Do I have rights as the mother of children with disabilities

[CobaltRewind]

To be honest I’m in shock.

Need to know if I should see this as a ‘joke’ but struggling to.

Im a teacher and my son attends the same school I teach in, he’s extremely anxious about moving to high school next year. He has multiple additional needs.

I was speaking to my head teacher today about what I’m going to do next year as my son cannot be told to walk home and his anxiety is so severe he’s just not safe to be home alone.

Basically I need some sort of flexibility in my job as I’m a single parent and really have no other support.

She told me my options were to get another job or have my children adopted.😢😕

Im not sure in what context this is supposed to be funny.

If I made a similar comment to a parent, I’d likely lose my job.

AIBU to be really hurt.

What a silly and unpleasant comment.
But it sounds as if you will find it very hard to work full time anywhere except at the school your DC attends, so it may be time to start building a relationship with some kind of helper, either paid or with some reciprocal arrangement, who you child trusts. If you can't sort out more flexible hours then they could do the school pick up and spend some time at home before you get back, and perhaps cover for emergencies too.

Staff that are supposed to leave at three never leave at three when they are responsible for dismissing a class in my experience, even in year 6. It’s difficult enough for TAs who are only paid until 3, let alone salaried teachers.

As a teacher you will have meetings etc after school, i don't think you can demand to leave at 3pm every day though potentially 1-2 days a week would be a reasonable adjustment. Check with the new school, my dcs school had the library supervised until 5pm (free), the canteen supervised from 8am (free though pay for own food) and various clubs some paid some free

I am a TA and have it agreed I leave at 3 the days I don’t have childcare for to get DS as he needs 1-1 handover at school. Even as a TA getting out on time is hard at times though and I bave to be very focused and it’s not every day.

i think every day for a teacher it would be unworkable in a lot of schools

What is it you want the Head Teacher to agree to? Just think though .. if your son's new teacher said they couldn't cover your child's hours because of their own needs, would you think that was wrong because you, as a parent needed them to? It is likely the children you teach have working parents who need you to cover certain hours too, same as you do.

His response was shit. I would report this.
BUT what is your plan for this flexibility? Are you hoping he’ll let you work part time hours and so be ably to leave early? This is the only thing I can see being workable. Or acceptable? Who is able to pick up the time you will not be there?
Being paid for full time work but leaving at 3 every day is not really ever going to be agreed.

You aren't wrong to find the comment insensitive and hurtful. You can request flexible working, but it doesn't have to be accommodated. Realistically I can't imagine finishing early every day would be something that's easy to absorb into timetables.

The adoption comment was out of line. But honestly, I think requesting to leave at 3pm every day is unrealistic, as others have said. I’m a teacher and I’d have found it quite stressful to never have any time after school to meet parents, prep for the next day, meet with colleagues, attend staff meetings and so on. Once or twice a week they may be able to make work but every day is, unfortunately, probably not possible. There are some things which just need to be done in school, not at home once kids are asleep IME.

Are there any after school clubs your son could attend (sports, music, homework etc) or even could he sit in the library doing homework, and you collect at 4/4.30? )have you spoken to the SEN department about whether they can accommodate him?

The other option i suppose is a childminder, though I’d be very worried that being picked up by a childminder with toddlers in tow would make him a target for bullying.

If you stay working full time Co up d you pay for a taxi to take him home?
Does he have friends he can walk with?
Does he have a friend he could go home with? I paid my daughters friends Mum to have her after school in yr 7.

What is this please?

Does your dc school offer any after school clubs? Any friends he can walk to theirs and you collect from? I'm so sorry you're in this situation.

After school club
Childminder
Have him wait outside the school for you - not ideal but he finishes after you? (You didn't mean he finishes at 2?)

What's the situation with your PPA? I have an arrangement where my PPA is split across two afternoons; I teach as usual for the first session, then go home for PPA. A colleague sees the children (KS2) out at the end of those days. ETA: this means I can collect my own children on those days.

Could assemblies happen at the end of the day, and a TA / colleague see the children home?

You're going to have to come up with some sort of operationally manageable patchwork that buys you at least some days where you can leave early, and work something else out around days where that is not possible eg is the secondary school library open beyond the end of the day? Are there any suitable after school clubs? (Sport, Computing,Music, Homework...whatever!) Get your child involved in helping with finding a solution for those days - "I need you to be at school until x on your day. Which of these clubs do you fancy doing then? You need to choose one."

You will also have to come up with a plan that shows how you would cope with staff meetings, parents evenings etc - a paid "childminder" or evening with a friend who is happy for one offs but not every day/week. Parents consultations or staff meetings could be via Zoom etc.

Are there any friendly / sympathetic TAs at your school who leave earlier and you could pay to collect and sit with until you get home?

It's a nightmare and you have my sympathy!

Is there any tea club/homework club/after school activities at the new school?
Other than that maybe a childminder?

If you need to take your child to a different school and pick them up, and at the same time teach a full time class at your school it's just not going to be possible.

Can you get a job at your DCs new school? That would seem to be the best option. If you have to go part time at your current school I don't know if there would be a 'proper' job for you there.

The comment was a bit crass, but probably showing the frustration of the head, who immediately saw how impossible this would be from their point of view. How many other teachers would like the flexibility of dropping off and picking up their children from other schools?

carers assessment by the LA. It's pointless. You can ask for one but they are under no legal obligation to help you. and they won't. Been there, done that. You need to either find some sort of wrap around which sounds impossible or change your working hours/potentially your work. It's utterly shit but there isn't really any support for parents of disabled children to stay in (full-time) employment esp once they are beyond primary school age but still need a lot of help. There just isn't much.

I do appreciate how difficult life is while trying to work and ensure your children are properly cared for OP, but I think you have been a little over sensitive about the remark made. Perhaps your Head felt a bit awkward telling you you'd have to get another job, and added the bit about getting your kids adopted as a way of trying to soften the situation, by trying to make a joke of it. Understandably, when you're worried about finding a solution, you didn't take it well, but I don't think there was any malice intended. After all, many parents in that situation would have said something along the lines of 'If only I could', or 'Do you want to take them?'