To have all of December ‘off’ and return to work/appointments after 1 jan

[Monthoff]

SE and a carer for Ds. Under a huge amount of pressure and stress due to my own health issues too.

I’ve moved all appointments so that there are currently none in December (any emergencies obviously would have to be done) , I’m planning on stoping any orders to do with my self employment the second week of this month.

I’ve done all my Xmas prep so I don’t have to worry about any of that.

Im exhausted and just want a month of school runs and days to relax and improve my physical and mental health. I used to love the festive period but work and exhaustion ruined it the last few years and I want to reclaim that.

DB has already said ‘well you can take over DM care then for the month !’ I’ve said no. DH said ‘it’s fine if that’s what you really think you need ‘ in a slightly patronising tone.

AIBU? (I’m exhausted 😩)

If your self employed and can afford it, go for it.

Yanbu. Take it off and do not feel guilty. Say no to all extra requests. You are no good to anybody if your health and wellbeing are depleted. Explain that to everybody who questions what you’re doing (or just don’t reply)

If you're able to do that definitely go for it, sounds like you really need the break

Absolutely not unreasonable. Enjoy your December! We all need a break sometimes... and it's not like you're checking out totally, you're just clearing your schedule and not taking on extra.

Being self employed is heavy when you want success... you gotta deal with that, so youre not unreasonable to make the most of the upside which is clearing your calendar when you want to or need to.

Happy for you!

DB has already said ‘well you can take over DM care then for the month !'

what does this mean?

Enjoy your month off. Not sure why you’re discussing it with your DB, it’s none of his business.

YANBU, fair play. Take a breath.

Thankyou it’s just the exhaustion and then I never enjoy Christmas as every other year I’ve really worked till the last minute. I planned earlier in the year to try and do more to facilitate this so only had 1 week off over summer where I wasn’t working (usually have 2-3). It’s made November busier with extra appts as I’ve moved a lot of ds ones so that December is clear but although I know this month will be harder having a full month clear makes me feel so happy when I look at the Calendar!

Take it. How you spend your time is up to you. Tell your DB and DH to up their game in the future and perhaps you wouldn’t be so exhausted.

He was asking me when was I off over Christmas as wanted to sort out things for DM and was I busy up till the 23 rd again as that’s what I’ve done the last few years . The thing is he lives right by her and I’m 2 hours away , I said I’m not working but I have other commitments so treat it as the usual situation.

Tell DB you're working

Although, is it fair that he does the work because you moved away? Can you give some time?

It's up to you if you take a month off but are you refusing to care for your DM with the time off that you'll have? Or have I read it wrong

Is DB your DM carer and he wants a break?

Stand up for yourself. You need this, even more so because you took only a short summer break. Your brother’s and your husband’s emotions are their own to handle. Rest and recover and you’ll have more capability to offer your mother care, next year (should you want to).

I was wondering this... Does your DB do the bulk? I know you can only do so much with a disabled child and from 2 hours, but perhaps consider if you can cover a little extra for your DB while still having a quieter month than normal. It's not easy on the ones who are on the ground all the time.

Yes DB and DSIS do it all. They both live near her I moved away as soon as I was able to as I was placed in foster care as a teen due to her abuse so there’s no way I’m helping (sorry if that’s a drip feed but I hate talking about it as I have ptsd and I have to work hard to not remember things )

If your Christmas prep is all done by the start of November, perhaps your expectations year round are too high? Take the time off if you want to and can afford it but maybe next year choose a different speed for the other 11 months.

Well with that bit of information, I dont blame you

Your your brother and sister also placed in foster care?

No, they went to stay with our grandparents for a short time as allegations were made that meant I had to be placed separately and there was no other family to have me and as they’d suffered no harm at all they were allowed to return home (I’m the oldest)