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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to wonder how people do it with more than 1 DC

5 replies

AlenaMacc · 06/11/2024 10:35

My Roman Empire is wondering how do people "do life" with more than 1 DC?

I have one DC aged 3 and life feels so full on at the moment. We do want a second but I had horrible HG with him where I was in a terrible state for most of my pregnancy, unable to care for myself and in and out of hospital a lot. I was on strong medication too so lots of worry about baby's health as well.

Because of this and how busy life feels even with the one, I'm still (kind of) on the fence whether to put my body through this again even though long term we do envision ourselves as parents of 2 DCs. So the dilemma is - suffer in the short term (with HG), then have a very very busy life for years but have 2 DCs to love and dote on or chose a comfortable life now, not putting my body through HG again but be kind of lonely in the long term. We're not from the UK originally, and both me and DH are only children so our DCs will be our only family here.

Both me and DH are working full time, we're as organised and as efficient as I feel we could possibly be with our time so that we can do all the things that need doing on a daily basis. DC sleeps very well so no lack of sleep or anything, and things are generally going very well - compared to many of my friends who have poor sleepers, 2 and more DCs I'm even ashamed to admit that we struggle with how busy life is.

I thought I would have time to work out by now as I have a bad back and need to do stretching/Pilates in order to keep pain at bay, but most days I'm so exhausted by the end of the day that exercise it the last thing on my mind. And if I do, this means we then only have an hour or so to have dinner and do everything that needs doing before we need to go to sleep. I also need to sleep at least 7 hours a day as I have a chronic migraine with aura that flares up if I don't have enough sleep. I can't exercise in the morning as DC is a very light sleeper and as soon as I'm up, he wakes up too. Some days I feel so frazzled with all the stuff that needs doing and then I remind myself we only have the one and I feel guilty about feeling this way and start wondering how on earth will we manage with two. At times it feels like me and DH are like passing ships, passing DC between each other when we need to go to an appointment, have a work trip etc.

Parents of two DCs, how do you manage? Do you have time to workout, do you have time for your partner? Or is it just a time in your life where you've accepted other things take priority? I'd be grateful of any insight into the life of a family of 4!

OP posts:
flipdiddle81 · 06/11/2024 10:38

i find having 2 so much easier!

on hol for instance… 6 hours they were in the pool together. Meanwhile… me, with my book. Bliss.

i look at my brother with an only child and the engagement is about 100x more!

flipdiddle81 · 06/11/2024 10:39

i am a single parent
now they’re older so i leave them home alone
when younger… workout videos at home, babysitter when socialising or had friends over for glass of wine and a catch up

doodleschnoodle · 06/11/2024 10:50

I have a 5yo and a 2yo. Life is busy, but I think you just kind of adapt really. I work part-time and then have 2yo at home with me the other days (and 5yo in school holidays) but I do volunteer work two nights a week and at weekends occasionally, and life just kind of rumbles on! I'd say it's busy but not horribly so. I still have time for meals out with pals, doing hobbies etc.

We try and have both kids asleep by about 8ish and then we have two or three hours to spend together each evening.

PassMeTheCookies · 06/11/2024 10:52

I think you just adapt to it. Life is busier and more chaotic with my two, but it's not had a negative impact on my life. I have a 5 year old and almost 2 year old. The gap between them was great for us. DS5 is very happy to help out, get nappies, sit with/play with toddler whilst I organise food etc if DP is still at work. They largely entertain each other. Getting out of the house takes longer. But I'd honestly not change it, for a less busy life. They're totally worth it, and seeing the love they have for each other is the best thing in the world.

jolota · 06/11/2024 11:36

I'm pregnant with my second and its hard, the sickness, exhaustion, my husband is basically solo parenting while I just try to survive.
We want 2 but also find one more work than we like but we do see it as short term pain for long term gain.

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