I had a traumatic pregnancy 9 years ago, that over the years I've worked through but still feel very sad over it, I was nearly homeless, my Dad nearly died in ICU for 9 days, ny partner cheated on me the list unfortunately goes on and on. The birth wasn't great either and I didn't have the support from family or friends or my "partner" I'd hoped would of happened, still I powered on through, and somehow got through it and had a very happy baby.
I've had two miscarriages either side of my only child who will turn 9 next year, my DD is heavenly the sweetest natured child I could of ever dreamed of. She's asks about a sibling all the time but recently stopped and said she feels so sad she is an only child.
Over the last year, I have to stop myself from crying over the fact I haven't had another. People have stopped asking me now I'm 36 all I get it "well you've left it too late now" or "the age gap would be too big".
I dream about having another child all the time, wake up sad go to sleep sad. I will use every excuse in the book to put it off and yet it's all I ache for.
I don't know if I'm perimenapauseal and that's what it is also. Either way I need to make a decision, the fear is stopping me even though I can't even be in a room with a baby when we are out because I seem to get teary, I haven't told anyone this is how I feel deep down.
I just don't have the support.