I have ADHD. About a year or so ago during a stressful period I developed skin-picking disorder in an area near my eye. I didn't know this at the time but ADHDers can be prone to skin-picking. It got much worse in May after an ultra difficult week with a parent with Alzheimer's and by the end of the week I had made a real mess of my face.
I was embarrassed and ashamed and quite confused as the skin-picking was a relatively new phenomenon but also ashamed and embarrassed that I'd done it to myself.
Unfortunately the area got infected and I was put on antibiotics.
Skip forward to today and I've had several, SEVERAL rounds of antibiotics which work for a while but then the infection returns. My face is now a real mess and scarred, and has begun to significantly impact my mood and subsequently my relationship, my social interactions and my work. Especially being trapped in an NHS system that can't help.
Last week, my GP finally agreed to a referral to dermatology and asked me to upload a close-up photo of the area.
My o/h helped by taking the photo. I asked him to delete it immediately after. Not because I didn't trust him but because it's so horrible I didn't want it staying in his gallery or cloud.
Last few days have been bad again, a recent round of antibiotics haven't worked yet again and my face is a mess. We agreed I'd find and fund a private consultant dermatologist, which i have done.
On his way to work and without my knowledge or consent, my o/h sent that photo (he was meant to have deleted) to a long-term close female friend of his, who I've only met once, asking her opinion of it.
She then sent the photo onwards to a doctor friend of hers and between the threw of them, a hypothesis was formed and discussed at length about it being a cold sore (but under my eye). - I can see why they might think this given the appearance but what none of them had was the background information that would explain the appearance (use of iodine) that might make it look like a cold sore and other things that would rule out cold sore (the infection is always in a slightly different location.)
My o/h then sends me this information and that's when I found out for the first time that the close-up photo he took for my GP hadn't been deleted and had actually been shared elsewhere.
I hit the roof. I was so upset. Only he doubled down and justified his actions saying he was trying to help (I can accept this) and that he had had to watch me pick at my eye for a year and that it was affecting our relationship and so also affecting him and that he was entitled to talk to one of his oldest most loyal confidantes about it (who only wants the best for us, apparently, but also told him he'd been more unhappy than happy since being with me, same friend also left him a "funny" voice message weeks into our relationship calling him "stepdad" because I have a grown child. So...).
I could accept that on his side, he might need to offload to a friend but was unhappy he had shared a private photo.
He said it wasn't a private photo because anyone in the street could see my face. True to a degree but nobody in the street gets to keep a full stills close-up image to pore over. To a casual passerby, it might look like an injury under my eye.
I spent all day heart-broken and angry and feeling betrayed trying to get him to understand how that could be upsetting. Instead, he doubled down on it. He and his friend had concluded it was my ego reacting. He was sorry if it had upset me but was now convinced it was a cold sore on my face and didn't regret sharing my image with his friend. He was still defensive ans his only apology yesterday evening had been along the lines of "I'm sorry you feel that way but"
Resulted in a god awful row last night where many, many horrid things were said. Long-term friend was also live-texted during this row, which set me off even more.
He can't see why I'd be so upset. Called me a drama queen. I just don't know anymore - am I?