Nursery worker speaking harshly to child

[FanofLeaves]

Just to give some context-

I’m a former nursery worker myself. I mainly nanny now, but still temp in the same nursery one day a week through an agency for extra income.

I’d not come across this woman before but she works at the same agency, seems she’s been at the nursery a lot just not when I’ve been there.

Child in question is whinging a little bit but only because it was his turn with a particular toy and the other boy wasn’t giving it up. She said ‘Benji (not real name obviously) get over it love! Your whining is going to give me an earache!’ She said it fairly loudly and brusquely.

I tried to catch the other nursery worker’s eye as it made me look up sharply from what I was doing as I’m just not used to hearing the children being spoken to like that. They are only 2-3 years in age. However she kept her head down but then she’s only a young trainee.

The worker in question kept asking if the boy ‘just needed a cuddle’ the boy understandably keeps shaking his head and her saying ‘you’re rude’. Same as when he wouldn’t answer a question about his baby sibling, he was told he was rude.

now obviously I only saw a snapshot and nothing else happened apart from her being a bit stricter than what I’m accustomed to in the way she was with the children. But more things like ‘listen to this story sitting cross legged or go and do something else’ sort of thing. Whereas I pick my battles a bit more, if they’re listening but not necessarily sitting in a certain way I’d let it go because they’re little and I like to try and meet them halfway. That might just be different approaches.

Anyway, no management around to speak to yesterday before I left so just debating whether to email, wait and speak in person next week or just wait and see and potentially not do anything. It doesn’t sit right with me but then again it’s nothing major, just an uneasy feeling. I’ve never spoken to a child like that in 15 years of working with them. I’m a mum to a little boy of that age too and maybe it’s just clouding things a bit imagining him being spoken to like that by someone. I have worked with the boy in question lots of times and he’s not badly behaved or challenging in the slightest, just perhaps quite sensitive and doesn’t have too many words yet to express himself.

just wondering if I’m being a bit silly really and if not, what to do about it.

I would pass on to the manager and frame it as a cpd need

we all have to speak up to protect children. If your instinct and professional experience led to you feeling uncomfortable in this womans manner - please report it.

You need to follow the nursery’s safeguarding policy which should be that any concerns you report it immediately to the designated safeguarding lead or registered manger. If this isn’t acted on then you need to take it further to Ofsted as I presume it’s a registered early years provider.

Yep, same as all the replies… you need to report it

Yes report it the little things make a bigger picture I saw it myself years ago when I worked in a nursery I spoke up then and they were the room leader she was demoted and had to go on a course this was circa 2007

Yes definitely report if you are concerned. You'll never live with your self if things escalated. You are allowed to be concerned. Risk offending!

I also agree with reporting. It's been a long time since working with and then having my own young children but I would never have spoken to a child like that (maybe my own on occasion but never someone else's child).

Speak up.

Thanks, I did send an email to the nursery not revealing any names and am waiting for someone to call me about it. In any case I’m back there tomorrow so I can say something then.

Gosh its no wonder so many kids are poorly behaved now if you think its a huge issue that a child got told to stop whining. She's not shouting at him fgs.

Ive really noticed lately i come across an awful lot of whiny whingy primary school children who will not take no for an answer just keep making that terrible whiny noise when an adult won't give them what they want - someone needed to say stop whining when they were much younger!

By their parents yes maybe but not in a regulated & professional setting as a nursery. Behaviours should be dealt with in an appropriate way.

But for children in a nursery 5 days a week, those staff are in loco parentis they are in these peoples care for potentially 40+ hours a week. Its not realistic or beneficial for those children not to experience the normal range of human emotion and yes from time to time adults will find whiny behaviour irritating. I don't think its right to expect that children cared for in a nursery shouldn't ever hear a cross or annoyed tone of voice while that would be ok occasionally for a child at home with parents?

I'm glad there's caring nursery workers like you around op.

I think she sounds awful and unprofessional. Maybe not cut out for the job if she can't manage her own emotions and stay calm with the children. 100% report it

Is she older by any chance?

Totally agree.
The world has gone mad.
Telling a child (not shouting) to stop whining is not a safeguarding issue ffs!

These replies are shocking.

definitely this!
It's no wonder children have no resilience and can't cope with day to day living if this is a safeguarding issue!
So many children are in full time childcare these days - they need to be treated as a (decent) parent would treat them. I never put up with mine whining all the time.

Speak to your manager in person.
(I’ve also worked in nurseries. This isn’t right).

Exactly. Its not helpful to children if nursery settings are artificial environments where everybody is careful to speak softly and nobody ever points out behaviours to them that won't help them cope in a wider community setting?!
The nonsense is what leads to threads on here where parent is up in arms because their child claims 'the teacher screamed in my face'.... Because the teacher raised their voice /spoke firmly / told them to stop whinging

It sounds like you'd let one child hog a toy for ages and tell the other one to stop whining because you couldn't be bothered to deal with it. Then you'd offer a hug because you couldn't be bothered to actually help them and tell them they were rude if they didn't want one. Also tell them they were rude if they didn't want to talk about a particular subject. That's not good parenting. It's lazy, crap parenting and it's not good for nursery workers either. I wasn't a lazy, crap parent and funnily enough my kids turned out fine. Now young adults.

Nobody said she wasn't calm or had lost control of her emotions? Just that she used a firm tone and told the child their whining would give her earache thats perfectly honest?

No id say stop the whining voice and use your words so that we can sort this situation out?

OP has obviously noticed the nursery worker being repeatedly negative to one particular child. Good for her wanting to raise it. Some parents do pick on a particular child and think it's fine. Doesn't mean it is.

No I wouldn't be happy if my DD was spoken to like this. Not acceptable.

Of course the should be taught that adults get irritated by some behaviours but this wasn’t the way to deal with it at all! All behaviour is communication and he’s not even 4 yet. She should have spoken to him kindly and found out what was upsetting him. He needed reassurance and care in a calm way.

Telling a toddler to “get over it love” it a brusque way is really inappropriate. I might say that to a teenager if it was my own child or nephew/niece, but it’s not the way to speak to a child in your care especially such a young child. I know for a fact that the manager at the nursery my children went to would immediately pull up any staff member speaking to a child like that.
Children are not responsible for adults emotions, if we are irritated by something they do that’s for us to deal with in a mature sensitive way.