People who don’t say thank you for money/gifts!

[Suziek12]

I send my cousins a birthday card and present or money every year and don’t get a thank you message back, they are only kids (pre teen and early teen) but have their own phone and my number so could easily send a quick thank you. They are old enough now to know to say thank you, it’s basic manners and really bugging me and I want to stop doing it. The trouble is I have just had a baby and my Auntie (their mum) will no doubt buy for him but I will always say thank you on his behalf until he’s old enough to say it himself. What do I do?

I would stop sending money and gifts. If your auntie queries it, you can explain that since you never received any acknowledgement, you assumed the gifts weren't important to them.

I've had this. I now only give to those who say thank you. I've stopped giving to anyone who doesn't acknowledge or have the manners to say a quick thank you.

Maybe the cousins are hoping you'll stop?

I allow them to forget once. Twice and that's it. Off the list.

Thing is they probably don't even care so it's not a big deal to follow this strategy. They won't query it as they probably don't even register you've given them a gift in the first place.

I still get angry at the memory of my dear late gran standing in an hour long queue at the post office, taking turns with her neighbour to stand, to exchange money to send to my ‘cousin’ (only in the biological terms as we are now estranged). The little brat never thanked her once in 15 years. We all told gran to stop.

I put this on another thread recently.

You write in an empty card : "Dear Cousin, I hope the enclosed will bring you happiness and joy".

You'll have a text or three before the day is out.

Urgh that sucks. Well done for looking after grandma

Thanks. Doesn’t help that this girl posted pictures of herself at a party online 4 days after gran’s death with the hashtag ‘livingmybestlife’. Family said I should be more tolerant and understanding but she has just got away with murder her whole life and serves no purpose in my life anymore.

I was hoping you'd come onto this thread and post this again - it's great!

What a weird response! I bet you don't say thanks when someone holds the door for you!

It takes 30 seconds to send a thank you text.

@Suziek12 I'd stop send money, just send a card from now on.

People should always make the effort to say thank you.

Children these days have it easy - in my day, you had to sit down and write a thank you letter if you weren't going to see the giver in person in the near future, because there was no text/email and a stamp was much cheaper than phoning outside your local area.

If you don’t give to them then you’re saying you only do it for the acknowledgment! I’d ring and say ‘just checking you got my present’- my mum did it to my kids the first time I forgot to get them to ring and now they send a message the second they get the present!!

Back in the day I used to have to sit down and write a thank you letter to every person who had given me money or a gift for birthdays or Christmas. Yes, it was a laborious process and I hated doing it but I can see it was good manners.
Nowadays with most kids having phones, how hard is it to drop a quick message compared to that?

I started giving money or gifts to children and if they didn't bother to thank me, I didn't bother again.

I did a search on this just last night. It's not rudeness, some cannot say the word thank you for money.
I put an envelope on the car seat of someone I'd been dog sitting for to help with their petrol, not a small amount, £100, no acknowledgement.

Last night chatting in messages I sent £250 to pay for a job on their house I'd promised. Chat immediately ended, haven't heard back since, I know it's to avoid saying thank you.
They always thank me for dog sitting, nice dinner etc., money never. I can only think it's pride. I accept it won't happen now, just glad that it must make a bit of difference or they'd send it back.

I find this the height of rudeness OP. I partly blame the parents in all of this. My parents made sure I rang or wrote to everyone who gifted me anything if they were not there at the time in person. I do the same with my children. I insist on manners and politeness at all times in this regard. I would stop if you are being treated so shoddily.It is just so rude.

Even if this is true (and I don't think it is, it's people excusing their lack of manners with a load of bullshit), the OP says she sends a present or money not just money.

Idk, feel like that's a bit harsh. Some parents are great at it to a point, but their involvement has to stop somewhere!

My sister has 3 children. She religiously organised them writing thank you cards etc until they hit their teens/got phones. Then she encouraged thank you texts/phone calls. However, it reaches a point where your mothering/nagging only goes so far. The youngest is 15 now and he's pretty awful at responding to any of the wider family about anything on whatsapp etc. So for the past year or two I've text him 'hey kiddo, anything on the birthday wish list?' or something to that effect and get no response...therefore he gets what he requested, aka, nothing! Not gonna blame my sister for it, because for the first 12-13 years there were always wishlists and thank you cards. Feel like she did her bit tbh.

We do videos of the kids opening presents here and send them to the gifter, if the kids don't want to be filmed then I write down all the details and they do thank you cards. But they're 5&3, can imagine if they were 15 and 13 it might be a different story!!

A lack of thankfulness for those who have helped you doesn’t bode well for other characteristics and viewpoints that person may hold.

Gift giving from me would stop immediately and they’d probably get the chop unless they were able to redeem themselves.

This policy doesn’t apply to poor or struggling families. Just the right thing to do if you can help.

Stop sending gifts/ money. It's rude to not thank the sender. We as kids always said thank you. It's basic manners . They are old enough to ring or send a text , it takes seconds.

I'd call their mum and ask if they got the card and gift. Say you are never sure as they don't acknowledge it. If she says 'oh yes they did (thank you)' you could then say ' oh great they should text me so I know'!
Before I had kids I used to send my cousins, who lived abroad, presents at Xmas for her kids. Rarely got a thank you (from her - kids were really too young). Then one year, at April time, she said 'oh I know you sent the kids presents at Xmas but they get so many I can't remember what they were'. That was the last time. She never sent me anything when I had my kids (my oldest just a year younger than her youngest).

It's not weird maybe they don't really want to keep in touch with her? It's the only reason I can think of that they'd be so rude

Oh don't film them be in the moment and soak it all in

Absolutely advice we follow for the majority of gifts. We don't get many from people who aren't there to see the present being opened and receive the thank you for themselves (maybe 3 or 4 total), so for those who do we either dial them in or send them a video. I know they really appreciate 'seeing' the kids opening their presents. They're either old or far away and not able to be there with us even though they'd love to be. Also saves a thank you card 😉

YANBU. And their parent/carer(s) should be giving them a kick up the backside to make sure they are saying thank you whether directly from the young person or on their behalf.