Co slept for too long! Help!

[princessfifi23]

Have a toddler who is 3 in February. She has never slept in her own room. She went from a Moses basket by our bed to a cot by our bed. She settles fine but almost always wakes in the middle of the night wanting to come into our bed. It became uncomfortable for dh, myself and a wriggling toddler to all fit in the bed so dh ended up moving out into what will be dds single floor bed (I know, ridiculous but it's how we all got the most sleep!)

She is now getting too big for her cot and I know I have to move her into her own bed and her own room. Just worried about her becoming unsettled. Is it too much change at once? I've also really enjoyed co sleeping to be honest.

Any tips?

Just try it.

Go to sleep in the floor bed and leave them there and see what happens.

My son was 18 months when we did this. I was expecting hell as he was like a limpet. Didn’t bat an eyelid. Loves his bed.

I used to wake in the night for the loo and sometimes hear him laughing and chattering to himself 🤣

You won’t know until you try.

I would say just grin and bear it and stay strong. Better now than at 10!! Even if she is unsettled- so what? There’s nothing really to worry about. It won’t do her any harm even if she is unsettled at first; to the contrary once everyone is in the swing of it, everyone is better off. You can offer some comfort without taking her into your bed. Get some nice music or audiobooks. Peter rabbit is free on audible and read by a man with a very calm voice- my ds loves it. Ikea have nice safe night lamps. Make her room cosy and dark and for the first few nights put her to bed later so she is knackered. Don’t attempt early nights at first - avoid beginning a pattern of going up and soothing her. So you want her as tired as possible!!

Our toddlers bed is at the side of our bed. We’re not moving him to his own room until he asks. I think it’s wonderful to have coslept for so long - don’t feel bad about it

I don't worry about her settling. She's generally quite good at that and will go to sleep easily in different places, on holiday etc. However if she wakes in the night (which may be a habit or may be because she's wriggling around in her cot and hasn't enough room) then what do I do then?

I have other kids and don't want them being woken up if she starts crying and getting worked up. I can see me ending up either bringing her into our bed again or getting in bed with her!

Also worry about her getting up in the night and messing about in her room. She's obviously never had the freedom to get out of bed while being in a cot.

I would put a low level double bed in her bedroom, it is easier for you to transition her by getting her used to her own room and then extracting yourself imo, plus even when you move out then bedtime stories etc are more comfy in a double bed and her it is great for visitors etc

Ah this will be OK,
Hype her up with the excitement of her new room, get her to help find a few little bits, like a night light, a special cushion, maybe a new stuffed bear.
Put up a camera in her room that'll alert you when she's up.

When she wakes, go and sleep next to her, until she's asleep, or mornings whichever you're more comfortable with. Over time these night wakings will ease. It's great does of an age that she will understand that this is "her" room. And she's taking such a big girl step in having her own room.

You put her back in bed over and over until she gets the message and will probably stop trying to get out within a few nights.

Move anything dangerous/small choking hazard but when my 2yo wakes up she just wants us, not her toys. She doesn't tend to explore her room at night.

I think you just need to be realistic that it's going to be difficult and grit your teeth and do it. Return her to bed every night, every time. Have your husband sleep at his parents one night and you the next so you're both resting. Warn the other kids and let them stay at grandparents or friends houses depending on age. Do it in half term. But if you want to make it happen it's going to be a case of grit.

You'll be amazed what a 3 year old is capable of. We used to lie with ours till he fell asleep, until I decided I'd had enough lying in a pitch dark room listening to sleep sounds till he fell asleep so we decided to just stop. We explained on the day that we were going to give a kiss goodnight then come and see him every 5 mins till he fell asleep - he was really excited to the idea and took to it instantly. Completely life changing for me.

I was also amazed by how well he took to being in his own room (transitioned at age 2) And as much as I liked co sleeping, I love having my bedroom as an option to hang out in the evening!

I think you should make a big fuss about it being their own bed, maybe even let them help choose the bed, make sure they have nice toys and nice duvet covers etc. It might be exciting for them.

With mine we did a double size floor bed in their room (age 20mo or so) and I’d lie there till he was asleep then go do my things and go to my bed or his. He did often end up back in our bed. Or I’d end up in his. But it was the start of a separation. My second did a cot and then my bed and then the double with his brother, with me in the middle then creeping out. He’s just over 2 now. If they are sick I still end up with one or both all night (twin beds now), and the youngest tries to sleep in my bed more and more. 4yo finally doesn’t need cuddles to sleep anymore and 2yo likes it but doesn’t need it as much. When both are healthy we’re at about 4-5 nights a week both sleep through, and it keeps getting better. I think it’s the right balance for us.

Get her a new bed with bed rail and put the cot mattress & blankets on your floor. You tell her if she comes in your room she sleeps on the mattress. It won't last long and she'll stay in her bed, or she'll come in but won't disturb you.

My son was nearly four, we moved his single bed in our room, it all looked like one big bed but at least we had our own space. He used to wake up once during the night and I just used to reach out and hold his hand for a minute.
He went happily into his own room three months later. Good luck.