made up with flexible working.

we have all had staff take the piss with flexible working, and it can only operate through trust, being upfront shows you can be trusted.

are you full time but 2 days a week from home?

They were pre-booked before you got the job so I would say it's not an issue just let them know and say that obviously from now on you'll aim to get appointments outside of work hours.

My work wouldn't care, would just say WFH and log the relevant hours but we work fully Flexi so can log our 7 hours any time between 7am-7pm providing business needs come first.

Yeah full time, 2 days from home

Will your contract allow you to take annual leave during the second week? If so, I would request a day's leave for the nursery thing.

Hospital appointments - any decent manager isn't going to kick off about these.

I would have an open, honest conversation with your new manager, ideally prior to starting, expressing your concern about needing this time off and not wanting it to look like you're taking the piss. If you show a bit of awareness that it isn't ideal, that will probably go a long way.

Hopefully your new manager will be a reasonable sort who understands that staff have lives outside of work.

It needs mentioning up front so they know its a one off cluster of appointments and this is not what you're going to be like on a regular basis asking for loads of different things all the time.

Send an email with every appointment you have coming up

Get your husband to do the preschool one.

Mention your appointment pretty soon - people know you don't choose hospital appointments and can't just move them around for convenience so should be understanding.

Your son's appointment - what time of day is it? Are you going to be missing hours out of the afternoon because you're taking him and then he wont be going back to nursery so you'll be watching him. Or is it a case of a slightly longer lunch? Or skip lunch and finish a bit early? I'd potentially book annual leave for this, depending on the timings.

The three days a week - do you choose those, or are they set? For example, if your son is sick Monday/Tuesday, can you go in wed-fri as your three days?

Definitely flag it up front so they know - it’s prebooked so shouldn’t be an issue.

For when your kids are ill though, you will need to share the burden. Appreciate DH is self employed but it isn’t fair on you or your colleagues if you’re the one off all the time when there is another parent who can help. It’s just about finding a balance and takes time at any job.

I'd get in touch in advance and ask to book leave for upcoming appointments for you and your son and see what they say you.

But in my family we've always had the arrangement that whoever has just started a new job doesn't take time off for child related stuff for the first couple month, the other parent picks up the slack for a few weeks.

You're on probation the first three months, so your husband should pick up as much slack as he can until you're more comfortable in your role. You need to make a good first impression.

So I think your DH should do the school one.

Then it's just two hospital appointments. I'd say they're for you (rather than one for me, one for son) and ask if they'd like you to take them as annual leave. Tell them the dates as soon as you can.

They might come back and say fine to work flexibly for them, but giving them lots of notice and showing willing to talk annual leave will make a good first impression imo

I would definitely make sure your Dh does all of the appointments for your son and do the majority of the school drop-offs and at least half of the sick days whilst you are still new at work. You are both at work so it's not that he can't but you can, neither of you can but at least he works for himself and won't be let go.

Not an issue where I work but as with all things, this is company dependant

I’m surprised they haven't asked about upcoming holidays/ appointments as part of the recruitment process in case they need to work around those dates for training etc

personally I’d take both days as leave if it was me. Then you just aren’t in rather than being in for some and trying to making the time up

once settled in the role I’d just make up time but in the first few weeks taking leave is easier

Can you not work from home the two days you need those appointments? Same with the December one. I'd just ask to change days and check it's fine to work back the hours later on when you're back, should be a non issue

Your husband should do the preschool one. Two hospital appointments in two months won't raise any eyebrows. I'd mention them in your first sit down with your line manager.

Best be up front on the first day - these were pre-existing commitments. Recruitment is expensive so it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things for them. Ask for ways to make up the time, that shows you are conscientious and have a good work ethic.

Hospital appts absolutely fine - do those and just explain as soon as you can. For the pre school assessment either book annual leave or just get your husband to do it - no reason why he can't- he can get to know the teachers too.

Were you not asked about any upcoming commitments/time off during the interview process?

I’d 100% get husband to do the preschool appointment; and possibly one of the hospital ones too, if you like the job and want to keep it. Otherwise I’d just be really upfront and honest that it won’t often be like this… if you can say that.

If your son is sick a lot, can your husband get into a position where he can offer more care? Sadly my experiences and anecdotes around mums needing to take time off for kids being unwell are not good and I’d be concerned about that, especially as most companies outright forbid having children at home while working from home since Covid.

Medical appointments - should be fine. Just say they were booked ages ago.
Nursery assessment - you'll need to take leave for this, unless you have good flexible working conditions.
Predicting time off for your sick child - tricky. Is there a medical reason why he gets unwell a lot? If you have to have a lot of time off work to care for family that's something I think you should have discussed at interview stage.

It’s hard to say, different employers are more or less flexible. I’ve been lucky my last couple of companies have both been flexible and understanding from the very start. But they also made that clear, especially my current line manager, from day one.

I think so soon in I would either get my other half to do the preschool assessment or book it as holiday (as said, this was pre-existing and they should have asked anyway if you had any thing already booked).

The hospital appointments, any decent employer should allow you to go to those no problem, for you and your son. Where I work, we are asked to try and take at lunch times if poss but aren’t made to make up hours if not. I work full time from home in an editing job where I’m not really in meetings often or dealing with clients, so I guess it can also depend on what your industry is.

it would of course help if you can alternate your sons appointments with his dad but I get that you may not want to do that, depending on what it is.

Did they not ask you during an interview/job offer whether you have any prior commitments coming up? It has always been standard practice during every interview I've ever had. If not, then let them know as soon as possible that you have prior arrangements.